Complications
by Clouddoodles
Summary: L and Light are enemies. The whole "friends" thing is a charade. Right. Right? And when disaster befalls L's childhood home, his possible successors are sent to Japan. MxM, NO lemons or citrus of any kind, LxLight, MattxMello A dusting of angst, but mostly fluff. *ON HIATUS*
1. Chapter 1

**READ: ANNNNNNNND… I'm writing a death note fic! Of course I am…. Well, it's an LxLight/MattxMello one. No explicit stuff, but there is definitely boyxboy and if you don't like that, don't READ. No idea how many chapters, but I don't think this will be an oneshot. If we get to the bottom and it is, disregard what I just said! **

** I will stick to the plot of the original anime (haven't read the manga, but I assume their very similar) as much as possible, and there won't be a ridiculous overload of romance. I will add SOME things, mostly in the dialogue factor, because I don't remember exactly what was said and such as this, and for the sake of the story certain things must be prolonged. If I seem to stray too far from the natural personalities please leave an angry review. **

** Now. I know this pairing is really overdone, but I was arguing with myself and well, the natural fangirl in me won out. I know this is a weird pairing and that really REALLY doesn't fit into the anime. It could, but obviously they hate each other. L and Light, I mean. Matt and Mello work fine.**

** Anyhoo. Please R&R and tell me if this is stupid and if I shouldn't continue this.**

** This fic may or may not be on crack. I haven't decided yet.**

** Rated T for language (mostly, also pretty much all my stories ever written are under T)**

** I'm going to call L Ryuzaki.**

** And this is just after Aizawa returns to the Task Force. It might not quite line up, but Death Note is a complicated plot. **

** Title:…. When I publish this I will decide. Something like, "We're Supposed to Hate Each Other, You Know." IDK, that's kind of cliché. **

**DISCLAIMER: IF I owned Death Note, it would be incredibly mundane because, unlike the smart bastards that MADE it, I am not a genius. ALSO, there would be romance. Between L and Light. Yeah. And Matt and Mello.**

**Question: Am I a weird person? **

**Me: …yes. Obviously.**

**The fangirl within: NO! You're just romantical!**

**Me: That's not a word. My computer is underlining that in red.**

**Fangril within: Shut your face. Let me dream.**

**Okay, enough ranting. BRING FORTH the….. (Drumroll, people, drumroll) ….. STORY. **

** Light POV **

I really resent being chained to Ryuzaki. And it's only been two weeks. (**A/N: And I just have to say, don't all of the LxLight fanfics start like this? Yeesh. How creative of me.)**

For one thing, there is the distinct lack of personal space. Yeah, yeah, it's not like we're _showering _together (I, of course, get supervised while Ryuzaki takes his turn. I can't believe I have to be baby-sat.), but there is a six-foot chain that connects us at all times, except when changing (so as to prevent shirts hanging of the chain), but other than that I am under constant surveillance, constantly being tugged around like a puppy.

Also, the lack of sleep. Last time I checked, sleep is a basic human need. So is blinking. Eventually, it happens involuntarily. Well I thought it did, but apparently Ryuzaki doesn't need sleep, nor does he seem to blink more than once every ten minuets. His blinking habits don't affect me, but his sleeping patterns sure do. Especially when he needs to get up for more coffee, or some other assortment of sweets. How this guy has all his teeth still amazes me.

Other than that, Ryuzaki (L, Ryuga, whatever his real name is) just annoys me in general with his creepy stare, his awkward habits, the fact that, when I'm not being annoyed by him we're probably fighting, but most of all his constant accusations.

I am not Kira. Most definitely not a mass murderer. Sure, I still don't quite recall my reasoning behind letting Misa be my girlfriend, and yeah I'll admit that some people need to be eliminated for this world to be a better place, but I would never, ever be Kira.

Ryuzaki is not convinced of this.

The only time I'm not being pissed off by Ryuzaki is when we manage to have a few seconds of conversation not about the Kira case. Ryuzaki is the one person I've ever met with an intelligence level that rivals my own, and I like that.

Not enough to ever, _ever _want his constant company, obviously.

"I don't understand!" Matsuda sighs, scanning over the report that Soichiro has put together. "The killings restarted, but we still have no leads as to who could possibly be Kira!"

Ryuzaki holds out his hand for the report, and Matsuda hands it to him. His eyes scan the paper. "Well, we know that the killings are centered around the weekends, between Friday and Saturday mostly."

"Another student?" Aizawa asks, looking up from his copy of the report.

"Hmmmm. Possibly, but we can't say for sure." I take the paper out of the panda-eyed detective's strange grasp and look it over.

"I guess we'll just have to work harder to catch Kira," I state, and the others nod in somewhat reluctant agreement.

"Come on, Light." I growl in irritation as Ryuzaki tugs me back towards the computers.

"Watch it!" I mutter before settling back into my chair. The chain clinks as Ryuzaki clambers into his typical position. He doesn't answer me, just glances at me with those creepy eyes before turning back to his work.

I scan my screen, looking hopefully for something that had gone unnoticed previously.

Nothing. Lovely.

"_Lighhhhhht!" _ Dear God, Misa. I could never use a girl like Ryuzaki wants me to, but Misa is just so annoying I don't really understand what drove me to accept her as my girlfriend.

"It's Misa-Misa!" Matsuda announces cheerily, as if we didn't all know that.

"Shut up, Matsuda!" Aizawa growls, and I can practically feel the immature detective's gloom rolling off of him.

"Sorry, Aizawa." I turn my chair reluctantly, only to be smothered my perfume and black lace.

"Misa missed you so much!" she squeals, and I gently push her back a bit.

"Hi Misa. I thought you were at a shoot?"

"I _was _but it ended early!" she practically sings, peering over my shoulder to look at the computer. "Ohh, have you discovered anything new?"

"…No, not really."

"Hey Misa-Misa!" Matsuda says cheerily.

"Matsuda!" Aizawa snaps.

Misa sits in my lap and wraps her arms around my neck. "Hey Light, let's go on a date!"

Not this again. "Misa, I told you, we can't right now! We have to work on the case, and besides, I'm stuck to Ryuzaki. You know how well last time worked out." Misa winces, remembering the fight in her room.

"I've told you before, I don't mind," Ryuzaki says, but we ignore him. The other Task Force members have gotten to work on our new lead, leaving Matsuda standing behind us.

"Ryuzaki, what can I do to help?" he asks eagerly, and I notice that he gets an annoyed glare in return. Ryuzaki doesn't take Matsuda seriously at all.

"Hmm. You can be Miss. Amanae's new manager." I smirk as his face fell.

"Um, how is that helpful to the case?"

"Well, Misa is as much a part of this as Light is. You know that, Matsuda."

"It's okay, Matsuda! This'll be fun!" Misa squeals. She leaps off of my lap and tugs Matsuda towards the building entrance, chattering away.

I turn back to my work.

"Light?" I don't look at him, but I tilt my head to show him I'm listening.

"What compelled you to start going out with Misa?"

"This is only the, what, fifth time you've asked me?"

"I just want an answer, Light."

Obviously I'm not going to tell the person who suspects me as Kira that I honestly don't quite remember. Besides, he's already aware of the gaps in my memory, at least to some extent.

"As I've said, I felt sorry for her. She did loose her parents very recently. And she's a nice girl, she's just…"

"Obnoxious and clingy?" Now I do look at him, and he's smiling wryly. I smirk.

"Yeah, that about sums it up."

"It couldn't possibly be because Misa Amanae is the second Kira, and Light Yagami is the first, could it?"

I grit my teeth. "I'm not _Kira, _Ryuzaki! You may want me to be, but no amount of wishing will ever make that statement true." Silence. I'm glaring at him, watching him stir more sugar into his coffee thoughtfully.

"I do not believe that. See, both Kira and Light would only do something such as that if it was to their advantage."

I clench my fist. How can he keep accusing me? Can't he see I'm innocent? "I'm not Kira! Stop comparing me to him!"

"Oh, I'm quite sure that you are Kira, or at least were. I think that the power can pass to others when needed. I believe that you were Kira, or at least under his control, before you were imprisoned." That's it.

He's not expecting it, and he's in no position to defend himself without falling or dropping his coffee, so my fist successfully collides with his jaw. Of course, he falls along with his chair, spilling the coffee anyway.

The momentum tugs the chain, sending me flying after him. Damn it, I forgot about the chain. I end up landing hard on the floor, sending us both into the wall. Ryuzaki hits the wall a second before I collide with him, and we both sit there kind of dazed for a few seconds.

"Light! Ryuzaki! Stop this now!" Soichiro cries angrily, but neither of us heed his words. Instead, Ryuzaki pushes me off of him and sends a kick my way. I block him, but we end up back on the floor.

"Stop this at _once!" _Someone grabs my shoulders, and Dad steps between us. I glare behind me; it's Mogi restraining me.

"Let me go," I snarl. No response. Ryuzaki glowers at me, fuming.

"Will you two _please _quit fighting so much?" Aizawa snaps, and we both glare at him.

"I won't until-"

"Shut up, Light. Ryuzaki, it's unfair to constantly accuse Light like that. You're practically begging for a fight. And Light, none of us like it, but you _are _a suspect! I don't necessarily approve of Ryuzaki's methods, but we're going along with them. You agreed to this. Both of you need to grow up!" Every one is silent for a few moments after Aizawa's rant.

I sigh angrily. "Yeah, I did agree to this." Ryuzaki also seems to accept this as the truth.

"Fine." I wrench out of Mogi's grasp and rub my wrist where the chain has left an irritating red mark.

Ryuzaki clambers back into his chair, seemingly unconsciously rubbing his jaw.

I hope it hurts.


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay, this story is very new as I'm writing this, but I don't like the way it's gone so far except for chapter one. I am re-writing all chapters so far but chapter one. **

**I'm still calling our beloved detective Ryuzaki AND L. **

**Changes: forget the whole Ryuzaki/L saying "you", because it's not fitting in well. Also the story seems to feel repetitive and somewhat boring. I intend to fix that, and I'm ramming up the romance in the overall story. This story has been boring as crap, and I feel like I'm straying from their personalities. Also I've changed the plot around, but this early it doesn't matter. SO FORGET IT. REDO COMMENCE. **

**DISCALIMER: Not mine, dude. **

**L POV**

Light Yagami is Kira. I am 45% sure of this fact. I told the Task Force 5%, merely to please them. Besides, the Light I know would strive to prove himself innocent if the likelihood of him being a mass murderer were .5%. But so would Kira. 47%.

Our fight yesterday left me with a painful bruise on my jaw. Light managed to strike right where it would cause me discomfort every time I try to open my mouth and eat something. This, of course, does not stop me.

_Light… There are so many things that lead to your conviction, but there are also leads to your innocence_. _The fact that criminals were still dying whilst you were imprisoned has convinced the others of your innocence. But my theory is that the power of Kira can pass between others, or that you and Miss Amanae were under Kira's control._

I am 44% sure that Misa is the second Kira.

What confuses me is the fact that Light obviously holds no affection for the pretty supermodel he is intimate with. Many males his age and older would love to have a girl of her status tailing them, but Light seems to really annoy her presence.

I decide to ask him. I reach over and tap his shoulder insistently, until he wakes up. We originally had two separate beds, but someone always ended up on the floor due to the chain. After a few days of this we just got a bigger bed and put a spare pillow in between our own.

"Ryuzaki? Is something wrong?"

"Just a quick question. What was your reasoning behind gong out with Misa Amanae, whom you obviously have no feelings for?"

He's taken aback, but still disoriented with sleep. "Um… I honestly don't really remember my exact reasons… I mean, I feel bad for her, and she's nice…" He yawns, then continues. "Just annoying." When his mind is clouded with sleep, he's a lot more open. I must remember that.

"Another memory lapse, hmm?"

"I guess… Hey, it's three in the morning! Ryuzaki, _what the heck?" _

He's glaring murderously at me now, and I shrug.

"I was curious."

"Couldn't wait until morning? How am I not surprised." He flops back onto his right, before hissing and turning over, holding his shoulder. That's right, he fell quite hard earlier.

"Are you okay?"

"Fine," he snaps, before closing his eyes. "No more questions, right?"

"For now." He drifts back to sleep, and I watch him thoughtfully. I suppose it's typical to say this, but he looks innocent in his sleep.

Light before imprisonment was cold and distant, constantly calculating and guarded. Little emotion passed through his eyes unless he permitted it. Light after imprisonment, however, is not as cold and critical. His eyes betray him more frequently, although his emotions are still well masked. When he says he is not Kira, there is even more conviction behind the words. He truly believes that he has not killed anyone.

Light Yagami is a model of perfection. He is athletic, and honor student, the son any parents want. He is attractive, arrogant, and bored. Sometimes I wonder, is this the _real _Light? At times, there seems to be a whole other side to him, a more… _human _side. This side appears in a select few of your smiles, in the occasional glance, and in your sleep. This Light is as far from Kira as any form of Light could be.

_I like that Light… I don't want that Light to be Kira. _I pause, surprised by my own thoughts. _No. Light is only one person. I want Light to be Kira, because that would all fit together, and that is what my instincts are telling me. My instincts have never been wrong before. Light and I are not friends, there is no emotion here. Because in this case, the smallest emotion is unforgivable. _

. . .

"Ryuzaki, wake up." I lift my head, blinking the sleep out of my eyes. "You fell asleep like that."

"Like what?" I ask, before realizing that I had dozed off in my preferred crouch, leaning against the headboard. "Oh."

"I can't believe you actually fell asleep," Light states, amusement coloring his voice.

"I may be an insomniac, but I do need to doze off for a few hours at some point or another."

"Obviously." You hold out your wrist so I can unchain you. I fish the key out of my pocket and unlock the cuff. You grab your clothes and slip into the bathroom. You seem to need a shower every day, despite the fact that you are dirtied as soon as the water is shut off. Every other is perfectly fine, but you continue your water wasting ritual.

By the time you come out I have changed and am already sucking at a lollipop form the bowl on my dresser. You run your hand through your hair absentmindedly, a habit I have noticed you tend to do when you are stressed or distracted.

"Is something wrong?"

"No. I just hope we find a lead soon." I nod in agreement before re-cuffing you and tugging you towards the door. "Hey, be patient!" I don't say anything, but I pause for a few seconds.

In the kitchen, I notice you rubbing your shoulder.

"Do you want some ice?"

"No, I'm fine, thanks." Not accepting help seems like something Kira might do. It's also a sign of arrogance, but better safe that sorry. 48%. I absently stir sugar into my coffee while you pull the milk out.

"How much sugar can you ingest before you die?" I turn, tilting my head curiously.

"What?"

"Just thinking aloud."

"…I don't know. I tend to consume more sugar than other people-"

You snort. "Really? You've probably gone immune to all side effects of it, including weight gain." Your eyes flick over my figure, which I know is severely thin.

"Quite possibly. Do you like sweets, Light?"

You shudder. "No, really not my thing." By the time you've finished your cereal and me my toaster waffles, and we're about to resume work, the other Task Force members are here. And Misa has awakened and come down from her room.

"Liii-iight!" she practically sings, hugging you from behind.

"Oh, hi Misa." There is fake enthusiasm in your voice, but you seem to have everyone but me fooled. "How are you?"

"Great! Light, let's go on a date!"

"Misa, we can't. You don't want Ryuzaki to be following us around on this chain, do you?"

She pouts. "No, but I want to be with just _Light! _Please, Ryuzaki?"

I shake my head. "No, sorry Miss Amanae. But it's fine with me if you want to go on dates, I'll just have to stick along."

She sighs melodramatically and clings to Light's arm. "Fine, we'll just have to stay here. And no more fighting, you two. I don't want Light to get hurt again!" she coos, patting him on the very shoulder that he fell on. He winces slightly, obviously trying to cover the pain. He really did fall hard.

"We should get to work," Light says, and we walk over to the computers with Misa fluttering around Light like a Lolita butterfly covered in heavy perfume and lace.

"Can Misa-Misa watch you work?"

"Uh, sure, but it's probably pretty boring," Light warns playfully, but Misa plops herself in Light's lap anyway. Obviously he's not going to get any work done.

"I don't care!" she wraps her arms around Light's neck and cuddles into him. I delve into today's copy of the paper, searching for abnormalities. Every few seconds Misa asks a new question, and eventually she goes into the story of her last photo shoot. Light just nods and smiles when appropriate, and decidedly gives up on working. I read and re-read the paper, partially because I want to squeeze any last bit of info out that I can, and partially because I didn't manage to comprehend anything the first time due to the constant chatter.

"Why don't you three go upstairs?" Aizawa calls, obviously frustrated with the constant noise.

"Oooh, yes! Light, come on!" Misa grabs his hand and pulls, causing the chain to practically knock me too the ground. I scramble to my feet and glare at my spilled strawberries. Curse you, Aizawa.

Up in Misa's room, she sits on Light's lap and proceeds to inform us of her upcoming shoot with the famous Hideki Ryuga.

"It's for his TV show! But I have to _kiss _him! I promise I wont, though, because I love Light and I wont kiss anyone else!" My mind wanders as she rambles on, and my thoughts drift to Light. In the two and a half weeks we've been changed together, he only seems to be more eager to catch Kira. His determination is admirable. It's plain in his eyes, when the _real _Light shows through that he wants to stop the murderer. He wants to bring true justice down on Kira.

_I don't want Light to be Kira. _No, I went over this earlier. It all makes sense, Light has to be Kira. I don't like Light. Light doesn't like me. The "friends" thing is a lie, a show. Light Yagami is Kira. I am 48% sure of this.


	3. Chapter 3

**Okay, I like Near. A little bit. He's cool, okay? He's just harder to write for. **

**And I don't like him as much.**

**DISCALIMER: not mine, dude**

**Mello POV**

"_Damn Near!" _ I shouted angrily, punching the wall. The dent I create doesn't satisfy my anger at that stupid little bleach-white dumbass. My hand instinctively catches the chocolate bar that whizzes past my ear, and I furiously rip at the wrapper. _Snap. _I'm calmed slightly as the chocolate melts over my tongue. I glare at the orange goggle clad, brown haired boy sitting at the foot of his bed, still absorbed by his Gameboy.

"Stupid Matt." He doesn't even notice the insult I throw at him. I take another bite of chocolate, and my fury simmers down. Matt looks up, a knowing grin flashing across his features.

"Feel better, Mels?"

"Humph." Stupid Near, besting me once again. Stupid little albino punk. Beat me on the semester test by _7.15%. _He always beats me by an infuriatingly close number. I stupid little suck-up Near.

"What did Near do this time?" I glance at Matt. He's been here for four and a half months now. The other kids still stare at him in awe, wondering how he escapes my wrath. I hate that.

I flop down on my bed. "He _beat _me, the bastard."

"By how much?"

"7.15%. Last time it was 6.12%. I'm falling behind, Matt!"

"Last time wasn't the semester test."

"So?"

"So that's not comparable." I growl, because I can't think of a comeback for that one, and focus on my chocolate. The only sound for a few minuets is Matt's clicking of the buttons and my eating of the chocolate. I know that Matt is at an important moment in his game, probably fighting a boss, because his whole posture changes. His muscles tense and his eyes widen, and when he winds his whole body relaxes. When he looses, a rare occasion, he slumps dejectedly for a few seconds before retuning with even more vigor.

"_Yes!" _I jump, and look over at Matt, my anger forgotten.

"What did you accomplish this time?"

"I got a level 100 Ninetails!" he gloats triumphantly.

"Oh." Matt loves any fire-type Pokemon. I finish the chocolate and crumple the wrapper at the same time as someone knocks on the door. I sigh and go to open it. I yank it open, shooting my typical glare. Oh joy, it's some little punk.

"What do you want?" I spit at the little brown haired boy.

"Mello, um, um, Carly… Carly wanted me to, um, give this to-" I slam the door in his face. I've had enough of this stupid game the girls like to play. They pick a guy every week, and all the participants have to _confess their love _or something by the en of the day Saturday. And luck me, I'm the target this time.

The slam of the door managed to pull Matt from his game. "who was that?"

"It's that stupid game again."

"God, can't they just drop it? It's like they're trying to drag Valentine's Day out all year."

"Ugh, seriously." I hate Valentine's Day. It has to be officially the stupidest, worst holiday ever, designed to point out the loners and attach glowing signs to their head that say, "I'm a looser!" Of course, I don't get any trouble with that stuff anymore. The first day here ended with seven black eyes, a broken nose, and countless bruises on half the population here at Wammy's, excluding me. No one messes with Mello.

**Near POV**

Once again, I have triumphed over Mello. Hopefully, the next time L comes around to (maybe) pick his successor, I will be far ahead. No, not hopefully, definitely. Mello lets his emotions get the better of him, relying in chocolate and his sidekick Matt to keep him sane. I wouldn't be surprised if he burns the orphanage down.

I sit in my typical spot, surrounded by Legos and towers of dice. I pick up my Mello doll in one hand, Matt in the other. What _is _Matt to Mello? Mello is not the type to make friends. He's too angry, to fierce, to cruel. I don't see the advantage to having Matt at his side, besides for possible intimidation. But why _Matt? _When he came here four months ago, it seemed as if the two just clicked. None of this makes sense. It is not logical.

I set the dolls aside and knock a tower down. The dice scatter, and I methodically pick them up and re-stack them. I have to be the best. I will be the best. I will be the next L. I have no doubt in my reasoning abilities, my deductive skills, and my intelligence. I pick up the L doll, and the little white Near doll. I set the L doll on the tower, stack a few more layers, than place the little image of myself on the very top. Mello rests at the bottom, Matt below him. Matt does not rival me. He is intelligent, in the top three along with Mello and me. But he poses no threat. I will be the best. No one will stand in my way to become the next L, the greatest detective in the world.

**Light POV **

Sometimes I want to scream from the rooftops that I am _not_ Kira. Even when Ryuzaki doesn't voice his accusations, I still see them in his gaze. What really bothers me is how much his distrust of me seems to hurt me. I know I'm not Kira, and that will be proved soon enough. So why does it make me so angry when he accuses me?

Over the past few days, no the past week, I've really been confused with the thoughts running through my mind. They're so random and don't really make sense. They are actually more of random jolts of emotion, really. At least the pain in my shoulder is going down. I really wasn't doing a good job of covering up the ache, but I did fall _really _hard.

"I don't think you're Kira," Matsuda tries to comfort me, probably to prevent another fight.

"I'm not." There's not a lot of energy in my protests today, mostly because of the lack of sleep from the previous night. I dozed off at around three and got up and six-forty. Not fun.

L mouths something to himself. "What?" I ask, and he shakes his head.

"Nothing." I shake it off, because it doesn't matter to me what he's whispering to himself about. Well, it shouldn't, at any rate.

Watari comes down with the paper. "Another round of criminals are dead," he says solemnly, handing the paper to Ryuzaki. The panda-eyes detective scans through the names, then hands the paper to me.

I read through the report, then frown. "This Kira is killing people who regretted their crimes, or preformed petty acts."

"Definitely sounds like this guy has his own agenda," Dad mutters darkly.

"Certainly a different guy!" Aizawa agrees.

"Has anyone else died?" Ryuzaki asks. What a random question.

"Not anything out of the ordinary… Well, a few people from big companies have died of heart attacks recently, but so few that it's hard to say anything for sure."

He nods, then returns to his computer. "Thank you Watari."

. . .

"Should I go for cutesy or seductive?" Misa asks, after going through a long speech about her upcoming shoot.

"I don't know," I say honestly.

"Aww, you're so unhelpful! Ryuzaki, what about you?" she squeals, turning to the detective sitting across from us, who is currently immersed in cake.

"Seductive," he mumbles immediately through a mouthful of frosting. We stare at him in surprise.

"Ryuzaki, you pervert!" Misa laughs. "Anyway, Light, remember that shoot with Ryuga? Well…" I honestly would rather be at the zoo with Sayu, Mom and Dad. I'm tired of staying here all the time, listening to Misa chatter on and on.

I let my mind wander, mulling over our recent discovery. Although useful, we haven't gotten any farther off the killings in the paper. Even Ryuzaki declared that there was nothing more to be learned from the obituaries earlier before we had decided to quit working. After all, it is break day.

Misa insisted on going on a "date", so we went to the roof and then down to our room. When she saw the single bed, she had freaked.

"But Ryuzaki's a _guy!" _

"Yes, but we don't have a choice. And nothing's going on. We're sleeping," I insisted irritatedly.

L had jumped in, just as eager to convince Misa that there was absolutely nothing going on. "Yes, there are cameras to prove that." At this she had relented, says that she wished she could be the one sleeping with me. That girl really gives me a headache sometimes.

. . .

L unchains us for a few moments so I can pull my clothes off and change. I tug the hem of my loose shirt down and hold out my wrist for Ryuzaki to lock the cuff. I always enjoy the few minuets of freedom, as the cool metal is quite bothersome. I check my watch, and sigh. It's one thirty, of course. I slip into bed to try and sleep as much as I can, unconsciously lying on my left after the past few days of avoiding my shoulder. It doesn't hurt anymore, but I don't bother to move.

L sits as he always does, balancing the laptop on a pile of pillows. He somehow manages to keep his balance even while crouching on a mattress. I absently watch him work.

His messy hair falls wildly around his huge eyes, his fingers long and quick on the keyboard. The only sound is the keys being pressed, the only light from the screen. It's odd how his strange positions seem so natural. He's _so _slim, but he's strong. Obviously I've seen him without his shirt and-

Whoa. What? Why am I thinking so much about Ryuzaki, especially what he looks like _shirtless? _I feel blood rush to my cheeks and I shift my face so it rests behind the pillow. We change together, I've seen him without a top, but I'm not looking like _that. _I have no interest in anything like that.

And it's absolutely absurd that any of these thoughts are crossing my mind. I'm not Ryuzaki's, L's, friend. That much is obviously all a lie from both parties. And I'm straight. So why would I be thinking about a guy like that, even if its just a little bit, and why am I getting so defensive?

For some reason, I just can't seem to push thoughts of Ryuzaki out of my mind.

"Light-kun, are you okay?"

_Light-kun? Okay, that's not random at all. _I look up at Ryuzaki questioningly, too late in realizing that the last of my blush is still fading away. Hopefully he didn't notice anything.

Strangely, L looks surprised to have said that. "Sorry-"

"It's fine," I blurt, then blush again. _Why am I blushing? _"Um…" I don't know why I told him it's fine. Not that him calling me –kun really bothers me, it's informal but who cares at this point (we are chained together after all.). It's just odd that I don't mind the girliness of him calling me that. Okay, I like it. And that's weird. This whole thing is one long awkward moment, both inside my head and out of it.

"I'm fine," I mutter in answer to his earlier question, cursing the heat that I can feel on my face. "Why do you ask?"

"You were complaining of fatigue just a few minuets ago, and you're obviously not sleeping."

I roll my eyes. "Because, I can't. I wonder whose weird sleeping habits could possibly be rubbing off on me?"

"How is it my fault that you can't sleep, Light-kun?" Ryuzaki asks, a slight smirk tugging at his mouth.

"Well, you constantly keep me up, then wake me again for coffee or some other sweet. It's messing with my sleeping patterns."

"Light-kun needs his beauty sleep, hmm?" I stare at him, torn between irritation and amusement.

"Despite what you may think, I'm not that arrogant."

"You like to tell yourself that." I make a noise halfway between a laugh and one of annoyance. I try to settle back into my pillow.

"I wonder what's really distracting you from sleep," Ryuzaki murmurs, and I blush again when I remember my earlier thoughts. Great, this time he definitely notices.

"I'm not distracted. I'm _tired."_

"Then goodnight, Light-kun."

"… Goodnight, Ryuzaki."

**OKAY, that ending was kind of fluffy. A little bit, right?. Okay, it's all in my head. Wow, long chapter! I just had to include that part with Near, and I also wanted Mello and Matt to make their appearance in the story. Near is almost as hard to draw as Light (L is easier! Light's eyes and hair give me pain.), but Mello is easy. I haven't even started Matt yet... But you don't care about my drawings.****  
**


	4. Chapter 4

**DISCLAIMER: Mine. Everything is mine. What? Of course I made Death Note! Yeah, I'm a genius, what did you expect. **

**Seriously now. Not mine, dude. **

**L POV**

Light told me he was tired, not distracted. But I have been chained to him long enough to know when something is on his mind. And Light was very much distracted before falling asleep.

Light was _blushing. _I have never seen him blush before. I don't think many people have. _So why? What was he thinking? And he didn't seem to mind when I called him –kun… And why did I call him that? It just sort of slipped out of my mouth without my consent. And I am obsessing again. _

I am 50% sure that Light is Kira. It is an equal chance either way, although my instincts tell me that the only plausible answer is that the first Kira and Light Yagami are the same person, whether the suspect himself remembers or not. I have learned to trust my instincts, but I know that the others need solid proof before they will convict anyone. They need obvious evidence, maybe even a confession. I would like one too, a confession. I want to solve this case.

This is the first case I have had that is really proving difficult to solve. Previously, it was a challenge to catch people who took precautions not to be found, but once we did getting a confession was easy. Of course, I haven't dealt with a murder case such as this. The world hasn't.

And then there is Miss Amanae. She obviously cares deeply for Light, but she also worships Kira for killing her parents' murderer. She has stated before that she will help catch Kira if it's for Light. There is a 46% chance that Misa is the second Kira.

And how about our current Kira? Who is he, or she? Definitely a new person, due to the fact that they seem to care less which criminals they kill. This Kira… he is sloppy, maybe even greedy. He seems to be doing things to benefit him, or at least that's what I think his motive is. But that would be jumping to conclusions.

. . .

"If we don't find any more leads soon, I seriously think I'm going to go insane," Light grumbles.

"We've been staring at the same reports for days now," Matsuda agrees, slapping the packet of paper down with disappointment. "The only thing we've been able to scrape up from the papers is that people from companies are probably being killed by Kira too, but we don't even know _that_ for sure…"

"I agree. We have to make a move soon, because Kira is still out there, and he's growing in strength. The longer we let him do his "work", the worse it will get," Says Aizawa grimly.

_There has to be something… _I have spent the past few days searching to see if the names of the deceased businessmen were put on the Internet before their deaths, but so far I've found nothing. "We know that the public is not out to kill the people from the companies. Their names aren't on any websites I can gain access to. So it has to be someone working on their own, if it is really Kira killing these people."

"Hmm. Well, I hate to say this, but I hope it's Kira. Otherwise we may be dealing with something else entirely," Light mutters. I nod, then slip out of my chair.

"Come, Light-kun, I want cake."

"_More?" _He asks, but he doesn't seem to expect an answer. He follows me into the kitchen.

"We do this every day, at least five times, you know." I look up at him from my fluffy desert. "And every time you eat a slice here, then bring one back."

"Your point?"

He shrugs. "There isn't one, not really. I just noticed that you seem to have a never-ending supply of desserts. There is _always_ something there for you."

"Of course there is. I need my sugar, Light-kun," I say simply, before grabbing a slice to bring back to my computer.

We spend to remainder of the day not actually doing much work. Matsuda entertains Soichiro, Mogi, and Aizawa, Misa titters to Light, and I immerse myself in cake. Until we get proof that Kira is killing the businessmen, we have nothing else to work off of.

Misa is really annoying me. She yammers loudly, spewing an endless stream of gossip. She clings to Light, and I don't know how he can stand her. I want to push her off of Light, and send her back up to her room where she can be annoying all by herself. Then maybe poor, bored L can have intelligent conversation with said girl's boyfriend. Then maybe I wouldn't have to resort to sweets as my only "friend."

_Right, but Light and I are not friends. And I am not jealous of Misa. I do not care if I get Light's attention or not, _I snap at myself. Still, I find myself watching the two of them. Very unfamiliar feeling spikes at my thoughts, one I can only call _envy. _Of Misa Amanae. This is absolutely absurd, because I have no reason to be jealous of a girly little model who has the intelligence of a potato. **(A/N That really wasn't funny but I just made myself laugh.) **

And yet, for some reason I am very much jealous of the attention she is getting. I have always accepted that I am a social outcast. I don't need human interaction, or at least much of it. I most certainly don't need that kind of attention from my number one Kira suspect. This is just confusing.

**Matt POV**

No one knows Mello like I do. No one else knows exactly when to present him with his preferred drug, chocolate. No one else can avoid the brunt of his punches, his insults, or his angry fits. No ne else can call him "Mels" without getting smooshed into the wall. No one else can call him their friend. No one is closer to Mello than I am.

And no one else cares about the fierce, seemingly cruel blonde like I do.

Feelings and emotions can be horrible, tricky devils. They can sneak up and wrap their claws around you in an instant, or they can slowly invade your every thought. Or they can do both. They can make you fall helplessly and absurdly, for a person who will never, ever return the feelings, and the whole time you are sitting there confused and frustrated. And no one else notices the chaos whirling around in your mind when you struggle to put your thoughts back in order.

I remember meeting Mello. Four, almost five, months ago, I came here alone and shy. I would just sit in the corner, content to spend every waking moment not in class gaming. The others pretty much left me alone. I'm not a social person. I don't even like going outside very much. The characters in my games had always been my only friends.

I was assigned a room with Mello because he already had a spare bed in his room. I remember everyone staring at me with wide, fearful eyes, but I just shrugged and returned to my game. I lugged my one bag to the room, followed closely by Roger who knocked on the door. He was greeted by a fierce growl.

"What do you want _now?" _Roger opened the door to reveal me, staring at my game through my orange goggles, not even bothering to look up.

"This is you roommate, Matt. Please… be nice." Mello snarled at this, and I heard a bed squeak and footsteps coming my way.

"Hey, you." I ignored him. Mello was not used to being ignored. "Hey! Answer me!" When I didn't respond, he knocked my game out of my hands. At this I looked up, and my surprised eyes met the startlingly blue ones that glared at me from behind blonde hair. Mello was holding his signature chocolate bar in hand. I stared at him for a second, and then bent down to pick my Gameboy up.

There was the longest silence, possibly ever. I just returned to my game, relieved that I hadn't lost my progress. The only sound was chocolate breaking and the pressing of the buttons on my Gameboy. At last, Mello stepped back.

"You, I like you." That's all he said. I guessed that this was something he never said, so I glanced at him, meeting his eyes again before stepping into the room.

Ever since, we've been friends. When we went to dinner that night, everyone stared at us as we sat at a table to ourselves. No one came near Mello; so no one came near me despite the fact that the new kid always gets picked on to see how strong they are. That's the way things work. Well, not everyone avoids Mello. Near doesn't.

Near is Mello's rival for the top. I have no chance in becoming the next L. That's fine by me. But for Mello, it's a whole other story. I don't like Near very much. He's weird and quite creepy. At least Mello shows emotion, and he's not just some blank robot void of all feeling. Well, Mello tends to show just a little too much emotion, but I have a feeling that even I couldn't escape his wrath if I said that.

Within a month we were the best of friends. We share secrets, know each other's weaknesses, pretty much we know each other inside out. The one thing we never talk about is our pasts.

And by my third month here, those devilish emotions had caught me in their nets, reeled me in, and strangled me until I gave into them. They struck fast, and hard. Really hard. And let me tell you, there is nothing worse than being so close to the one you love, yet knowing they will never care for you in the same way. That is why emotions and feelings are evil. Because the strike where it hurts the most.

I love Mello, but he will never love me.

I sit at the foot of my bed, clicking away while I listen to Mello rant. I crawl over and grab a chocolate bar from the stash beneath his bed and toss it to him. He catches it, of course, and rips the wrapper open. I smile to myself and return to my game.

Mello has at least one major angry fit every two to three days, which usually result in several new dents in the wall. And these rants are almost always about Near. The only thing that calms him is chocolate. The sweet really is a drug for him. He probably likes it more than anyone or anything, including me.

Damn it. That thought hurts. I want to hurl everything to do with my _stupid _feelings for Mello out of my head. It's completely pointless and pathetic. _Mello doesn't care about me like that. He's straight, for crying out loud. Get a grip, Matt. Can't I go one day without thinking about Mello? _

I know the answer to that question. No.


	5. Chapter 5

DISCLAIMER: Not mine, dude. I WISH.

**Mello POV**

_Ugh, this is so boring. _I'm already a whole chapter ahead of my history class. I never liked history. How is knowing what year Columbus found the New World (it's 1492) going to help us catch criminals? It's not. Ever, end of story.

Besides, History is the least important subject in my mind. We could use this time in math (boring, but useful) or science (not boring) or tech (Matt loves that class), but _no _History is _so _important. Essential. Right.

Also, Near is in this class. At least in science he's in a group across the room, but in History he just _has _to sit next me. And he gets _every damn answer right. _Even if I only get half a point off, he's still always perfect. It's inhuman. He must be at least three chapters ahead in all his classes. I have to catch up, but Matt gets mad at me for staying up so late studying. As if he's not doing the same on his Gameboy.

The bell rings, finally, for lunch. I grab my books and I'm already out the door when Near catches up to me.

"Hello Mello."

"Near." I don't even look at him.

"I saw that you got second on the semester test again."

I grit my teeth. "What's it to you?" Normally I would have already pummeled anyone who tried to do this, but Near is different. He's the only one better than me, at the moment that is. I will succeed.

"I see you're still as emotional as ever."

"Yeah, unlike you, I'm not a dumbass robot. I actually _think, _can you believe it?"

"I think that your statement is incorrect. See, I do think. Otherwise, we wouldn't be having a conversation right now."

I round on him. "_Shut up, _Near!" I yell, clenching my free hand into a fist.

"Mels! Catch!" I turn at the sound of Matt's voice and walk forward to meet the redhead, ignoring the little bleached idiot behind me.

"Hi, Matt. Let's go."

"Sure, I'm hungry." He completely ignores the albino bastard, much to my liking. I don't want to think about his existence.

When we reach the cafeteria, I smile at the sight of chocolate pudding. It's a known fact that I need my chocolate, and whenever there's something with the heavenly food inside it there's always plenty left until I get one. People know to leave one for Mello. Nothing gets between me and my chocolate.

Matt and I sit at our table in the corner, thankfully Near doesn't follow us. He can go sit with his toys. Matt gives me his pudding, and I grunt my thanks. Matt is the only person who will ever get a sign of gratitude from me. I lazily stir my spoon around the empty plastic cup, waiting for Matt to finish his sandwich. People still look at us funny, as if waiting for me to crack and beat Matt to a pile of dust. Well, sorry to break it to you all, but I like Matt. He's my friend, unlike all you idiots.

"Come on, Matt. Let's go outside." I know what his reaction will be, but we're going out today whether he likes it or not.

"Mels… Do we _have to?" _

"Yes, and your leaving your game." He stares at me in shock, and I grin wickedly.

"Than you leave your chocolate!" Now it's my turn to be surprised.

"No way!"

"Then I'm staying inside." I scowl.

"Matt!"

He crosses his arms. "Leave your chocolate, I'll leave my game, and I'll go outside." He won't relent, but I _really _want to go outside. We've been in for the past week, and it's not raining today.

"Come on, it's sunny today!"

"Okay, how about this. I'll hold onto your chocolate for you, and give it you if you freak. Deal?"

I hesitate. Sun shine sin through the window, taunting me. "Ugh, fine. But if I see you on that thing before lunch ends, I swear I'll break it."

"If you break it, I'll drop your precious candy in the mud and walk over it," Matt teases.

"Oh, like _hell _you will!" I growl, and grab his arm. "Come on, you're finished."

"Okay, if you say so." He dumps his sandwich in the trash and we go out of the building. The sun shines down, warming the usually wet grounds of the orphanage. I let go of Matt and head over to our tree. It's a big old oak with lots of spots to sit. In sunny weather, it's nice to sit up here and talk or study. Plus, we usually get left alone here. I always have. I claimed it when I first came here, pretty much. I hold my hand out expectantly, and he reluctantly hands his game over. I take one last bite of chocolate before giving it up. I pocket his console and climb swiftly up the tree. The other children are starting to filter out onto the yard, so we hasten to escape into the leaves. No one stares at us here.

I settle with my back to the trunk on a wide branch, Matt sits on a slightly higher branch with his legs dangling down. The wind tussles his brown hair, and he pulls the orange goggles off for once, revealing dark green eyes. Under the goggles, it's hard to see them, but his eyes are really cool. Despite the fact that he is slightly fashion- challenged (stripes? Come _on._), he manages to pull it off and looks pretty damn good.

Okay. I'm just going to pretend that I didn't just think of my best friend as "damn good looking." Although he is… Stop it, Mello. I'm blushing. God fuck dammit.

"I want my chocolate," I grumble.

Matt laughs. "Already?" I snort, and smirk at him.

"Yes already."

"Matty! Mat-ty!" calls a girly voice. Matt looks down, scowling.

"Oh, what now?"

I laugh. "I think you're the target this week!"

"Crap!"

"Matty, come down here!"

Matt hates being called that. I always use it to tease him, because it annoys him so much.

"Don't call me that!" he snaps towards the ground. I peek through the leaves and see a group of girls standing at the base of the tree.

"I can beat them up for you," I suggest. "I'd love to, actually. They're breaking in on my quiet."

"Don't, not yet. Lets see if they'll leave."

"We wont go until Matty comes down!"

"Shit."

"You've got no choice now, Matty," I mimic the high-pitched squeal of the girls. He glares at me.

"No. I'm staying right here."

I shrug. "They wont go away."

"Then so be it." We sit in silence, still staring down at the girls below. In the three times that Matt's been the target since he came here, I've noticed that he hates the game as much as I do, if not more. I think it's stupid and annoying, but I've only been the target twice my whole time here, because few girls are brave enough o come up to me. But the girls really seem to like Matt. Maybe because he's shy. At any rate, Matt gets really agitated every time he's the target. I don't know why I never asked before.

"Hey Matt?"

He meets my gaze questioningly. "Yeah?"

"I hate this stupid game and all, but you seem to despise it even more than me? Why is that?" I get a reaction I really didn't expect from him. His eyes widen and he quickly looks away, and he's _blushing, _lightly, but blushing_. _Okay.

"Um, it's just really stupid and annoying." I roll my eyes and snort.

"Yeah, right. That's not the whole answer, I think we both know that." He still wont look me in the eyes.

"Actually, it is."

"No, it's not. That's bullshit, Matt." I shift onto my knees and put my elbows on Matt's branch. "Why does this bother you so much, do you actually like someone or something?" His cheeks darken a little bit. It's no more obvious that he's blushing. It's _cute _to see him like this.

Dammit, Mello. Stop it with the weird thoughts!

"No, I don't like anyone. Especially none of these girls." There's something about the way he says that about these _girls _that brings a whole new possibility to my mind.

"Are you gay?" The question really takes him off guard. His eyes snap to my face, eyes wide.

"No!"

I smirk, backing back down into my seat. "You sound pretty defensive to me. I don't care, you know, You're still Matt to me." He looks down at his hands and mumbles something that I can't quite make out, but sounds something like,

"Ithinyoocar."

I tilt my head. "What?"

"I didn't say anything."

He definitely said something, but his expression keeps me from saying anything. He looks… it's hard to say, conflicted and miserable is the best I can think of. His goggles fall back over his eyes, and I snarl down at the girls below.

"If you don't get away from us, I'll come down there and kick every one of your pathetic asses!"

The girls scatter, and Matt's mouth turns up a little at the corners. "Thanks."

"Sure. They were annoying me too. Can I have my chocolate?"

Matt rolls his eyes. "What about what we said earlier?"

"I know, but I want my chocolate! I'll give you your Gameboy."

"Nope!"

I scowl, crossing my arms. I glare up at Matt, who's watching me in amusement. He seems back to normal, but behind the goggles, his eyes still betray his true emotion, the same unfamiliar mix as before. I sigh.

"Please, Matt?" I _never _say please. Never. The amusement flies off his face and turns to a kind of surprise. He smiles, and pulls out my chocolate.

"Here." I smile and accept the candy, then put his Gameboy in his hand.

"We can't go for very long without our addictions, can we?"

"Nope!" I gloat, biting a bit off.

I'm happy to have my chocolate, but all I can really think about is Matt's pained expression, and the ghost of it that still haunts his eyes.


	6. Chapter 6

_**VERY IMPORTANT: **__**I have re-written chapters 2-5. Please re-read them. They are a lot better and more interesting, and the story is taking a different turn. I am going to change the title of the story soon to "There are Complications, but Screw It". This is also in the summary. Thank you. **_

**DISCALIMER: Not mine, dude.**

**Light POV**

"Well, at least we know that Kira is definitely going after businessmen now," I say grimly. Twenty people from different companies died yesterday, all from heart attacks.

"Yes, but it doesn't do much to help us," L mutters.

"So many!" Matsuda cries when he sees the paper.

"Well, it's been a while since Kira struck like this. It was foolish, though no one seems to suspect Kira. The time of death and the way they died is quite clouded; obviously they don't want to suggest the idea of Kira doing this.

I run my fingers through my hair. The past few days have been tiring, mostly because of the thoughts that have been whirling around in my mind. Half of the time I'm searching for leads and re-thinking previous assumptions, and the other half I'm struggling with confusing feelings. Top that all off with minimal sleep, and you get a very exasperated Light Yagami.

I don't really understand what's been going through my head; I don't really understand why I'm feeling all this confusion. Mostly I just find myself thinking about Ryuzaki when I don't have anything else on my mind, and thoughts of him are starting to pop up when they shouldn't be. I find myself blushing whenever he watches me. And it doesn't make much sense, considering that I'm not supposed to care about anything to do with L. But I do.

I like it when he talks with me, not when he's accusing me, but when we're actually _talking, _and Misa's not there to annoy me. I find myself watching him, and suddenly I catch myself thinking, _Actually, that's kind of a cute quirk. _And it's all nonsense and ridiculously unrealistic. The reasons for this being, A) I don't like Ryuzaki. I'm not supposed too, at least. B) I'm male, obviously, and so is Ryuzaki. And I'm damn straight, thank you very much. So why I'm having feelings that any person would constitute as attraction really makes no sense. C) L suspects me of being Kira. Obvious complications arise here. Please.

I do not like L. I don't have some form of attraction to him, in anyway. I don't, I don't, I absolutely don't. Of course, I might as well be talking to Misa for all the good it is doing me. I still find myself thinking about the black haired, panda-eyes misfit detective. Logic and reasoning clearly aren't on my side.

. . .

The other Task Force members are out for today, leaving me with Ryuzaki. Misa thankfully went with Matsuda, so she's not here to annoy us. Of course, we're only half focusing. We've gone through the recent report twenty times at least, and found nothing new. L crouches on his chain, balancing a box of strawberry Pocky on his knees.

"You're not eating cake, for once."

"Yes," he agrees, snapping off the candy-coated half with his teeth. "Any sweet will do, really."

I guessed as much from the bowl of lollipops by your pillow."

"Yes, it's quite nice to have a snack available in the middle of the night without having to go all the way to kitchen." I snort.

"That doesn't stop you, especially when we're not within ten feet of your precious lollipops."

"Yes," he agrees, then pulls a handful of lollipops out of his pocket, a small smile flickering across his face. "That's why I have these with me."

I return the smile. "Ah."

"Light-kun, if you never eat sweets, then what _is _your preferred snack?"

I pause, thinking. "I don't know. Chips are good, I guess."

"Oh, so you _do _consume food that aren't considered healthy."

"Yes, of course I do. There's a difference between sweets and other 'junk' food."

"Touché." He turns back to his computer and scrolls lazily down the page. I do the same, finding myself immensely bored. My thoughts, of course, wander to Ryuzaki sitting just five four feet away from me. He's obviously is just as distracted as I am. Our eyes meet, and I look away, feeling the heat on my face.

This is ridiculous.

**Matt POV**

I love sitting in the tree, letting the wind blow through my hair and the sunlight filter through the leaves. I swing my legs in time to the Pokémon theme song running through my head. For once, I don't want to immerse myself in the world of Mario and Zelda and Pikachu, because I'm perfectly content to watch the leaves flutter and Mello's hair glint in the sun. The sun falls on his eyes, making them appear even lighter than normal.

Mello is looking up at me, watching me just as I'm watching him out of the corner of my eye. I push my goggles into my hair and smile a little bit. It's nice to escape the stares of everyone as they watch us, the strangest pair in the whole orphanage.

"I want my chocolate."

"Already?" I snigger, and he smirks.

"Yes already."

And then our blissful peace is destroyed.

"Matty! Mat-ty!"

"Oh, what now?" I scowl at the ground below us, where a gaggle of girls peers up into the leaves.

Mello laughs. "I think you're the target this week."

"Crap!" I hate this game. I've been the target three times in five months, and it's not only annoying but awkward, because I'm _so _not interested in girls. Obviously.

"Matty, come down here!" Oh, how I hate that name. I only allow Mello to use it when he teases me.

"Don't call me that!" Mello looks over the edge.

"I can beat them up for you. I'd love to, actually. They're breaking in on my quiet."

"Don't, not yet. Let's see if they leaver." I hope to God they do.

"We won't go till Matty comes down!"

"Shit."

Mello snickers, and in a girly voice says, "You've got no choice now Matty!"

"No. I'm staying right here."

He shrugs. 'They wont go away."

"Then so be it." I glare down at them wishing they would stop making my life so miserable. I don't know why I've been picked so much, but the girls seem to find my shyness "cute." And I can't just go out and say, "Hey, look out, I'm gay!" Nope, that's not happening.

"Hey Matt?"

"Yeah?"

""I hate this stupid game and all, but you seem to despise it even more than me? Why is that?" he asks. It's an innocent enough question, but we're heading places I don't want to go. I feel my face heat up slightly and my eyes widen. I look away, unable to meet his gaze. Curse these stupid devilish feelings.

"Um, it's just really stupid and annoying." I don't think he'll buy it, and sadly, I'm right. He rolls his eyes.

"Yeah, right. That's not the answer; I think we both know that." I just can't meet his gaze.

"Actually, it is."

"No, it's not. That's bullshit, Matt," he persist, kneeling and putting his elbows on my branch. "Why does this bother you so much, do you actually like someone or something?"

Great. We're getting closer and closer and I hate this and kill me now before I say something that I'll regret for the rest of my life. I blush harder.

"No, I don't like anyone," I protest, and before I can stop myself, I add, "Especially none of these girls." Aw, crap. It's going to be so obvious.

He pauses, and then curiosity sparks in his eyes. "Are you gay?" My eyes fly back to his face. This is going downhill. I have to fix this; I don't want to loose Mello, my only friend. It's hard enough already.

"No!" he smirks, and then sits back down.

"You sound pretty defensive to me. I don't care, you know. You're still Matt to me."

_Oh, but you would care. You would hate me if you ever found out…_

I look down at my hands and let my goggles fall over my eyes. "I think you'd care," I whisper.

"What?"

"I didn't say anything." I know that my face is betraying me. I want to tell him _so _badly, but I just know that he would reject me and abandon me, he would hate me. He's Mello. I'm conflicted, and I'm miserable. And you can see that all over my face. I can't look up.

"If you don't get away from us, I'll come down and kick every one of your pathetic asses!" My eyes widen. _Mello…. _Mello doesn't understand why, but he knows I'm hurting. The words are threatening to spill over, but I bite them back. I can't. I can't tell him.

. . .

_"Matt, go away. Leave me alone! I hate you" I tried to keep from falling to my knees, but they gave out under me anyway. How could I be so utterly crushed like this?_

_ "Mello…" I whimpered, reaching out towards the blonde. He just spat and turned away from me. _

_ "Leave me alone Matt. I _hate _you." I made a weird strangled noise, trying desperately not to fall apart in front of Mello._

_ "Mello, please…" _

"Matt! Hey, Matt! Wake _up!" _ I sit up with a jolt, Mello's name still on my lips. A pair of worried crystal-blue eyes obscures my vision. I realize that I'm shaking, and I have to struggle to keep tears from spilling out of my eyes. They always end like this, the nightmares.

Mello dies. Mello leaves. Mello finds a new friends, leaves me falls in love with some girl… they always end with Mello hating me, it being my fault, or him forgetting about me completely.

But Mello's here. He's gazing at me in worried horror as I shake uncontrollably. The light is on, illuminating the room in yellow light, and the window is dark, the time reads two twenty-six. And Mello is awake. Mello has never woken up before to rouse me from my nightmares. Was he still awake? But how did he know?

"Matt?" I've stopped shaking, and the impending tears have receded. I can't trust my voice, so I just look at him. Mistake, he winces. My face must still show the pain from my dream. I try to force the expression away.

"Matt, are you okay?" I nod slowly.

"Why… Are you awake?" great, my voice is still strangled. I cough to try and clear it.

"…You were talking in your sleep. You kept… you kept saying my name… You sounded miserable, so I woke you up." He moves back so I can sit up fully, kneeling at the foot of my bed.

"Oh… thanks." I'm back to normal, but the shock of the dream lingers.

"Are you're okay?" Mello is always awkward with close human interactions, but he's really concerned.

"Yeah, you should go back to sleep."

"…Okay. G'night, Matt." He clambers into his bed, glances at me one last time, and clicks off the light. After a while, his breathing slows, but even after hours of lying there I can't fall asleep.


	7. Chapter 7

**In answer to my FIRST REVIEW (I'm sending you a really loud thank you and a cookie (here: (cookie) ha-ha crappy cookie!) through my keyboard): Soon. One- two chapters at the most. VERY SOON. I know, it's already chapter seven (wow I'm updating daily! OMG!) But soon. **

**DISCLAIMER: I can't believe I still have to put this here, but it's part of regulations... NOT MINE.**

**Mello POV**

Matt has had nightmares before. But he never _talks. _And he's never said _my name _like I'm repeatedly stabbing him with a white-hot rusty nail. I've never woken up in the middle of the night; I just know when he's had one, because the next day he's quieter than usual. They started up… about a month ago? I don't really know.

I was studying, and kind of dozed off last night. And then I heard Matt say my name. I thought Matt was awake, but he wasn't, and he was whimpering in his sleep. And then he said my name again, and he sounded _miserable. _I just sat there, staring at him, wondering if I should wake him or not.

"Mello…. Please…" He was begging now, and Matt doesn't beg for anything. I didn't want to hear it anymore, so I woke him up.

"Matt! Wake up! Matt!" I had to shake him before he sat up, shaking. I was really worried at this point. Oh, you know, just 'cause my best friend was just practically crying my name in his sleep, and now he's shaking like he's standing in the snow with nothing but his underwear on. And he looks like he's about to break down.

I have never seen Matt cry once. No one at Wammy's has. He's tough, shy, but tough. Nothing rattles him, even my angry rants. He's patient and hardly ever fazed. But when I asked him if he was alright, his face was just utterly devastated. He quickly recovered, but he didn't sleep again.

Neither did I. I lay in my bed, waiting. But his breathing never slowed. And that's why I'm so exhausted now, sitting here in Math. I can't even figure out two plus two, damn it.

"This is why you shouldn't stay up so late studying," Matt teases. He's back to his normal self, it seems. Whatever his dream was, it must've just shocked him pretty bad at the time. I almost make a comment about how he kept me up last night, but it isn't his fault and I figure that's not a good idea.

"Shut up."

"Don't wanna." I ignore him, because the bell rings in five...four…three…two…

_"One!" _I say, a bit louder than I meant to, as the bell rings. "Come on Matt, let's _go." _That bastard is taking ages to collect his books. I tap my foot impatiently until Matt stands. I start walking, not bothering to wait for him to catch up to my swift pace.

"Come _on!" _

"Hello, Mello." I jump. Damn that little bastard.

"What?" I growl at the little albino sheep sitting on the stairs that lead to the upstairs dorms. "Move it, I'm tired."

He smiles. God is it creepy when he does that. He shuffles to the edge, and I storm up the stairs. Too late I realize that Matt isn't behind me. I turn around, looking for him, and see him at the bottom of the stairs. Near has caught hold of his sleeve and is saying something. Matt usually tries to stay neutral between the two of us, but I hate seeing him talk to Near.

"MATT!" I yell down the stairs. "Get your ass up here!"

"Coming, Mels!" Near releases his sleeve and he hurries to meet me.

"What did the sheep want?"

"Just asking why you are so grumpy today."

I scowl. "What did you tell him?"

"I told him that I didn't notice any difference from yesterday… or the day before, or the day before that, or the day before that." He smirks, and I glare at him.

"Very funny."

"You're right, it is."

"Shut your face, Matt."

"Okay, boss."

**L POV**

I bend over to take a closer look at the busted heater. "Definitely broken."

"No wonder it's so cold!" Matsuda sighs. Misa squeals, and like usual, attaches herself to Light.

"Yay! We can cuddle to keep warm!"

Light sighs. "How long will it be like this?"

"Until we can get it fixed, I'd say probably a few days."

"Perfect timing. It's getting really cold outside," Aizawa mutters. "Well, there's nothing we can do about it. We'll just keep our coats on."

I nod. "It gets quite cold here, so definitely do that."

"What are you going to do? The three of you sleep here." Soichiro is plainly worried for his son.

"We have blankets. We'll be fine. But, enough of this, shouldn't you all be getting home?"

"Eh? Oh, yeah!"

"Wow, Matsuda. You actually weren't counting down the seconds today, hmm?" Light teases, and the young man blushes.

"Well… um."

Light laughs. It's a real laugh, not one of his "perfect" laughs. He is genuinely amused. There seem to be more and more of these recently. "I'm just teasing, Matsuda."

He relaxes and laughs along with Light. "Oh, yeah. Well, bye then!" He leaves the room and is closely followed by Mogi, Aizawa, and Soichiro. Misa tugs on light's hand, and we follow.

"Light, I'll see you tomorrow."

"Please tell Sayu and Sachiko hello for me."

"Of course." He picks up his case and leaves. Watari comes down with a stack of papers.

"The list of companies you wished for, Ryuzaki."

"Thank you, Watari." I take the papers from his hands and put them next to my computer.

"What are those for?" Light asks around Misa.

"I want to mark off which companies are loosing people, as well as know exactly how many are dying from each. I think this will be helpful."

"Ah. I can help if you want."

I shake my head. "I doubt you'll get much done… it's fine." He wont be doing anything with Misa around.

Misa snuggles into Light's chest. "I can practically see my breath!"

"Right, Misa." Light rolls his eyes, but she doesn't notice.

I hate it when she does this. It's annoying and distracting, and the temptation to push her off Light is hard to ignore. Misa doesn't deserve Light. Light may be arrogant and cold, but he has another side to him. A girl with the intelligence level of a moth (she does constantly flutter around Light, does she not?) is not worth his time.

I have been forced to admit that I am very attracted to Light. I guess I've been denying it, because it's just a tad irrational. Extremely irrational, actually. I am not one of much romantic experience (some, but not much.), but even I recognize what I'm feeling. But yes, I'm falling for him. Sometimes I wonder if I'm going insane, but the chance of that is hovering just above zero. So there is some hope for me. But I am a detective, and in this case, strong emotions such as love could be fatal, considering the object of my affections happens to by my number one Kira suspect.

I didn't expect this outcome when I chained us together. I have been completely blindsided, and after struggling with myself I've come to a very inconvenient conclusion. I am falling in love with Light Yagami. That is one of three things I am sure of, the other two being that this is not good in any way, shape, or form and that Light is straight.

. . .

"Damn, it's cold at night," Light mutters sleepily. It's later that he'd like tonight.

"It's winter, Light-kun. It's going to snow soon in many places, including England," I inform him, gesturing to my computer.

"Why do you care about England's weather?"

"Why not?"

The corner of his mouth lifts into a half-smile. "As expected." He yawns. "What time is it?… Really, two? Great. I'm going to sleep."

"Goodnight, Light-kun."

"'Night, Ryuzaki," he answers, clicking off the light. My laptop is the only source of light, excepting the moonlight falling on the carpet. Within twenty-five minuets Light is asleep. Even I'm tired tonight, and I pull the blanket over my knees, because it _is _cold. I stretch out a little bit and movie into more of a horizontal position, my back propped up by a pillow. This is a weird position for me, but this way I can stay warm and still type.

It's now that I realize Light is far closer than usual. Obviously it's cold, so I'm not surprised, but this sends my heart rate up. Of course it does. The dim light from my computer falls onto his face, casting dramatic shadows. I realize I've been watching him for five minuets, so I turn my attention back to my work. After a while, I drift into a half-sleep state, staring at the same document for a long time.

Suddenly, Light moves. He's already close, but now his head is resting on my chest, his arms curled up close to his chest, hands resting against me. I freeze up, surprised by the sudden movement and contact. I'm snapped out of my stupor, eyes wide. My computer is asleep, but I can still make Light out in the moonlight.

He's still sound asleep. I stare at him for several minuets, still trying to register what happened. _It's really that chilly… _

My hand moves to the hair falling over his face. I brush it back, finally starting to relax. Light looks cute in his sleep. I can feel tiredness coming back to me, and I just let it overtake me.

I wake up suddenly, because light has moved off of me. He blinks sleepily, and then notices his position. I watch as he blushes and moves away, still waking up.

"Sorry, Ryuzaki! I-I think I got really cold last night…" he looks even cute when he's embarrassed. And I really shouldn't be thinking that.

I sit up. "It's fine." In reality, I wish he'd do it again.

"Hey… you fell asleep."

I nod. "It was too cold… I didn't feel like working." I stand up and unchain myself. I reattach the chain to the bed. "I'm first today."

. . .

"_What?" _I practically shout into the phone. "What do you mean, _burned down?" _I'm not even sitting in my chair anymore. Light stares at me with wide eyes, surprised by my sudden outburst.

"Yes, L. There's been a fire. We can re-build, but-"

I slam my hand down on the table. "Damn it, Roger! What about Near and Mello? Matt? The others?"

"Most everyone's okay… including Matt's Gameboy."

"_Most _everyone?"

I can practically hear him grimace sadly. "Only a few got burns…"

I growl exasperatedly. "What now? Where is everyone going while you rebuild the place? Is Watari going to help? Why didn't he tell me? Where is he?"

Watari is on his way here. I told him that I'd inform you. And we've made arrangements."

"For _everyone? _Where are Mello, Near, and Matt going?"

"Well, I was hoping that you could accommodate them…" I think this through. I do miss my possible successors, and even if Matt isn't a true candidate, I count him along with Near and Mello.

"When do they arrive?"

"Tomorrow."

"Of course. I have to go, Roger. Thank you for calling. Good luck."

"Same to you, L." I hung up and sighed.

"Ryuzaki?" I'd forgotten all about the boy sitting six feet away form me. 'Um, what happened?"

I turn to him. "Light-kun, you're going to meet my possible successors."

**Well, i did promise you soon! And that moment with Light and l was just plain fluff. You have to admit it. It was.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Kyaa! More reviews! Yay! More cookies! (cookie) (cookie) (cookie)**

**Okay, sorry :P **

**FYI torch is flashlight in England. I am not British. I just know these things :3**

**And after much searching I have come to the conclusion that I am free to come up with Mello and Matt's pasts as I wish! Besides their ages and the time period they lived in Wammy's (yeah, for Matt I edited that because I felt like it would add to his confusion over his feelings for Mello and stuff), there's no info on them! Yay! I call free territory!**

**DISCLAIMER: Not mine, dude**

**Near POV**

I sit in my room, surrounded by toys. I'm fine not having a roommate; I prefer the solitude. I often wonder what Matt did to gain Mello's friendship. Not because I'm interested in befriending the angry blonde, merely because I am curious to know. Not that it matters much to me.

I pick up my Mello and Matt dolls, holding them close together. I wonder how close is their relationship? It seems to me (in the times I've seen Matt watching Mello with a certain look on his face, or how he always listens to Mello and sides with him) that Matt probably loves Mello. If I'm correct, then no one else but Matt and I know this. Mello is obviously oblivious to this. I'm not sure _how _infatuated Matt is, but I'm 87% sure that he is pining for Mello.

I pity Matt, not only for the ignorance of his friend and possible attraction, but also for the fact that he has let his emotions and feelings get the better of him. He obviously cannot force them into submission and ignore them until they dissipate, pushing him even farther from his chance at being the next L. Not that he had much of a chance in the first place.

_BRING! BRING! BRING! _

I jump as the alarm cuts into my thoughts, signaling… what? A drill? Could this be a real emergency? We are always informed of drills in order to reduce panic, but are they trying to create a realistic scenario? I stand, grabbing my favorite toy, and decide that I will treat this as a real danger, because the percentage of that at this point is about 75%. Of course, someone could have accidentally set the alarms off.

I open the door to my room. I can't see, hear, smell, or feel any signs of danger excepting the questioning calls. I step out of my room, looking around. Slowly we venture into the hall, sensing no real threat until Roger's voice comes over the intercom.

"There is a fire in the kitchen. Please exit the building calmly, and avoid that area at all costs." After a few stunned moments of silence, many children turn back into their rooms to grab their most precious items before barreling into the hall. Now the voices are anxious and scared, and I join the crown of people making their way to the stairs. I look around, wondering where of my rival's whereabouts. I can't find Mello or Matt anywhere, even though their dorm is on the floor above, and the group of children from the third floor has already appeared.

I am not particularly concerned for Mello, because I know that he'll get out. If he doesn't, I wouldn't be particularly sad at all, only remorseful for the loss of interesting competition. And I don't know Matt well, so his death wouldn't affect me.

In the main hall, people are rushing to the main doors. There are other entrances, but none as easy to access from all over the building as this. There are also fire escape sin the farthest rooms, but I know that those are quite questionable. There is a short hall leading to the kitchen, and the doors to that are closed. I assume the cafeteria doors are closed too, but that doesn't stop smoke from seeping out the cracks, or the heat that radiates through. I glimpse a faint orange glow before I'm swept away towards the door by the frenzied mob.

It's pathetic what emotions do to people. Fear causes them to scream, cry, and panic as they search for the nearest way out. Love clouds the mind, sorrow makes people pity themselves, and anger blinds them with a thirst for revenge.

I'm forced into the cold night, and the icy air comes as a relief from the smoky, steadily heating hall. The smoke is starting to billow in thicker and thicker clouds. In the distance, just barely audible over the yells and cries, I hear sirens.

"Head to the creek!" Across the expanse of the lush grounds and down a grassy slope lies a slow creep that also marks the extent of the property. It lies nearly five hundred yards from the orphanage itself, giving us plenty of room. Mello and Matt still haven't appeared yet. I assume that they are out now, but I doubt I'll see them in the crowd now, because the only light comes from the lamps dotted around the path and the flames.

"Come hear, dears. That's it, cross the brook. Don't worry your feet will dry. Hurry now," Mrs. Edwards instructs comfortingly. She stands across the stream, helping the smaller children cross. I step into the frigid water, and I shiver even though it only goes up just above my ankles here. It is almost winter, after all.

There aren't actually many children here. Wammy's House is for the intellectually gifted, so there are only about two hundred-fifty to three hundred, but combine that with the staff and you have quite a few people to get out of the building. And when they all glob together, it forms quite a crowd.

"Near, come here please." I follow the voice and find myself standing in front of Mr. Parker, who is holding a bag of torches. "Here."

"Thank you." I turn it on, although I don't need the light.

"I want you to go further back over there. We're breaking people into groups. You'll have the light for them, so make sure they can see you."

"Of course." I walk over to the stump he had motioned at, and wait while people join me. I sit on the stump and shine the flashlight on the grass, watching as flames slowly devour my home.

**Matt POV**

"There is a fire in the kitchen. Please exit the building calmly, and avoid that area at all costs." I freeze as Roger's voice echoes through the building. So the alarms weren't a mistake.

"Shit! Matt, come on, we should get outta here!" I don't move, because my mind is stuck on one word, _fire. _

"Fire…" I mutter, still staring at my open Gameboy, not bothering to stand up straight and stop leaning on the wall. Mello scowls.

"_Matt! _Are you in there? Hellooo?" He grabs my Gameboy and snaps it shut, pocketing it. "Quit staring at this damn thing, we've got to get out of here!" My eyes slowly move up to meet his, and something in my brain clicks.

"Crap!" I gasp, and straighten up.

"Finally! Come on!" Mello snaps, grabbing my wrist and tugging me into a run. "They said it's in the kitchen, so we'd better get out of here quick."

We are behind the kitchen, in one of those back corridors that no one goes in, so we can have some piece and quiet. We're not supposed to be out of our rooms, but people can find us there. It's too cold to go to the tree, and there's no fun going at night. I run after Mello, letting him guide me. I don't think I could find my way out of here if he didn't, because I _really _don't like fire. Yeah, fire Pokémon and power ups are cool, but only when they exist in an eight-bit world.

Everyone hates big fires that burn buildings down to ashes, but I can't even be around campfires without constantly worrying. Things like candles and matches don't bother me, but anything bigger than I can blow out is _so _not good. It brings back bad memories.

I feel so ridiculous. First I nearly break down over a damn dream, and now I'm not able to think straight. Great, Matt, way to not be a drama queen. Of course, that nightmare was days ago, but I'm still mad at myself for being so pathetic. _Get over it, Matt. Quit thinking about Mello so much, and half your worries will go away. _Easier said than done, of course, when every time I look at Mello another claw of _god damn feeling _pokes me just a little too hard.

I blink hard and try to focus my thoughts. _Just get out of the building. You'll be fine, everything will be fine… _My attempts to calm myself are flattened as a puff of smoke hits me flat in the face. The next thing I notice is the wave of heat and the orange glow.

"Gah!" Mello releases my wrist, crouching down. I do too, and cough.

"Fuck. The flames are spreading faster than I thought… we have to go this way." I follow him without thinking, crawling on the floor towards another door. He opens it, and we scramble through. I slam the door behind me, trying to block the smoke and heat. We chose the wrong time to go so far back. There are at least another two halls to go through…

"Mello, t-this way!" I manage, pointing to the door at the end of the corridor. We make our way through, and end up at the bottom of the stairs in the main hall. It took us long enough that most everyone is out. The children who aren't are making wild rabbit dashes to the doors. But the flames are still advancing, and they've swallowed the doors that lead to the cafeteria, halfway blocking the way to the front exit. I start running, but the smoke blinds me so I'm forced to crouch. This slows me, and I realize I can't see Mello.

"Mello?" I croak. The smoke hurts my throat, and I can barely speak anymore. I don't get an answer. "Mello?" I call louder.

"This way!" I follow his strained voice through the orange haze and the heat. It's not long before I meet him and we stare at the flames.

"We need to go around..." I can feel panic tugging at my thoughts. I have to get out of here. I'm almost at the doors, almost at the doors. I keep inhaling smoke, but at this point the gasses are so thick in here it doesn't matter anyway. I feel sick like I'm going to pass out. _Shit, Matt. Come on, come on… _I feel heat on my back, and my eyes are stinging horribly. Someone small runs past me, shrieking.

"Matt!" The cracking of flames halfway drowns Mello's scratchy voice out, but I follow it forward.

"Matt! Where are you?" This voice belongs to a woman. I can't see, but I feel hands on my shoulders, pulling me out into fresh air.

"Is he alright?" comes a frantic voice, I think Mello's? I don't know anymore. The air is a cold shock on my skin, and I'm staggering away from the building with help from the person who helped me get out. I don't even know who it is… My vision goes dark, and I can't think straight. And that's when I black out.

**Did I overdo it? I HAD to do something interesting with his past, and I figured this ties in perfectly. **


	9. Chapter 9

**Yay! Another review, and in answer to it: I know exactly how Mello and Matt are going to get together… but it may be another four-six chapters (but that's the high end of the range). Then again, it could very well be two-four depending on the length and the amount of patience I have. I want everyone to get together soon because if there were a genre labeled fluff that's what the second genre of this story would be. Romantic fluff is the goal here, so I want to bring on the fluff and romance! **

**Also. I was alerted of a very unfortunate typo in the first chapter. It's very embarrassing to find a typo like that in my story! It may be hilarious, but I have fixed it. Yes I care about a typo in chapter one. **

**DISCLAIMER: Not mine, dude**

**Mello POV**

The fire was frightening, and for a few seconds there I'd thought that I'd never get out, but then the nurse was there to help. My throat and eyes hurt, I keep coughing, my hair is slightly singed, and my chocolate is pretty melted, but other than that I'm fine. But Matt… When Matt heard the alarms, he froze up. When he found out it was a fire, it's like his head stopped working.

He wasn't listening to me very well. He looked like he was on the verge of panic, which is so unlike the Matt I know it scared me. What is _with _him recently? When we reached the hall, he really started freaking out. I don't even think he realized it, but he was practically having a panic attack. He was hyperventilating and was obviously having trouble thinking straight. And when I realized he wasn't with me when I left, I suddenly am terrified I'd lose him. The realization that I could lose Matt was like someone had punched me in the chest.

If I lost Matt, I'd be devastated. He's my best friend. My _only _friend. He's the only person I can tell anything, and he'd still stick with me. I'd miss him like crazy, his humor, his patience, and his calmness. All of that just disappeared in the fire. I need the calm, gamer Matt back _now, _dammit!

When the nurse finds him stumbling through the smoke, covered in soot and coughing like crazy, I am both relieved and scared. He obviously is _not _doing well. He practically falls when Ms. Clarke helps him, and he doesn't seem to be seeing anything.

"Is he alright?" My voice sounds far more frantic than I would like, but at this point I don't care.

"I don't know, he panicked in there and inhaled a lot of smoke."

"I had no fucking idea. Help him!" I snarl as he suddenly slumps to the ground. Ms. Chaisty catches him just before he hits the grass.

"Help me move him. He's fainted."

I help half drag, half carry him away from the burning building. The nurse sets him against a tree and I half fall, half sit in front of him.

"Matt!" my throat is rough from the smoke, making it hard to speak. I take his goggles off his face. He's pale under the black soot, like a ghost. I feel sick, but I try to ignore it. _Damn smoke. _I can only stare at my friend, wishing he'd wake up. The feeling of horror was back, tying my insides into knots. I scowled, leaning forward and shaking his shoulders.

"Wake up, Matt!" I am forced to turn away from him as I cough violently, grimacing at the pain it causes. "Ngg…" I press a hand to my throat, trying to cut the scratchy pain. The taste of smoke is awful; it tastes like rancid dust and dries my mouth out. The sick feeling intensifies, and I snap my eyes shut. I don't want to black out like Matt, but my head is spinning. I hear voices around me, but I just lay my head on my knees.

"Here, kid." I look up, and there is a gruff looking man in a firefighter's clothes. He holds out a bottle of water, which I accept without a word. Although drinking hurts, it also soothes my throat and washes away the sour taste. I hand it back to him, feeling a little better.

"Can you stand up?"

I nod and push myself to my feet. I close my eyes again, leaning on the tree, but after a few seconds the dizziness recedes.

"Good. We have to get everyone past the creek."

"Him," I say, pointing to him. "Get him out of here."

"We will, but there's only one of me. I'm going to help you, then-"

"_Him, _or I won't move!" I snarl. "I can _walk, _he can't!"

"Dear, he's just trying to help. We have to move out of the way, come now!" Ms. Chaisty pleads, gently steering me away from the tree, facing me away from the fire.

"Hey! I don't need guiding!" I wrench myself out of her grasp, turning away. I glare at her and go to move by myself, but then my eyes fall on the orphanage.

And lets just say the firemen are a little too late.

I stare, gaping at the crumbling building I call home. The flames have already consumed over half the building, and there's no way the firefighters can save shit now. They can stop the fire, but the building… it's falling apart before my eyes.

My fists clench and I wrench my eyes off the sight. I turn to towards the stream. "Come on," I growl, starting to walk towards the water. The fireman walks beside me, carrying Matt. Looking at the unconscious body of my best friend only makes me angrier. I wish I had chocolate… I reach into my pocket and pulled out the melted sweet, not caring about its consistency. I rip off part of the wrapper and lick the creamy liquid off of it. _Damn fire melting my chocolate. My whole stash is going up in flames. _

Walking causes my head to swim a bit, but I ignore it as I trudge down the slope and through the water.

"Mello! Matt!" Our names fill the air as the surrounding little huddles of people are alerted of our presence.

"Thank goodness!" Mr. Angelo mutters to another teacher whose face is shrouded in darkness.

"Matt?"

"Is he okay?"

"What happened to those two? They're covered in black!" I shoot death glares at anyone who says something as we walk by. Ms. Chaisty is handed a torch and we join the group of people in need of medical assistance. There's only a few people with minor burns, mostly people are just coughing and having other symptoms of smoke inhalation, but hardly anyone seems as bad as Matt.

A few firefighters are walking around, and the paramedics have lit up the night with more torches. Ms. Chaisty gently pushes me down onto a rock and the fireman lays Matt down on a white tarp that several other children are laying on. I am handed water again, but I don't drink any more.

"What are you waiting for? Help him!" I snap, pointing to Matt. A paramedic comes over with a first aid kit and props my friend up.

"What happened to him?"

"We were on our way out of the building" I cough. "-And he started freaking out I think." Cough. "He inhaled a bunch of smoke and then blacked out when he came out." Cough cough. I clear my throat, trying to stop the racking coughs.

"Why don't you drink something?"

"Not until he wakes up!" The light-haired lady sighs and turns back to Matt. The young woman's waist is so thin she can't have a drop of fat anywhere. She has a tired look about her, despite her skinny flawlessness. She examines Matt carefully, and then sits back.

"Well?"

"I don't know. He obviously fainted from smoke inhalation, and his panicking wouldn't do anything to help. Do you know why he panicked?"

I shake my head once, trying to stifle yet another hacking cough. "When he heard the word "fire" he just sort of froze up."

"Some people do that. He could have a very strong fear of fire," she says thoughtfully. "It's some phobia. How strong did his panic seem?"

"If I wasn't there… I don't think he would've managed to get out. He probably… Probably would have passed out in the building." She nods. I cough again.

"Well, your friend should be okay. He seems to be regaining consciousness." She picks up the bottle from the ground. "Please drink." She's right, Matt is stirring, so I snatch the water from her hands and very pointedly swallow a few mouthfuls.

Matt's eyes open, and he blinks as if trying to clear his vision. I set the water aside, not caring when it rolls away.

"Matt?" I slide off the stone and kneel next to him. He slowly props himself up on his elbow, rubbing his head with his free hand.

"M-Mello?" his voice is faint and sounds like he just ate a bunch of sand. The woman hands him water, which he stares at for a few seconds before accepting.

"Yeah. Are you okay?"

"Um. My head hurts. And so does my throat… The fire!" he sits up suddenly, eyes huge. But he moved to fast and now looks like he's about to be sick.

"Whoa! Hun, relax. We're past the creek now, you're fine," she murmurs, gently helping him lean against the rock. "The fire's being put out."

"Matt, what happened? You started freaking out and-" I'm cut off when he shakes his head, grimacing.

"Later."

"O…kay." _Why is he like this? _

"What's going to h-happen… to the orphanage?" I follow his hollow gaze to the blazing building. The flames are diminishing under the stream of water from the hoses, but it's obvious that most of the building is burnt beyond repair.

"Dunno." I mutter. The woman hands us both a pill.

"This will help." I swallow it down with another swig of water. The woman helps Matt before moving on to another child.

"I'm sorry."

"Huh?" I look at Matt questioningly. He looks exhausted and furious with himself.

"I panicked. I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault," I grumble. "I was scared we weren't going to get out too." I can tell that surprises him.

"Still…" He pulls his knees up to his chest and looks at the ground. "I can't believe it happened again." He obviously didn't think I would hear this, but I do.

"What happened again? Matt, what are you talking about?"

He sighs. "Fire. I'm pyrophobic- afraid of fire."

"But the candles didn't scare you during the power outage last month."

"I can blow those out."

"Oh." I rest my chin in my hand and watch Matt. His eyes are downcast; he looks miserable and has a kind of haunted look about him. I almost don't want to ask.

"Matt, why are you so afraid of fire?" Damn, I knew it was a bad idea. He flinches violently and looks away. But after a long moment, he answers.

"That's why I'm here" is all he says. I feel my face soften, because most everyone's past here is a minefield of a subject. I can't think of anything to say but,

"Oh… Sorry."

"It's fine." I reach into my other pocket and pull out his Gameboy, which miraculously survived.

"Here." I hand it to him, and a small, surprised smile curves his mouth.

"I'm surprised that survived. Thanks." He pockets it and rests his head back against the cold rock. "I'm tired…"

"Yeah," I murmur. "I wonder what time it is. It has to have been at least a half hour since we got out of the building, and it was about… nine?" he shrugs. We sit in silence, forlornly watching as the last of the flames are slowly extinguished. The cool air presses against us, making me shiver despite the fact that I can still feel the blazing heat on my skin. The smell of smoke clings to my hair and clothes, making it so I can't escape the sour stench. I lean back on the rock next to Matt, but I can't relax. Not now.

"Hey Mello?"

"What?"

"Thanks for not leaving me behind. I know I wasn't being particularly helpful. Or quick, for that matter." I stare at him with his eyes closed, absolutely dumbfounded.

"You think I'd _leave you? _God, are you an idiot or what!" Matt opens his eyes and looks at me in disbelief.

"I think you would, Mello. I may be your friend, but you-"

"Matt!" I snap, glaring in his face. "I wouldn't leave you behind." He still doesn't believe me. _Does he really think I'm so cold and ambitious that I'd abandon my only friend? _I sigh at the disbelief in his eyes and return to my previous position. "I need someone to give me my chocolate when I freak out, don't I?" I'm not even looking at him, but I know that a smile is working its way on his face. He knows that what I just said means more that it seems.

"Besides," I mutter, too quiet for him to hear, "I don't want to loose you."

I feel weight on my side, and I realize Matt is leaning against me. I don't push him away, because it's actually comforting. I did just escape a burning building and watch my home crumble to ashes in less than thirty minuets.

"I don't want to loose you either, Mello."

Those words send a current through me; feeling almost like it's warming me from the inside. I lower my head to murmur in his ear, "It's Mihael. Mihael Keehl." _I just told him my real name. That's something no one else here knows. If he wanted too, he could use that to kill me. But I trust Matt…._

"Mail Jeevas," Matt whispers back. I nod, and he adds, "If someone I_ didn't know_ and never seen before told me that horses can fly, or something ridiculous like that, and then said my real name, I think I'd believe them, even if they were pointing a gun at me." He's obviously not serious, but I get the point. Only use our names when it's important, and tell no one.

"Yeah." I glance around to make sure no one heard us, but we go unnoticed in the shadows. _I trust Matt. He won't tell anyone, and neither will I. _

"Mello?"

"Hmm?"

"Where do you think we're going to go now?" He doesn't sound too worried, just curious. But there is an undertone to his voice, one that hints at the fear he is hiding.

"I dunno. But we're sticking together, no matter what."

"You do need your "drugs," don't you?" he jokes.

"Humph." My lip curls into a small scowl, but I notice that the hints of nervousness in his tone have diminished noticeably.

"That's what I thought."

**Light POV**

"Your possible successors? What do you mean?" Ryuzaki's sudden jumping out of his chair and shouting was almost like another person had taken over the quiet, somewhat creepy in a cute way- _Damn it. Not again. That's not even realistic. _– detective that I know. Needless to say, I was quite surprised. Just moments before he was storming into his cellphone about a burned down building, and now he's perfectly calm again.

"Yes. I might as well give you all the details now." He crouches back in his chair. "When I was young, it was Watari who brought me to a place called Wammy's House. It was an orphanage and a school for gifted children, but the main goal, however, was to find the world's next greatest detective. Watari was the head of the place at the time, and he realized that I…" he pauses to pluck a cherry from the bowl by his keyboard and put it in his mouth. "That I had intelligence above those who also lived there at the time. So he encouraged me to move on to more and more advanced levels of study until..." he takes another cherry, and holds it in font of his face, staring at it intently. "I became a detective.

"Now the orphanage is under the head of a man named Roger. The goal is the same, and there are currently three children who are competing for the position as "L" when I die. Those three children are named Near, Mello, and Matt. The last time I visited the orphanage, also the first time I saw Matt, was just before I came to Japan. And now it seems that a kitchen fire has burned the whole place down…" For once, I can hear emotion in his voice. He sounds frustrated and slightly upset, and I assume that if I can hear in his voice and see in his eyes just traces of these emotions that he is really very thrown off by this.

"I'm sorry," I sympathize, although I know that it is pointless to say such trivial things.

"Don't be. The building will probably be rebuilt within… four to six months, and the children will return. Watari and Roger will find accommodations for them all, and Near, Mello, and Matt are coming here with us. I suppose they'll be doing far less studying…" and amused look flashes across his face. "Ah, no, of course not. They'd do that on their own time anyway, especially Near and Mello. Matt couldn't care less…" Suddenly, he smiles. Not a creepy little I-know-exactly-what-you're-doing-and-I-can-use-it smile, but a real smile expressing happiness.

"I miss them. It will be nice to have them here," he declares.

I smile a little back, genuinely happy to see his apparent delight. _I wish he would smile like that more_. _He looks so much more human, like someone you could actually talk to. I wish he'd smile like that with me. _That thought brings blood to my face, and I snap my eyes down and away from Ryuzaki. I really hope he can't hear my heart beating a little too fast.

I've recently given up all hope of pushing L away. He may be the world's best detective and I may be his number one mass-murderer suspect, but obviously repeating that a thousand times hasn't done me any good. I wish the "friends" thing wasn't a lie, and I guess I wish that we were more than friends. But that will never happen, and it's bad to think that way. For one, it wouldn't work for a countless number of reasons, and for two, I'm not homosexual. Well, I don't think I am. I don't think anyone, especially my family, would be very happy to discover that athletic, perfect, honor-student Light Yagami is possibly gay.

Not that I can control that.

"Light-kun?"

I automatically lift my head, cursing the fact that I am still blushing. "Yes?"

L leans forward. "Are you alright?"

"Oh, yeah."

"Good." The tip of his index finger presses against his mouth, and his eyes are thoughtful.

"Light-kun, do you think the whole "friends" idea is still a charade?" I stare at him stunned, but he's turned back to his computer. It's almost like he read my mind.

I don't really think about the next words that leave my mouth before I say them. "I don't know… I don't want it to be." The blush comes back, harder, and I focus on my screen, watching L out of the corner of my eye. I can't discern any distinct emotion, though.

"I agree."

Somehow that makes me very happy.

**Okay, this chapter is long for me. Usually I don't put this much in one chapter, but I had so much to write! And I have more! **


	10. Chapter 10

**BTW the time Roger called in Winchester was about five-six AM, so it was about one-two PM in Japan. Roughly. So yes, they will arrive "tomorrow", roughly. Just thought I should mention that.**

**If there are flaws in my math then ignore them –.- I'm a writer for a reason, not a mathematician.**

**Oh, and am I the only one who realized how many times Light says I understand (in the anime, at least. Haven't read the manga)? I realize I haven't even put that once in my story! Yes, I'm obsessing over little things like that. I don't want to go all OOC! **

**Near POV**

"Near, please follow me," Roger requests. I can hear the despondency in his drained voice. I know he is devastated at the destruction of the orphanage; it is as much his home as it is the children's, and he must feel guilty for doing this to the place Watari built and entrusted to him.

"Of course." I stand up from my position on the grass and follow the old man. The wet grass soaks my socks, and the coldness causes me discomfort. The sky is starting to light up with the hazy light of day. We sat here all night practically, watching the building burn. The chaos that ensued was absurd; if people would just remain calm, everything would be so much easier. Of course, it is human nature to panic and flee when danger arises.

"May I ask where we are going?"

"We are going to meet up with Mello and Matt. From there we will go to a hotel to clean you three up. Arrangements have already been made- tonight at nine you three will be departing for Japan."

"Japan? Will we be staying with L?" The possibility excites me; a chance to watch L in action and gain his favor as well as possibly join in on the task he is focusing on, which I believe to be the Kira case.

"Yes. I called him just a little while ago. You three will arrive in Japan in roughly a day and three quarters."

"Do Matt and Mello know yet?"

"Yes."

"I see." The firemen and women are still milling about, collecting people into groups and arranging where everyone will go. As we tread up the slope, heading away from the creek, I catch sight of Mello and Matt. They look exhausted, covered in soot and their hair singed. The story of how they "just barely escaped the building before it collapsed on them, Mello carrying an unconscious Matt heroically through the doors" is obviously an overly exaggerated rumor, but it appears as though they really did face some trouble escaping the building.

"Are you two ready?"

Matt nods, shutting his Gameboy, and Mello snaps off a piece of warped chocolate that must have melted and re-hardened.

"I can't believe my X-Box burned up," Matt grumbles, his voice rough.

"Hey, I just have this one chocolate bar to last me hours, so don't you complain," Mello retorts with equal irritability.

Matt smiles wryly. "That's what _you_ think," he practically crows, pulling out another two candy bars and waving them in front of my competition. He snatches them out of Matt's hands and scowls.

"You're welcome."

"Shut your face Matt."

"Someone's grumpy on no sleep," he sniggers. It is actually quite interesting to watch the two of them. Matt can say almost anything he wants, but Mello wont touch him, despite the fact that the temperamental blonde would usually punch someone just for standing too close to him.

"You're tired too."

"Yeah, blacking out isn't too good for the soul." There are slight shadows under his eyes and he looks very disheveled, but Matt seems to have retained his dry sense of humor. I listen to them as we walk across the grounds, fiddling with my transformer. I have my L, Mello, Near, and Matt dolls in my pocket. I am wise to always keep them on me. I like to have them available.

Mello, however, looks even more fierce than usual. The shadows under his eyes are far more pronounced, and he yawns every so often. If it wasn't for the caffeine in his chocolate, I wonder what stare he'd be in.

"Well, Mels, this is what happens when you don't sleep more than four hours over three nights in a row."

"I was studying! I have to beat the _sheep _back there, the one who plays with dolls." Mello jerks his head back in my general direction.

"That sheep who plays with dolls is also known as Near, and he is currently ahead of you in most everything, including keeping his emotions in check," I say softly, knowing my words will reach Mello's ears.

"What's that, you little-"

Roger puts a hand on Mello's shoulder. "Mello, Near, please. Both of you are tired and frustrated. Please don't take it out on each other."

Mello twists out of Roger's grip, snarling. The old man sighs and continues walking. Mello follows him reluctantly. Matt gives me a look I can't really decipher, and continues. He turns on his game and starts playing, muttering about how he's lucky he carries a portable charger with him.

Mello is still fuming, and we're over halfway across the grass when he whirls around and swings a fist at me. Unfortunately, I was still walking, and I didn't have time to fully duck, so his fist clunks the side of my head. It hurts, and a hand automatically flies up to the spot of dull pain. Mello jeers with sick satisfaction.

"Cross me again and I'll make sure to land on my target, even if I have to get you in your sleep!"

I cluck my tongue with disapproval, purposely jabbing at his pride. I remove my hand from the side of my head, ignoring the pain. Mello scowls, re-clenching his fist, looking ready to attack me again.

"Mels, don't. Come on," Matt calls from ahead, not even looking up from his game. "He's ready for you, you won't even make contact this time."

Mello knows he's right, so he just growls furiously and continues walking. He is still mad, but he knows that he managed to hurt me, even though it's nothing serious. But then, even Mello wouldn't cheat at things using such unfair methods.

"Near, are you alright?"

"Fine." We walk through the big, iron gate and enter a taxi van. Mello and Matt go to the back, I sit alone in the middle, and Roger sits in the front row with his briefcase. I pull my feet up on the seat and pull the little dolls out of my pocket, keeping them hidden. I put L close to us; we will be seeing him soon.

I look forward to seeing him again. This could be a valuable chance to make myself far superior to Mello.

**L POV**

I am interested to know how much progress the three children have made since my last visit. Roger is chaperoning them here, and will escort them from the airport to the Task Force headquarters. They will arrive at ten to eleven AM. There is a 35% chance that the flight will be delayed.

But the arrival of Mello, Near, and Matt is not all that occupies my mind, because there is a 59% chance that Light is Kira, and a 33% chance that he also has developed feelings for me.

I know this because he has acted quite differently as of late. Light talks to me more, he smiles (_real _smiles) at me more, and he seems to be internally conflicted and tends to blush when our eyes meet or I get close to him (which, due to the chain, happens quite a lot on accident).

Of course, if he does indeed return my feelings, that would be both very good and very bad. Good, because it would make me happy. Much happier than I would like, in all honesty, because the bad part is that this case will not allow for emotions such as this. But I am starting to care less and less about that.

And Light was telling the truth when he said he actually wishes we were friends, as was I.

I don't want to jump to conclusions with such a delicate and risky situation as this, though. I still try to suppress any thoughts of Light, because I don't want to make myself vulnerable in any way, despite the fact I have already partially given into a very vulnerable emotion.

It is currently two AM, and I am not focusing very well on my work. Neither is Light.

"You do realize that you are going to force insomnia on me," he points out sleepily.

"I can't _force _insomnia on you, Light-kun."

"Well, your sleeping patterns are rubbing off on me. Even when you allow us to turn in "early" I can't sleep."

One corner of my mouth lifts into a somewhat satirical smile. "You don't sound like you care very much."

"I will when I go back to school." He pushes his chair away from the desk to stretch. "And I will in the morning."

"Do you want to go up then?"

"No. After all that coffee I had to drink an hour ago, I don't think I'll be able to sleep for a few hours now," he sighs.

"You knew that when you consumed all that caffeine, didn't you?"

"Yes, but you refused to go up _then, _and I rather hate falling asleep down here. I always wake up with a sore neck when I end up drifting off here."

"I don't suppose Miss Amanae does anything to help with that."

He grimaces. "No, she prefers to tug me around and chatter loudly in my ear."

_Yes, you should get rid of that annoying girl. _I want to voice my thoughts, but of course I don't.

Light leans his elbows on the desk. "She's a sweet girl, but she's not much more than a pretty face," he murmurs, and I'm not sure if I was supposed to hear that or not. "She can be sort of helpful sometimes, I guess." To me that sounds exactly like something Kira would say. Kira would definitely use someone such as Misa to his advantage, especially if Misa was the second Kira.

I narrow my eyes thoughtfully, which of course Light notices. "And don't ask me if that sounds like something Kira would say, because I know you think it is," he mutters in an almost matter-of-fact tone. I smile apologetically.

"I do apologize, Light-kun, but you are my most likely Kira suspect."

"I understand, I just…" his voice falters and a light blush appears on his face. He averts his eyes and I find myself wishing he had said what he was thinking.

Light returns to his work, although he doesn't seem to be focusing any better than before, worse, in fact. I try to do the same, but I can stop my mind from wandering over to the very good-looking eighteen-year-old sitting four feet away from me.

_Enough. _

But it _is _hard to keep my eyes off of Light. I want to pull him into my arms and-

_Enough!_

I haven't actually experienced strong emotions like this before. I hate then at the same time that I feed off of them.

_I should really be finishing up the last-minute preparations for Near, Matt, and Mello's arrival tomorrow. _

I stand up suddenly, causing Light to jump.

"Ryuzaki?"

"Sorry, Light-kun, I just want some more strawberries," I gesture to the empty bowl.

"It took you a while to notice they were gone," Light observes.

I tilt my head ever so slightly in acknowledgement. What Light doesn't realize is that this lets me know that he was watching me. An odd slip-up for him.

There is now a 60% that he is Kira, and a 35% chance that Light has fallen for me.

. . .

It is three-thirty in the morning when we finally go up to our room. I release Light from the chain to change. He sits on the bed and unbuttons his shirt. I scowl at myself when I realize I'm watching him as he pulls the white fabric off. It's frustrating, and I don't like to be frustrated. I like to be in control of any situation. I like to know exactly what I'm feeling.

Light sighs. "I'm tired, but I'm not going to be able to sleep."

"What makes you say that?" I ask as I settle with my laptop.

He yawns. "My mind is buzzing," he says simply, propping up a pillow and taking a stack of papers from the bedside table. He starts reading through them, occasionally making marks with a pen.

"What are you doing?"

"Reading through all the people who have died recently. I'm checking to see if I can find any thing unusual of our current Kira."

"I see." We sit in silence, the only sound the clicking of the keyboard and the occasional rustle of papers.

After about forty-five minuets, Light starts to drift off. His head rests in his left hand, pressing against his knee. I feel myself getting sleepy; I haven't slept in about one hundred fifty hours, and the longest I have gone is about one hundred seventy-four hours, and after that I slept for seventeen hours. It would be a bad idea to repeat that now, so I turn off my computer and pull the blanket over me.

"It's cold…" Light mumbles, setting the list aside.

"We still need to get the heater fixed."

"Hmm." Light turns off the light and rolls on his side as usual, facing me. His eyes follow me for a moment before they close. I curl up in the dark, slightly surprised by how quickly sleep starts to overtake me.

**Light POV**

I wake up to a small noise, L's voice. My eyes open slowly, adjusting to the pale light that is just starting to invade the room. _What was that? I'm almost sure I heard something… _

I lift my head and feel annoyance and embarrassment flood through me. Once again, I moved in my sleep so I am far closer to Ryuzaki that I should be. Last time he didn't seem to mind, but I don't know how he'd react to a second time. _Damn cold weather. If he woke up and noticed me he'd probably think I did it on purpose. _

I don't want to move, though. For one thing, it's cold, and for another, I like being close to L.

_I really should stop throwing reality to the wind. I need to stop loosing my focus to go after _him_. I've _said_ it before and I'll say it again, it is pointless and not something I should be feeling. _I snap at myself.

But I doubt I can help it at this point.

_Of course I can. I have no doubt in my reasoning, I should be able to just push these feelings away!_

But I can't.

Ryuzaki twitches and I move away from him, careful not to wake him. His mouth moves every so slightly, and he breathes, "…not you."

I blink, not sure if I heard him right, despite the fact it is dead quiet of early morning.

"Why _you?" _he mumbles, curling into himself. "Why are _you... _Kira…" I stiffen. I'm not sure I want to find out whom he's talking about, but I don't move to rouse him from his obvious nightmare. His voice sounds wretched, and yet like he expected exactly whatever he's dreaming about.

"Light…" the word is no more than a breath, but at the sound of my name I decide I don't want to hear anymore. If he's going to accuse me in his waking moments, I don't need him accusing me in his sleep. And something about his tone almost makes it seem like he doesn't want to think I'm Kira… _No, of course he does. Just wake him up._

"Ryuzaki," I reach over and shake his shoulder. His eyes fly open and he blinks a few times, looking confused, before sitting up.

"Light-kun?"

"You were talking in your sleep, and it sounded like you were having a bad dream, so I woke you."

"Oh, thank you." He checks the time. "It's time to get up anyway." I nod, and push the covers off of me. I can hear the birds chirping through the window now, and the sun is starting to rise. As I pull out my clothes, I can't help but wonder exactly what Ryuzaki was dreaming about.


	11. Chapter 11

**Matt got all of, what, something like twelve panels in the manga and even less in the anime? And yet he's a main character of so many stories, including this one. How interesting.**

**Matt POV**

I am so tempted to lie down on the big white bed in the hotel room, but I know I can't, because if I do it will be harder to wake up when it's time to leave. Besides, Mello's almost done with his shower. I feel awful for panicking. I know I can't necessarily _help _it, but I feel like I really made it difficult for Mello.

And yet he trusted me with his real name afterwards, and told me that he didn't want to lose me. I believe him. I trust Mello. Hell, I love him, but that will only lead to disappointment and the loss of my one friend. So I have to try and ignore all that.

My Gameboy is plugged into the wall, and I want to charge it before the flight, so I have nothing to do now. Thank God that I always keep a little charger with me. Battery life cannot get in the way of my gaming.

"Matt, your turn," Mello informs me as he steps (shirtless, damn it) out of the bathroom, drying his hair off with a fluffy white towel. I stand.

"Thanks." I slip into the steamy bathroom, very carefully avoiding looking at Mello. It's hard not to appreciate his slender form. I shut and lock the door, and pull my tattered shirt off. Roger has already found us clothes, suitable enough to our personal preference. My new striped shirt is nearly identical to my tattered original.

The hot water seems to melt away the last of the anxiety from the fire. My stress washes away with the black soot and shampoo bubbles. Running my fingers through my hair, I find that a chunk in the back is noticeably shorter. The tips must have been singed off.

_Oh well. At least it's my hair and not my arm. _

I shut off the water and quickly dry off. When I open the door, the cool air blows over me like a gust of wind. I shiver and rub my hair with a towel, not at all liking the cold water dripping on my neck.

Mello sits on the bed, happily eyeing the small stack of chocolate bars Roger had brought up. I smirk.

"Looks like you've found your fix."

"Yup." Mello yawns. "I want to sleep…" he mutters, looking wistfully at the puffy pillows at the head of the bed.

"Tell me about it. If I lie down on the _floor _I think I'll be out like a light." I hang my towel on the bathroom hook to dry.

"So how long do we have?" I glance at the time.

"Well at noon we're getting lunch…" It's nine AM now.

"So we have time to sleep?" Mello suggests hopefully.

"I wish. Roger wants us to meet him in room 212, as soon as we can."

"Ugh, _Near _will be there. What does he need us for?"

"He's going to tell us something. We should go." Mello throws one last regretful look at the bed and picks up his candy. I unplug my Gameboy and follow him out the door. We walk down the hall to the end of it, a suite. Mello raps loudly on the door until it opens. Roger steps aside to let us in the room.

The suite is really nice, and big. There's a kitchenette and a short hallway that leads to an untouched bedroom. Near sits on the couch, pale as ever, playing with a Transformer. Mello sits on the farthest end away from Near, and I next to him. Roger sits across from us, a somewhat grave look on his face.

After a moment of silence, Mello sighs irritably. "Whatever you're going to tell us, get it over with. I want to sleep if I can."

"Please, you three need to take what I'm going to tell you very seriously." The old man adjusts his glasses and folds his hands in his lap. "As you know, you are going to stay with L in Japan until the orphanage is rebuilt, possibly five to six months from now. You will continue your studies as usual, the only difference is that… Well, there are certain drawbacks to staying with L."

"He is working on the Kira case as of now, isn't he?" Near says this as if he already knows and is just asking out of politeness.

Roger nods. "This is possibly the most dangerous case the world has ever been confronted with; I'm sure you all know about the mysterious killings. Well, L has informed me that it is risky to send you three to japan. But Watari, L, and I all believe it is the best course of action. I am just warning you three to be careful, and to stay out of everything to do with the case."

_Right. All three of us are now going to be doing some serious undercover work on this case. Especially Mello. Near already probably knows more than Roger does. _I can see my thoughts echoed in Mello's scathing glare at Near.

"Of course, Roger," Near agrees. He can be such a suck-up sometimes.

I can see in Mello's fiery expression that we will definitely_ not _be sleeping while we have access to Roger's laptop. We're going to be doing research.

. . .

Never, ever again am I going to go through the long lines of an airport on zero energy. As Mello and me stumble through security, I really wish Mello had put off his Kira research until we reach Japan. He's not the only one to blame, of course, because I'm interested in the whole Kira thing too. But I need sleep.

Near apparently doesn't. He seems fine, and I'm almost sure he didn't sleep last night or today. Obviously he is nothing compared to professional insomniac L, though.

Mello almost had to toss his chocolate, but luckily Roger managed to convince the security officials to allow it through. It is his only luggage, after all. They should be happy.

When we finally board the plane, I'm not sure I'm even tired anymore. Somehow my body managed to scrape up enough energy for me to spend on getting to the plane. It's dark outside, and inside the plane is a hectic mess. I've flown once before, and it's honestly nothing special. I could probably fly the thing.

Mello glares at anyone who he catches looking at him, and the expressions of the people who happen to look at him for more than three seconds are quite funny. Mello does tend to appear a bit unique. The hilarious thing is that I notice both girls and boys our age, obviously finding him attractive, try to figure out exactly what gender he is. Mello looks like a guy, but the hair and slim physique sometimes throws people off.

Of course this also annoys me. I don't want people looking at Mello like that.

I'm glad we have the very back row, especially since the bathrooms are in the front of the plane, so no one will come back here and bother us. Mello sits in by the window seat and leans against the wall. I fasten my seatbelt, and glance to my right. Near and Roger are in the isle across from us. Near is busy toying with his doll as usual. I wish I could turn my Gameboy on, but I can't until we take off. Stupid airline regulations.

The captain's voice comes over the intercom, and I stare sleepily at a magazine. The plane starts moving, and I stuff it back in the pocket. My eyes are getting heavy; airplane seats can be quite comfy, actually.

By the time we take off both of us are out.

**Light POV**

I check my watch; it's seven. Ryuzaki has already called every member of the Task Force, telling them about the three boys coming today, as well as told them not to come until tomorrow.

I try, and fail miserably, to stifle a yawn. It's not my fault I only got about two hours of sleep last night.

Ryuzaki and I are setting up the rooms for the three boys coming.

"Matt and Mello can share a room, but Near gets his own."

"Why?" I ask.

"That's how it is -was- at the orphanage."

"Oh." L sure planned ahead when he had this building constructed; there are three extra rooms on the same floor, two with two twin beds and one with a queen.

"Is there anything else we need to do?"

"No, I think we should be good." He looks around thoughtfully. "Light-kun, do we have chocolate in the kitchen?"

"What? Yes, we always do."

"Okay, remind me to buy some more."

I stare at him incredulously, because we have at least ten bars of the stuff, and hardly anyone ever eats it. "Why? We have plenty."

Ryuzaki smiles. "Not for long."

"What do you mean?"

"You'll see. Come on, we should go do some work while we still can."

I follow him down the stairs. I pick my list of names up from beside my computer and scan over the names I marked. I didn't quite finish last night.

"Don't start working yet, I want-"

"Let me guess, cake," I interrupt.

"How did you know?" Ryuzaki murmurs sarcastically.

I smirk and go with him to the kitchen.

"What are you going to do now that Watari isn't here to replenish your sweets?" I lean against the wall, letting my arm be tugged around.

"I have my ways," he says simply, pulling out a slice of chocolate cake. We go back to our computers. I return to my list, but L is very distracting.

He crouches in his chair, and I realize that I've gone from finding the position weird and impolite to quite liking it. In fact, I quite like everything about the scruffy detective now. I'm not even sure exactly what I feel, but every time our eyes meet I get the urge to walk over and kiss him.

I'm seriously questioning my logic _and_ my sexual orientation now.

Ryuzaki finishes the last bite of his cake and sets the plate down with a clink. I'm watching him out of the corner of my eye, and suddenly his eyes flick in my direction, meeting mine. I look away and straighten up, trying to ignore the heat on my face and look like I'm working. I risk a look at L and find him looking down at nothing in particular with a strange expression on his face. I can't quite place what it looks like.

I turn my attention back to my work. It isn't long before I let my mind go back to Ryuzaki. I thought I wasn't concentrating well last night, but today is a whole other story.

It doesn't help that I can feel Ryuzaki's eyes burning holes in me. He's probably searching, like usual, for some reason to label me as Kira.

_He doesn't trust you. It's just another reason to forget him. _

And yet… he wants us to be friends. There was honesty in his words when he said that, but does he just want to be friends so he can squeeze a confession out of me?

I check the time. Nine. I wish they would arrive sooner, so I wouldn't have time to dwell on things like this. I sigh and put my list aside. I finished with it a while ago, and now I've just been reading and re-reading the same page for several minuets. I push my chair back and check the time again.

"Light-kun, is something wrong?"

"No. I'm just a little tired."

"That's understandable," Ryuzaki says more to himself than me. I lean my elbow against the desk and face L.

"What are Mello, Matt, and Near like?" I inquire. I am curious to know, and I assume that they will be fairly similar to L.

Ryuzaki's mouth curves. "You'll find out in forty-five minutes."

I roll my eyes. "At least tell me what they _look _like."

Ryuzaki pauses thoughtfully. "Near is pale… I would say he's the most like me of the three. Mello is harder to describe. He-"

"Light!" Misa squeals, waving from the stairs. I force a smile.

"Misa."

"Who are you talking about?" she asks, plopping herself in my lap.

"There are some people that Ryuzaki knows who are staying with us for a while."

She tilts her head. "Who are they? When are they coming?" she crosses her arms and glares at L. "There's not any girls Light's age, _are _there?"

Ryuzaki looks surprised. "No."

Misa beams. "Good. I don't want Light to be taken away by someone else! He's _mine." _She hops up. "Ryuzaki, I need to go shopping but no one's here to take me. Can I please go?"

L looks eager to get rid of her, but I can see his reluctance to let his second suspect go anywhere alone. "I suppose so."

She squeals. "Yay! Okay, Misa-Misa has to go! Bye, Light!"

"Bye Misa." As soon as she leaves, I smirk at L.

"You couldn't be more eager to get her to leave."

"Neither could you," he points out, still looking at his computer.

"True." I return to my earlier position. "What were you saying about Mello?"

"Mm, Mello. Be careful of him, he has a lovely temper. And Matt is like his accomplice, almost. He is the only person to ever befriend Mello."

He makes Mello, whoever he is, sound like a bomb on countdown, and Matt some mystical character from an anime Sayu would watch.

After a few minutes, L gets up to get more cake. As we walk to the kitchen, my phone goes off. I sigh at the caller ID; it's Misa.

"Hello?"

"Light! I called to say hi! Also, I'm getting this really cute dress, but I don't know what color to get it in. do I look better in black or pink?"

"You look fine in either, Misa."

"Okay, I'll get both! Bye Light," the call ends and I flip my phone shut. I put it on silent and pocket it. Its then that I realize Ryuzaki still hasn't gotten any more cake, he's just watching me with the same strange expression on his face as before.

"What?" I ask, again wishing he'd stop staring at me. It doesn't make things much easier for me. I'm surprised when color appears on his cheeks and he looks away. I step closer to him, not dropping my gaze.

"Sometimes I really wish I could read your mind. Then I'd understand _why _you stare at me like that."

"Like what?" his eyes meet mine, and he steps a little closer.

"Like… Like you still don't trust me, but there's something else that I can't figure out, and that's what annoys me," I admit, not really sure why I'm telling him this.

"I could say the same to you, Light-kun," he takes another step closer. He's closer than he should be, close enough to make me blush and my heart speed up.

"What do you mean?" I ask, my voice low.

His hand gently lifts my chin a fraction of an inch, and his eyes bore into mine. "It's… confusing, Light-kun," he murmurs.

"Ryuzaki, what are you do-" I don't get to finish my sentence, because he chooses that moment to close the distance between us. For a second, I'm numb with shock, and then a million thoughts flood my mind.

_Why is he doing this? He _shouldn't _be doing this. This isn't good… this isn't… _I'm distracted by the taste of his breath, strawberries. The feel of his lips against mine sends what feels like electric currents through me. My thoughts are one giant storm of confusion. I don't want him to pull away, and yet I know that this is a very, very bad idea.

Suddenly, he steps away from me, eyes wide. "Sorry, Light, I don't…" he mumbles, stumbling over his words. I blink, still trying to put my thoughts in order.

L kissed me. I liked it. But I don't understand why he did it. The one part of me that is still thinking realistically keeps telling me that, not only is this not good in any way, but it's likely to be a trap to somehow gain my trust or something of the sort. But the majority of me wants him to kiss me again. In the matter of a few seconds, my mind whirls through a hundred different things.

And I come to a conclusion.

Ryuzaki mutters another apology. "I don't know why… Sorry, Light…" He starts to turn away, but I reach out and catch his wrist. He freezes, and I step close to him.

I smile slightly, and murmur, "It's a good thing you told the others to stay home today."

Ryuzaki turns his head. "Light?"

I pull him around to face me again, and our lips meet. My eyes close and I feel L's hands travel up to my hair, pulling me closer to him. For a few moments, neither of us is thinking.

We break apart to breath. Ryuzaki murmurs, "This is probably a bad idea."

"You act like I don't know that." I pause. "Well, if you don't want to…"

His hands grab my shirt and pull be back to him. "I didn't say that." I smirk and kiss him again.

And then we are interrupted by the sound of the alert, telling us that someone is at the entrance. Ryuzaki blinks and looks through the kitchen doorway at the screen.

"It appears that they have arrived early."

I sigh. "We never get any work done around here." Ryuzaki smirks.

"I think we can fix that. But later. And you should fix your hair… or, no, leave it like that. It suits you." I check my reflection in a black computer screen. My hair is mussed up. I flatten it a bit before the chain forces me to follow Ryuzaki.

At least I'm not so confused any more. Certain arguments inside my head have been settled.

I am homosexual.

I like Ryuzaki.

And Ryuzaki is a good kisser.

**Yay! I had to get them together in this chapter, I was tired of waiting :) **


	12. Chapter 12

**Yes. I realized just before I read the review that I have spelled Misa's last name wrong. Derp. Herp. So many spelling errors, it's killing me! **

**Mello POV**

The Task Force headquarters is an impressive building. I find it hard to believe that L had this built for the purpose of solving _one _case.

I have done my research on the Kira case. I know all the details that are available online, now I just have to figure out the stuff L has kept secret.

Roger leads us through the doors into a hall. At the top of some steps is another door, this one surrounded by what looks like an airport screening machine. Matt is too into his game to look around him, but Near and I both take in our surroundings.

A voice comes over the intercom, obviously filtered through several voice filters. "Hello. Please step through the doors at the top of the stairs." At that moment, the doors open. Near walks through without question, and I follow him, tugging Matt by his arm so he follows me. I'll bet he'd walk off a cliff and still be engrossed in that thing.

Beyond the doors is a big room with a set of stairs at either end, between that a big wall of computers and monitors, and tucked under the right stairs a coffee table and couches. A door to the left is open, and sitting at a computer is the crouched form of L. A young man with brown hair leans over the desk next to him. When I look again, I realize a chain connects them.

"_Damn, _those computers are cool. Can they run Mario Kart?" Matt says into the brief silence. I glare at Matt. He's running his eyes appreciatively over the wall of tech stuff.

"Congratulations, you took his attention off his Gameboy for more that two seconds," I mutter. L turns his chair around, a small smile on his face.

"Hello," he says, in English. The man next to him doesn't say anything, just watches us curiously, and he seems to understand L. "And Matt, please don't try to run any video games on these. I'm sure they'd work, but I'd prefer if you three don't mess with these." He gets up and walks forward, and the brown-haired man follows him. L stops in front of us, and nods to Roger.

"Thank you for escorting them. Has Watari arrived safely?"

"Yes. We managed to replace almost all of their necessities, so they should be fine."

"I'm sure we can get whatever they still need."

Roger nods. "I must be going; I have to get back to England."

"Yes." Roger hands a paper to L and turns to us. "I will see you as soon as possible," he promises before heading out.

L's face changes, now that the formal stuff is over with. "How are you three?" Near pulls himself into L, like always. L smiles again.

I snort, scowling at Near. He's such a suck-up. "Well, it's not like our home has burned down or anything," I say with bitter sarcasm. I regret it; I forgot that the orphanage was L's home too. His small smile melts. Near steps away from the detective.

"Yes… it's most unfortunate. But it will be rebuilt soon… Anyway, this is Light Yagami," he gestures to the brown haired man behind him. Light nods his greeting.

L moves his hand n our vague direction. "Near, Mello, and Matt."

"Hello, it's nice to meet you," Near greets. He's so formal it's infuriating.

"The pleasure is mine." I narrow my eyes at this Light guy. He seems almost _too _perfect in the way he looks and sounds. Like he's a genius and he knows it. And there's something else…

"Why are you two chained together?" Matt asks, not looking up from his game. I'm surprised he even noticed that.

L hesitates. "There is a slight chance that Light-kun is Kira…" I stare at him, my chocolate hovering just in front of my mouth. First of all, L has chained himself to someone he thinks may be Kira, even if that percentage is small. But what really bothers me is what L called him- Light-kun? What?

"L, why-" I begin.

"You must call me Ryuzaki here. Everyone in the Task Force has an alias to use when needed."

I take a bite of chocolate. "Okay, whatever, Ryuzaki. Why have you chained yourself to your Kira suspect? Kira is a _murderer." _

"I am aware of that. I am only five percent sure that Light-kun is Kira. But that is not important at the moment. We should move your stuff to your rooms."

I have to give it to L; he may be throwing his life in a shark tank, but he certainly can set up rooms for three people on very short notice very well. Near gets a room to himself (thank God) and Matt and me share a room, like at the orphanage. He even has a X-Box set up for Matt. And chocolate for me.

I think I like it here.

Well, Light bothers me a bit. He seems like a typical genius (his intelligence became clear almost immediately, it probably rivals L's), but something about him throws me off. It doesn't help that L keeps glancing at him all funny. Both of them seem a little distracted.

And I can't place exactly what his expression is. He's masking it too well.

And the chain bothers me. But not Matt; he's fine admiring their high-tech stuff. I can see that he is itching to hack onto one of the computers and do whatever techie nerds do.

Near is quiet, following us around like a creepy little ghost, occasionally making himself known to ask questions. I just _know _he is creating some little scheme to make me look bad in front of L, or trying to uncover little scraps of information on the Kira case.

We sit on the couches, L telling us what we need to know, when the doors open and a blonde girl walks in with a big shopping bag.

"Light!" she squeals. Oh God, she's like one of the girls from the orphanage. She hurries over and stops when she sees Matt, Near, and I.

"Oh, they came! Aren't you all cute!" She plops herself next to Light, who looks like he wants nothing more that to tell her to go out again.

"This is Misa Amane," he says halfheartedly.

"Yup!" she winks. "Misa-Misa, the model!"

"I've heard of you," Matt mutters. "You were all over the internet a little while ago."

Misa is pretty, sure, but she might even be _more _annoying than the girls from the orphanage.

"So who are you?" she asks.

"Near. Pleased to meet you, Miss Amane."

"Ohh, you're just like L- Ryuzaki!"

"Matt's me. The chocolate addict is Mello," Matt explains, still not looking up. I scowl. "And watch his temper," he adds teasingly. I snarl.

"Shut up, Matt!"

He smirks. "I told you."

"Just shut up."

"If you say so."

Misa laughs. "You should cut your hair, Mello." I snarl at her. " And you two bicker like a married couple!" The sound of clicking buttons stops, and both Matt and me stare at her, blushing furiously.

"Like _hell _we do," I snap. "I thought I might be able to get away from all the annoying girls, but apparently not."

L and Light stifle laughs, and Near suppresses an amused smile. _Near can smile? _Miss pouts.

"You're so mean!" She sticks herself to Light, hugging his arm. "Oh well, that doesn't matter. I have _Light _to be nice to me!"

It's obvious now, that this is a totally one-sided relationship. Light does a good gob of covering up his annoyance, but he obviously doesn't hold any affection for Misa.

I don't blame him, even if he does bother me. Anyone who suggests Matt and me as a couple is mentally impaired. We are obviously _just friends. _

_But if I have no reason to be embarrassed about something like that -it was just a stupid joke on her part, wasn't it- then why am I? Why should I care? _

. . .

"Ugh, I want to get on one of those so bad," Matt complains. "It's got to have so much data on there! Think of all the stuff I could find out…"

"Just sneak on one tonight."

"There are cameras down there. There are cameras all over the place, including one outside our door. Besides, 'Ryuzaki' and Light will be down there practically all night. You know L," he points out.

"Oh." I look over at him. His Gameboy is charging, so he's playing on the X-Box now. "What do you think of that Light guy?"

"I think that he doesn't like his girlfriend very much."

I roll my eyes. "That's obvious. No, I mean do you trust him?"

"I dunno. L seems to."

"What do you mean? L -Ruzaki, whatever- _suspects _him!"

"Yeah, but I get the feeling that there's something else there."

I play with a corner of the wrapper on my chocolate. "I thought so too. What do you think it is?"

Matt pauses for so long that I wonder if he even heard me. "I'm not sure… I almost think they're together."

I gawk at him, because the idea is so ridiculous. "What? How could you suggest that? For one, L doesn't let emotions like that get in the way of things, and that's just… Light has a girlfriend!" I splutter.

Matt hesitates again. "Well, Light doesn't like Misa. And they both seemed kind of distracted, and they kept glancing at each other. I don't know… I guess I'm jumping to half-baked conclusions." I nod.

"Yeah, you are. I'm pretty sure that's _so _not what's going on. L is L, he wants to watch Light as well as he can, and Light is probably the same way."

"Yeah, I'll bet you're right."

"I am." _But I can see where he got this… _No. _L is not like that. Unless he was using this to get close to Light… I just don't want to think that L would fall in love with someone he suspects of being a murderer. That would get in the way of everything. _

I look over at Matt. He's been scrolling through the same thing on his game for a while now, so he's obviously distracted. _He didn't seem to care about the idea of L and Light being "together"… Well, Matt is weird. _

I decide to just push what Matt said to the back of my mind. It's not important now.

I have work to do.

**Near POV**

Matt and Mello have some very interesting conversations. I listen in from outside the door, which I'm sure L sees on the camera. Not that he'll care.

The idea of L becoming infatuated with a suspect is absurd, I certainly agree with Mello there. But I also observed the looks the two of them exchanged and their slightly distracted demeanor. Logically it would have something to do with the case. It must.

I have come to the same conclusions about Light and Miss Amane's relationship. It is very one-sided, and I can only think that someone of Light's intelligence would use Misa to his or her advantage.

Misa Amane is nothing more than a bubbly model. Her head is filled with air; she has minimal intelligence at best. She actually amused me, more because of Matt and Mello's flustered reactions.

Both of the boys were plainly embarrassed, but it was apparent, to me at least, for different reasons. I am 90% sure that Matt is attracted to Mello. I am still unsure how strong his attraction may be. Misa's joke obviously struck a nerve with Mello, but Matt seemed to be less angered and more defensive than the blonde. Of course, that is judging on expression alone.

I look up at the camera that faces their door. I have spotted three hundred twenty cameras in the building so far, and I've probably missed a few cleverly placed to prevent blind spots. I am probably being watched by L, or possibly Light, as I crouch outside of Mello and Matt's door. I do not care. It is all part of the competition of who can be L's equivalent. If Mello had the patience, he could be at my level. If Mello could keep his emotions in control, he could catch up to me. But he never will.

Matt has no interest in being L. His is not as openly emotional as Mello, but is far too distracted and lazy to take something like this seriously. He would rather stare at his video games all day, taking breaks just to follow Mello around. I have watched him closely, ever since his intellectual abilities became apparent, and I have deemed him as a minimal setback at the most.

His apparent infatuation with Mello interests me greatly, to be perfectly honest. I think I can use his emotions to my advantage at some point, but I can't until I am sure of his attraction. Although it is nearly a 100% chance.

Matt humors Mello. He can tease him and be close to him without being hurt, but Mello is oblivious to how he treats him. He is lucky to have someone who would do anything he asked him to. Mello could use Matt to his advantage, it may be cruel to take advantage of emotions like that, but Matt has brought it on himself for allowing him self to care for Mello. I would not be likely to do such a thing, but I wouldn't put it past Mello.

I stand up from my spot by the door and start walking towards the stairs. I want to look around. I decide to head up as far as I can go, and I end up on the roof.

The city expands below me, and the wind blows my hair around wildly. I walk to the middle of the flat area, looking up at the dark grey clouds. The wind chills my skin, and a low rumble of distant thunder rolls across the sky. I curl my hair around my finger, watching as the first drop of rain splatters on the ground before me. The rain picks up slowly, blowing in my face.

"And my shoot with Ryuga is in three days! Oh, is it raining?" Misa's voice comes from the entrance.

"Yeah… Near, right?" Light asks. I look back over my shoulder. Misa's hand rests in Lights, and L stands behind them, carrying a plate of cake.

I nod.

"Hi, Near!" Misa squeals, dragging Light and L out into the rain.

"What are you doing out here, Near?" Light asks politely.

I shrug. "I wanted to know what was up here."

"Isn't it pretty?" Misa titters, despite the dark clouds that hang ominously overhead.

"I suppose."

L stands in the back, still absorbed in his cake. He occasionally glances at Light and Misa. Misa winces suddenly, cringing into Light.

"A raindrop just fell in my eye!"

"It looks like it's starting to come down harder, we should go in," Light suggests, looking up at the sky. Lightning flashes and thunder rumbles, closer now.

"Eek!" Misa gasps, pulling Light back. "Let's go in, I don't like thunder!" I inwardly roll my eyes at her childishness.

"It's just a noise caused my air being heated by lighting to tremendous temperatures, causing the surrounding air to expand and contract around the partial vacuüm. The vibrations of the air cause the rumble you hear," I inform her in a monotone. She stares at me, blankly. Obviously she is incapable of processing even simple occurrences such as thunder and lightning.

She smiles. "Okay, whatever you say!" I sigh. At least the girls at Wammy's have intelligence. That makes them tolerable. When I was the object of their little "game", I was able to learn a lot about what goes on in their heads.

I follow them into the building. My hair is damp from the rain, but I don't care. I go down to the ground floor with them.

"Hello, Father. What are you doing here?" Light asks a middle-aged man who is sorting through some papers at the computers.

"Light. I was dropping off the report." His eyes fall on me. "Ah, you must be one of the boys from the orphanage. I am Deputy Director Yagami." He nods his head in greeting.

"Near."

"Light, Sayu and your mother send their greetings. They miss you and hope to see you soon…" he glances at L. "But they understand you are unavailable."

Light nods. "Of course. Please tell them I miss them too." It does not sound to me like Light misses his family at all. It's almost like he is putting up a fake mask.

_I wonder who Light Yagami really is. What is the whole story behind him?_

**L POV**

I did not expect Light to respond to my advances on him the way he did. I expected him to demand to be unchained from me, to go home. I would have let him.

I also do not know what I was thinking. I acted without analyzing my thoughts, I did not even realize what I was doing until I had already done it. I didn't realize I was going to let my emotions take control until they had.

I didn't think I was going to be kissing Light today.

Even the arrival of the boys could not fully distract me from my happiness and my distress.

I am beyond happy that Light did not reject me. He was not perfect Light Yagami at that moment, he was Light-kun. The real Light. But for all I know, he could be using me. He could be using this to try and get my name, or to escape capture for being Kira, if he is. And he could very well be thinking the same thing.

Reality is harsh. Reality says that I cannot kiss a Kira suspect. I cannot fall in _love _with Light. But emotions are not realistic, nor logical. But the world does not care about that. The world says that reality is king, that there are only two categories: right and wrong. And anything between Light and I is wrong, wrong, _wrong. _

Needless to say I am quite distracted as we lead Near, Mello, and Matt through the building, giving them a run-down of what they need to know. I can already see the gears ticking in Mello and Near's heads; Matt is immersed in his game the whole time. Of course I'm sure he will be trying to hack onto the computers sometime soon. He would love to help Mello gain access to all our file son the Kira case. I'm sure he will.

And then there's Misa. Clinging to Light, cuddling into him, not even noticing that he is as distracted as I am. Not even noticing the annoyance and irrational jealousy she is planting in me. Telling Matt and Mello they fight like a couple.

When I went to the orphanage and met Matt, I was surprised that he had befriended Mello almost instantly. They seemed oddly close, and that bond seems only to have grown stronger. But I would never say they are affected by such feelings. Matt, maybe, but not Mello. I am distracted, though, so I can't say anything for sure.

Near stays quiet nearly the whole time, undoubtedly counting cameras and analyzing every word and action that any of us make. Later, I am not surprised to see him sitting outside Mello and Matt's door, staring directly at the camera with a blank expression. There are no cameras or wiretaps in they boys' rooms, but outside there are, as with the entire building.

"I can see why they'd be the top three candidates for your position," Light comments when Near goes back to his room.

Misa nods. "They're so cute! Especially that Matt one. He's funny! And Near looks like you, Ryuzaki!"

"We aren't related."

"You could be. Matt and Mello are close, aren't they?" Misa's eyes sparkle meaningfully.

I spear a whip cream covered strawberry. "They were instant friends. Matt is the first one to get close to Mello without becoming an addition to the floorboards."

Misa's phone goes off, and she checks it. "Gah! I have to meet Ryuga before the shoot; Matsu says I'm late! Gotta go!" she cries, getting up and dashing for the door. "Bye Light!"

"Bye Misa," Light calls. As soon as the door closes, he sighs.

"I thought she'd never leave," he mutters.

"She'll be back in a few hours, you know."

"Don't remind me."

I slip my feet down from the couch and stand up. I lean over the coffee table and murmur in Light' ear, "We should go to the roof."

Light stands and follows me up into the open air of the roof. The rain has lightened into a soft drizzle. We step under the overhang, which is also a very convenient blind spot. The rain will mask our voices.

"You don't know if you can trust me," Light says, not asking but stating.

The corner of my mouth lifts a tenth of a degree. "You don't trust me either."

"For all we know, both of us could be using the other."

"But neither of us wants to think that." He returns my tiny smile.

"Then why don't we ignore the fact that you are L and I am under suspicion for being Kira? For now?" He steps closer to me, his hands on my shoulders, gently pulling me closer to him.

"I don't see why we wouldn't," I murmur, tracing my hand up the side of his face to his hair. I pull his head down and Light's lips meet mine for the second time today.


	13. Chapter 13

**Do you know how much I love feedback? A lot. Like, a lot a lot. Let's put it this way: I love reviews as much as Matt loves Mello. Okay, in case I haven't made it clear that Matt would probably follow Mello anywhere, even if Mello wasn't "nice" ("" because we all know how mean Mello is being when he's "nice") to him at ALL, well, I just did. **

** So… I will follow reviews to the end of the earth! Yay! So to spread the love for the poor homeless orphans of Wammy's WRITE REVIEWS! **

** Way to stick with one incentive, Cloudy. **

** And it's totally okay for more than one person to review each chapter. Hint. Hint. **

** ALRIGHT, I need to stop before I become someone who says: twenty reviews and I'll update! No. I don't have the patience, nor the self-disrespect to do that. Geez. **

**Matt POV**

I still think that Light and L are into each other. They kept looking at each other like they had something important to sort out, and every time their eyes met the blushed and looked away. I'm _sorry, _Mello, but I thin your precious L has the hots for his suspect.

It's clear to me that Mello idolizes L. He wants to be the best of the best, and that's exactly what L is. The three best of the best, actually. L, Eraldo Coil, and Deneuve are all the same person.

I honestly don't care what L is doing with his love life (assuming he has one). I don't want him dating a mass murderer, but hey, he's L, and he can work things out. He could probably work that in his advantage.

Besides, I'm more concerned with the awesome technology they have here. I am going to get around to hacking onto those, and I'm sure L knows it. He can try and stop me, but I _will _get on those, especially to help Mello. I'd honestly rather have a human as the next L, not a robot sheep. Oh, also, I kind of love him, so I'd probably do a lot of shit for him.

Curse Misa (Misa-Misa, Miss Amane, whatever the cheeky supermodel wants to be called) for suggesting us as a couple. Yeah, it was a joke, no one will take it seriously, but I got defensive on instinct. Thankfully Mello took care of heading her off. He was already pissed at her for telling him to cut his hair.

I save my game and yawn. The clock on the wall reads midnight. I'm surprised I hadn't passed out before now. Sleeping on a plane isn't exactly restful. I turn onto my side and watch Mello poring over his book. I wish he wouldn't work so hard, but he has to. Becoming the next L and beating Near means everything to him.

I'm not sure exactly when I fall asleep, but the next thing I know I'm dreaming.

_I stand at the top of the stairs, staring in horror as the flames slowly cackle their way towards me. I can't move; it's like I'm frozen. I can still see her falling back through the flames, clutching her chest, still see her shocked face that contorted in pain only moments before. That's all I see, the image fills my vision and burns itself into my mind. _

_ "Mom…?" I choke, reaching a weak hand towards the flames. Suddenly rough hands grab my arms, causing pain to flare up from healing bruises. _

_ "Go get her you little faggot!" My dad roars in my face, shaking me, trying to push me towards the flames. "Go pull her out, you don't deserve to live anyway!" _

"_Get your fucking hands off of me!" I act on instinct, kicking out at him and twisting out of his grasp. Hatred and pure adrenaline course through my veins and turns my vision red as I reach out to defend myself. I only meant to keep him away from me. _

_ I never meant to push him into the fire that was consuming my corrupted home. I may have hated him, but I would never kill someone. Not then. _

_ I scream. I scream and run as far as I can away from the fire, into the bathroom. I shut the door and hastily throw a wet towel over me. I sit in the bathtub, shaking violently, keeping my eyes shut and praying to a God I don't believe in to save me, or at least to kill me quickly._

_ Within a few minuets, the door flies open and another pair of arms grabs me, strong but far gentler than my father's. I hardly react; just cling to masked man's coat desperately. I can feel the heat through my damp towel, smell the burning and smoke… _

_ The dream skips. I'm sitting in a hospital bed, my knees pulled up to my chest, staring blankly out the window. Conflicting thoughts rage a war inside my head. _

_ I killed him. I killed my father._

_ It was his own fault! He deserved it anyway! You know what he's done to you and Mother! Those bruises you refuse to show anyone, he gave you those! _

_ I killed him. I pushed him into that fire. Me, not anyone else._

_ He grabbed you, what else were you supposed to do?_

_ I lift the sleeve of my shirt and look down at my arm, still numb. My entire left arm is still covered in yellowing marks from his last, literally, explosion. This is why I always wear those gloves. If anyone saw them and said something, he'd only take Mother and me away and hurt us more._

_ I'm free from him. So is Mother. But I killed him._

My eyes fly open, and shocked tears instantly well up in my eyes. That one was fucking mean. Just mean. I had to re-watch my parents die for the tenth time, feel the horror of the fire yet again. _Fucking dreams, can't you leave me alone? _

I force the terrified tears away, trying not to whimper. Dreams of fire are so not cool for a person who is terrified of the stuff. Fire is good for one thing, and that is consuming everything and every one.

I don't succeed in staying quiet. A small, strangled noise escapes my throat as I struggle with my lingering fear. I really shouldn't think about stuff like this. I don't need those memories haunting me anymore.

The light flicks on. Oh, great. Just fucking _great. _At least I fell asleep in my goggles. I know that my eyes always betray my emotions, and I don't want Mello pestering me. It's painful remembering.

"Matt?" he asks, not sounding sleepy at all. _Please tell me I wasn't talking in my sleep again. _"You okay?" He looks over at me. I'm not sure I can trust my voice.

"…I'm fine. Just a dream," I mutter, turning over. I don't want to talk to anyone; I just want to forget.

He's silent for a moment. "Matt, who did you kill?" I stiffen. Damn my sleep talking. Damn it all.

"It was a dream, Mello."

I hear a mattress squeaking, and suddenly a frustrated Mello is rolling me over onto my back. He glares at me, but I see worry in his eyes.

"Mail," he growls quietly. "Tell me."

I am silent for a long time. I can't meet his eyes. "My dad," I finally whisper.

Mello leans back, still sitting on my bed. "Pushed him in…" he murmurs. I must have said a lot, damn it.

"Mello, I didn't mean to kill him," I blurt.

Mello looks back at me. "But why did you?"

I pause. "He grabbed me. He wanted me to…" my voice falters. "Wanted me to go after my mom." I sit up, pulling my knees to my chest. I have to be careful what I say, before everything spills out. Mello doesn't want to know everything.

"Why?" Mello persists. His voice is gentle, but I can tell he _has_ to know.

I shudder. "She fell…" I almost can't bring myself to say it. I've never had to put into words how my parents died. "Into a fire. There was a fire."

There is a short silence. Mello wont stop staring at me. "Matt, just tell me what happened."

I shake my head once.

"Matt…. Please?" Mello doesn't ask nicely for anything. Anything. Ever. I glance at him, and know that I'm going to tell him everything even though I don't want to.

My voice is stronger now. The fear has worn off, now only numbness remains. "There was a fire at my house, a month before I came to Wammy's. I was hid-" I stop. "I was in my room. My parents were in their room, and I smelled something off. I didn't hear anything; I was trying to block out the yelling-" I stop again. I really can't talk about that. If I could just tell this without going into detail….

"There was a fire downstairs, I don't even know how it started. I think my mom was trying to cook when Dad dragged… I mean asked her to come upstairs.

"I started banging on their door. Dad opened it, and he, um…" I falter again. In reality, he grabbed my shirt and spat in my face, but I'm not going to tell Mello that.

"He was mad at me, but then he saw the fire. He shoved Mother out of his room and shut the door. I think he was packing his shit or something. Mother… She started down to reach the phone, and when she turned around to tell me something, she…" I wince. My voice is no more that a whisper. "She fell. I think she had a heart attack, cardiac arrest or _something_." As I remember all of this, sadness is starting to crawl into my voice.

"Dad," I can't keep the acid out of my voice. "Chose that moment to come out, just as she fell in. He grabbed me and told me to go after her and get her. He said… He said that I didn't deserve to live anyway." Mello's face changes, but I don't look at him to see what emotion has plastered itself on his features. He said more than that, but that's just another thing Mello doesn't need to know.

"I pushed him away. He fell in… I hid until the firemen came." I finish lamely. My voice is just a murmur now. I don't even want to know what Mello thinks. I don't even know why I agreed to tell him.

I tug at my black gloves, remembering what they used to hide. I don't have the bruises anymore, just the ghosts of them across my arms, my shoulders, my collarbone, my jaw... The punches he threw always hit their mark, even when he was drunk. He was always drunk.

"Matt…"

"What?" I ask bitterly.

"Thank you for telling me." He sounds so sincere; I can't help but look at him. His eyes are blazing.

"Mello?"

"Your father fucking hit you, didn't he?" _How did he figure that out? _

I nod slowly. "How did you…?"

Mello scowls. "You never want to show anyone your arms, and you always flinch when something comes at you…You used to be really cautious and secretive. You still are, a bit."

I shudder. "He was worse to my mother…" _Well, until he found out my secret. There's a reason I tried to keep it from him. I knew what he'd do. _

"He blamed Mother and me for everything… even things that weren't her fault. Even things I couldn't control," I murmur.

"Matt, why did he do that?"

"He blamed Mother and me for his misfortune. He was a gambler. A drug addict, and alcoholic. Everything typical of an abusive person; racists, sexist, homophobic…" I glare bitterly at the sheet. "He hated _everything _about me," I breathe. I don't know why I said that. I don't know how Mello heard that.

"Then he deserved to die, if he hated his own child," Mello snarls.

I shake my head. "Maybe, but I still killed him. Nothing I can do will ever change that."

Mello pauses. "I've killed too, you know." He scowls. "I came to the orphanage a long time ago, but before that… A lot of shit happened. _My _parents were all mixed up in the Mafia and well, it's pretty bloody." I have a feeling that's more that anyone else from Wammy's knows about Mello's past.

"Oh," is all I can think of.

"I'm sorry for making you tell me. At least I know what your nightmares are about now."

"Some of them, I mumble.

"What?"

"Nothing." If I'm not careful, everything I've left unsaid will come rushing out.

Mello pauses, staring at the ceiling. "I don't deserve to have you here."

I stare at him, gaping. I have always thought the opposite, that _I _didn't deserve to have _him _with me everyday.

"Why do you say that?" I ask.

"Because it's true. You're always putting up with me, always sticking with me, and I don't deserve it."

"_Why?" _

Mello still stares, transfixed, at the ceiling. "I'm going to hell, Matt. Let's just leave it at that. I don't deserve to have anyone care about me. Not that anyone does."

"Are you _trying _to insult me?"

Mello laughs humorlessly. "Trust me, soon enough you'll see me for who I really am and you'll be gone. That's how it's been my whole life."

I stare at him, anger bubbling in my throat. "Mello, I'm not leaving."

Pain flashes in his eyes. "You will. You'll find it impossible one day to be my friend. Everyone will. As of now, you're the only person who cares even a little bit about me. But that will change…"

_He has no fucking idea how much he means to me_. I slam my hand down on the mattress. It's not a loud sound, but it jostles the bed. Mello looks at me.

"Mello, _shut up! _There's always someone who cares about you, even if it's not me, even if it's someone who barely knows you. There's always someone who cares about your wellbeing. And there is always someone out there, even if they don't know it yet, who will follow you around even if all you do is hurt them, because, guess what? They fucking _care _about you, Mello. They don't care what happens to them _selves_, as long as they're with _you." _ I'm not sure when I stopped talking about people in general, and started talking about _me. _But as soon as the last word leaves my mouth I realize that I'm speaking my mind and not just facts. I open my mouth to say something, but I don't know what to say so I just look away.

"How would you know?" Mello asks bitterly.

"I know more that you think," I murmur.

"What do you mean?" Mello's voice is soft, but I know I can't answer him.

"Nothing. It's not important." I turn my head away from him. _Mello has no idea how much he means to me. Mello wont let himself get too close to me, because he's scared I'll leave him. _

"I pried to much. Sorry." That's the second time Mello has apologized tonight.

"It's fine." I absent-mindedly press my fingers against my arm, remembering the ache that used to be there when I pressed. It's gone now, but I have a feeling I will never forget the pain. The only person I even let touch me is Mello, because I trust him. How ironic that I let _Mello _lead me around by my arm, when he's the one throwing punches at everyone else. I guess that's what devilish emotions do. They play dirty tricks on your mind.

I feel the mattress move. Mello must be getting up. But instead of returning to his bed, he sits next to me and silently leans his head on my shoulder. After a few moments I let my head fall to the side and rest on his. I can tell that Mello wants to believe that I will stay with him, but I know he can't.

I feel sleep starting to come back over me. Mello's presence calms me, chasing the disturbing thoughts from my mind.

_Mello, I love you. You wont ever believe me if I tell you, but I do. _

**Mello POV**

I forced Matt to tell me. I hate myself for that. I also hate myself for telling him… the truth. That he will leave me, alone. Because I deserve it. I can't tell him the details of my past, no matter how much he tells me. I want to have him around as long as I can.

It's so tempting to let myself get close to Matt, but if I do it will only be harder for both of us later on. Because, no matter what, both of us will part ways, whether I'm forced to leave first, or he realizes the truth about me first.

I wish I knew what Matt was hiding, even though it's only fair. I just know he only told me half the story. Like why his dad _really _hated him; there was half an answer left untold. But I can't force him, not after seeing how much pain his past causes him.

I'm glad that bastard burned to ashes. I always knew Matt was hiding something, from the way he shied away when someone got too close, the way he wouldn't let anyone touch him. The long sleeves, the gloves, and the goggles. All to cover up his past.

I didn't see him without his gloves for a few weeks. That must be how long it took until the bruises he was hiding faded, or he felt safe without them. It was a few weeks until he didn't cringe away when I got too close, or accidentally brushed him as I walked past.

That's the main reason I just can't lash out at Matt. Because I could see in his eyes his fear every time someone reached out to touch him, even just to get his attention from his game. That fear is gone now, but he still has scars, physical or not I don't know, but they're there.

It isn't long before Matt drifts off. I hope getting this off his chest will help him sleep better. I'm tired of waking up to him sitting in his bed, staring at the floor.

Matt looks _so _carefree in his sleep. What he said, how there will always be someone who cares, made me happy, even if it was just for a few moments before reality came and punched me in the face.

I gently lower Matt down onto his bed. I lean my head in my hand and watch him sleep. I pull his goggles from his face, wishing his eyes were open. They reveal every single damn emotion he's feeling, but behind the orange goggles you'd never notice. I never get to see his eyes.

I brush Matt's reddish-brown hair away from his face, and sleepily lay my head on the pillow. I should probably go back to my bed, but it's like Matt is a magnet. I want to be close to him.

A painful reminder of the truth seems to slap me in the face. _Stop it, Mello. What the fuck are you thinking? You can't get any closer to him than you already are, dammit! _I sigh, my eyes still glued to Matt's face. I don't even know what I feel when I look at him anymore. I just know that I wish I could let myself figure out my cluttered thoughts and feelings, but I can't without ruining everything.

My arms stretch out on their own accord and wrap around Matt's shoulders, pulling him closer to me. _Maybe I don't care if it will hurt more. I have to figure out what the hell I'm supposed to be feeling right now. _

It's been a while since I could look at Matt without the word "cute" coming to my mind and my heart skipping a beat. But there is no way in hell I am falling for Matt. I can't, I just can't. And I'm awfully sure I'm _not _gay.

_I wonder, is Matt gay though? _My thoughts are taken back to the day in the tree that feels like so long ago, but it can't have been more than two weeks, no, a week and a half. He denied it, but sometimes I have my doubts. _But what do I care if Matt is gay? It doesn't affect me in any way. _

I would love to convince myself that.

. . .

My eyes open to light filtering through the window and mingling with the orange light from the lamp. It takes me a second to realize that my arms are still loosely wrapped around Matt's shoulders. His eyes are still closed, and I slowly pull my arms back to myself, although I don't want to.

I wish I could just have time to sort through things, but I don't. Today I have to work on beating Near. It's already eight thirty. I love sleeping in, but getting up early is always a good move.

And I need to force myself to stop thinking about Matt so much, because I have a feeling I won't be here much longer.

And with that very optimistic thought, I get ready to (hopefully) kick Near's ass at _something _today.

**Okay. I'm not sure how I feel about this chapter. PLEASE tell me if I totally failed. If it seems to be liked I'll keep it. I wanted to introduce their pasts, as well as show that Mello is starting to fall from Matt ^.^ ALSO, it's gonna get a little angsty for Matt. Sorry. I know, I know, fluff is great and all… but angst just makes the fluff even MORE AWESOME! It's makes it seem even more happy and fluffy! **

**Plus a little (just a LITTLE) angst makes me want to cry and squeal and giggle like the fangirl I am all at the same time, so… yeah. Angst is the new BLACK, people! **


	14. Chapter 14

**I just got L and Light together and… I've been writing heavily on Matt and Mello! Sorry guys… OKAY, this chapter is reserved for L and Light! **

**Haven't gotten to the Yotsuba arc? Well hurry up, because my story's ahead of you now. Aka, Yotsuba Arc spoilers ahead.**

**Light POV**

"Mogi. Nice to meet you three."

"The pleasure is ours," Near says coolly. I'm not sure exactly how I feel about the pale boy. All of them are smart, but of the three Near is definitely the most L-like.

"You don't speak for all of us, sheep," Mello snarls. Mello is almost bipolar. He can go from calm to raging mad (usually at Near) in point zero one seconds, about. I've had a day to get used to them, but for the other Task Force members these people are brand new. And they didn't get any heads up from Ryuzaki.

I'm not sure about Mello, either. He has an interesting style; I'll put it at that.

"Mello, relax." Matt hardly ever looks up from his game. He was wearing elbow length black gloves yesterday, but they're gone now. He's wearing another striped shirt, this time black and white instead of red. Mello scowls and takes another bit of chocolate. Now I know why L was wondering if we had any. In a few days we wont.

"Mello's just a little grumpy from lack of rest. He needs his beauty sleep, you know," Matt informs them, struggling to keep amusement out of his tone.

"Matt, shut up." They seem to constantly bicker, and you almost wouldn't expect them to be friends.

"Well, as I said, these three boys will be staying with us until the orphanage is rebuilt. That could take several months," Ryuzaki says in his usual monotone that I now find myself liking. I like everything about Ryuzaki. Well, not every little thing, but most of him, including his weird habits that anyone else would find odd or impolite. Not that they aren't.

The taste of his breath (unsurprisingly like strawberries and sugar) lingers in my mouth and refuses to leave. I find myself wanting more, wanting his fingers running through my hair and down my sides. I just want to forget about reality and press my lips to his. Again. And again.

But that's not so easy to get when you are in our position. Constantly under surveillance, constantly surrounded by people. I would love for the cameras to "break", but that would raise suspicion immediately.

"I don't mean to be rude," Aizawa says gruffly, eyeing the three boys. "But how can you expect us to rust them?" I'm not surprised, L only recently introduced us to the criminals we're to be working with now, Weddy and Aiber.

L's eyes widen. "Oh, I don't. You see I am perfectly aware of your discomfort at having them here. But unfortunately, there isn't much I can do besides hope that, given time, they will prove to you that they are trustworthy."

"They're only here because they don't have any options," I offer. Matsuda nods eagerly. He's obviously trying to make up for mistaking Mello for a girl. Mello scowls at him.

"Yeah! You can't say you don't feel bad for them!"

"I didn't say that. I just don't know if I can trust them."

Near twirls a lock of white hair. "That's only to be expected. It's true we are only here because we have no choice, and also to continue our studies." The corners of his mouth turn up. He looks almost creepy, but also like a young child when he smiles. "Of course, I can promise you that all three of us will stop at nothing to learn everything we can on the Kira case. After all, all three of us want to catch him."

I can see that, although Mello doesn't like that Near is speaking for him, he agrees with him. Instead of voicing his objections, he just scowls.

"That's only to be expected," L says. "I understand if any of you can't accept this. If you wish to leave, I wont stop you." The entire room is silent, everyone staring at L.

Aizawa sighs. "I can't say one thing around here without someone thinking I want to leave, huh?"

Ryuzaki's face breaks into a small smile. "Good. I'm glad that all of you wan to stay; after all, we are a small group as it is."

We return to work as usual; the only difference is that Matt hovers behind us, watching intently as we work. He grumbles when Mello pulls him off to "work on kicking the sheep's damn ass," but willingly follows him. _How does Matt put _up _with Mello like that? _

Although I'm having trouble focusing, my efforts have redoubled. I don't want L to think I'm Kira. It isn't long that I find something I really should have noticed before.

"Ryuzaki, look at this," I say, pulling a chart up. "Look, all of these big ticket companies are starting to fail, all except the Yotsuba Group. And, the business people who have died recently come from these companies."

"Ah, I see!" L's eyes spark, and I know he's seeing what I just realized.

"Good catch, Light!" Matsuda says, coming up to look at my screen. "Come see what Light found!" The other Task Force members gather around to look.

"Do you think that Kira could be among them?" Dad asks.

"The chances are likely. All the evidence seems to fit together. We should proceed with caution, and find a way to gather more information. For now, we should go through all the recent killings and the progress of these companies. And _no one _should act on his own," L instructs thoughtfully.

"Great! I'll run through these reports!" Aizawa says excitedly, and is followed by Mogi and Soichiro, all carrying papers. Matsuda looks around for a second.

"R-Ryuzaki, what should I do?"

L bites the tip of his thumb. "Doesn't Miss Amane have her shoot with Ryuga today? She'd be furious if you miss it."

His face falls, and I can't help but smirk. "Uh, yeah. Okay," he mutters, before turning and walking away, mumbling to himself.

I feel L's breath on my neck. "Good catch, Light-kun," he murmurs. His lips brush down my shoulder before he pulls back, leaving my skin tingling. I shiver lightly.

"I'm going to catch Kira," I murmur.

"Not if someone beats you to it. You have a lot of competition now," he points out.

"Well I don't want you accusing me anymore. I want you to trust me."

"I want to trust you too."

. . .

"Damn him!" Ryuzaki hisses. "Of course he went and got himself into trouble. Matsuda, you idiot!"

I sit next to him, stiff with frustration. After his call posing as Matsuda's friend, it's obvious (to L at least) that Matsuda is in trouble, and that he's not alone. God knows what he's doing.

"He could get himself killed," I sigh.

"I knew he was an idiot," Mello grumbles. I don't know why they're here with the rest of us, but the three boys seemed to magically show up when things got complicated.

"I have a plan to get him out of this mess. None of you are going to like it but we don't have options," Ryuzaki states, before going on to explain his reckless plan of getting Matsuda to bring the men to where we can watch them, and then have him fall off the balcony whilst pretending to be drunk. We would probably catch him. So typical of Ryuzaki.

"That's insane, but it just might work," Soichiro says in amazement.

"He'd better have found out something useful, or I'm going to kill him as soon as we save him," L mutters. I smirk.

Matsuda is lucky to have L here to think up a way to get him out, or he'd be good as dead.

**L POV**

I tap distractedly across my keyboard. Hearing Matsuda's explanation didn't stop us from being angry with him, even when he provided us with some very helpful information. I can't believe he managed to get them to consider Miss Amane as their spokesperson. It's quite clever coming from him, really.

Now we know that Kira is among them.

I was 90% sure that Kira would be one of them prior to Matsuda's risky, immature, and very, very stupid expedition that I doubt I will ever forgive him for. Now we know for a fact that Kira is amongst them. Matsuda overheard them talking about Kira, and who they should kill before he was caught. Lucky for him he had a good excuse.

If they agree to have Misa sponsor them, we will have instant insight into their inner workings. We will be one step closer.

And now we have a list of people to research: Takahashi Eiichi, Kida Masahiko, Higuchi Kyousuke, Midou Shingo, Ooi Takeshi, Hatori Arayoshi, Namikawa Reiji, and Shimura Suguru. In fact, that's what Light and I are _supposed _to be finishing tonight.

But I have far too many things on my mind. The arrival of Matt, Mello, and Near has left quite a lot of work to do (mostly consisting of re-fortifying the data files so Matt won't get into them), and I worry that they will get themselves mixed up in this. I know they will. But I don't want them to get involved with Kira until there are no more options.

But even the amount of work left to do, concerning both the Kira case and the arrival of my successors yesterday, cannot hold my attention for long. It is not easy to focus when there is a _very _attractive seventeen-year-old sitting not six feet from me.

I wish I could just forget that I believe him to be a mass murderer, and I wish he could forget that I am the top three detective sin the world, currently out to catch Kira and bring him to his knees. But, no matter how hard I try I can't bring myself to completely trust him. I can't help but instinctively pull back when I get too close to him. He's patient, and I know he's struggling with similar problems. But I _want _to pull him into my arms and kiss him. But I can't bring myself to throw my life (and possibly my sanity) out into the open. Light can't either.

And, while we struggle to find a balance in the delicate tangle of conflicting thoughts and emotions, the cameras glare down at us the whole time. Watari may be overseas, but the Task Force members still have full access to the footage.

It isn't long before I stand up and gently tug on the chain.

"Cake?"

I nod, and lead Light to the kitchen. I start to search for my preferred chocolate, when I feel Light come up behind me. His breath tickles my neck and his hands come around from behind me. I hold still for a second, then grab his wrists and twist so our faces are less than an inch apart. His eyes meet mine, and flutter closed as I cross the distance between us.

My arms bend, bringing his hands closer to me. My fingers seem to move on their own, interlocking with Light's. Just when I want to continue, savoring Light's taste of… Apples? Spice? I don't know, but I like it, and I don't want to stop, but…

"Light-kun, cameras," I murmur. Light sighs, and pulls away from me. I grab a random slice of cake, feeling a little light headed, and follow Light back out to the computers.

"Thanks for putting so many cameras everywhere," Light mutters sarcastically.

"Well, I hadn't planned on this you know."

"At least the others trust you to some extent. They don't ask to see the camera footage," he says thoughtfully, as if trying to find a loophole.

"There are some blind spots. We could use those to our advantage."

Light smirks. "I believe we are supposed to be working."

"Whose fault is it that I definitely can't concentrate now, hmm?" I ask.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Light insists innocently. "It's not like you were focusing earlier."

"I guess there's no point in working further, then."

Light yawns. "I'm tired… And it just so happens to be one-thirty, so we should _maybe _go to sleep." Light is a lot more tired than he his letting on, and I don't complain when we head back up.

"Matt, don't even think about it," I call down a side hall.

"God _dammit!" _comes a frustrated voice. "I thought I'd found a blind spot!"

"I told you it was hopeless, Matt," Mello grumbles, stepping out of a closet that I had almost forgotten about.

"Then why are you here?" Matt follows him, glaring at Light and I, still clicking furiously at his game.

Mello just scowls. I notice Light smirking at them, and I put the tip of my thumb between my teeth.

"You two should go up to your room. If you seem suspicious, the Task Force members may demand that you three have cameras in your rooms."

The two boys grimace. "Right. Let's avoid that," Matt says, turning in the direction of the elevators.

"Come on, Light-kun. We're going the same way anyway." Light follows me without hesitation, trying to stifle another yawn. Matt and Mello get off on their floor and we continue up to our room.

I unchain Light so he can change. I notice him rubbing his wrist, and I feel a small pang of guilt. Maybe I shouldn't pull him around so much.

Light holds out his hand expectantly, but before I attach the cuff to him I grab his hand gently and examine the mark.

"Ryuzaki, what are you doing?"

"Is the chain bothering you, Light?"

"Of course it is. I'd rather _not _be chained to you twenty-four hours a day," he grumbles. His words sting more than I would ever let on, and I silently re-cuff him.

"I'm sorry you're so discomforted with this, Light-kun," I mumble. I can see regret on his face as he realizes what his words sounded like to me. I lean back to put the key away, turning myself away from him. I reach out to grab my laptop, but I stop when a pair of strong arms wrap around me.

"I didn't mean it like that," Light murmurs into my hair, pulling me back into him. "I'm just used to being able to move on my own. But I'd rather be chained to _you _than anyone else."

I hesitate, doubt clouding my mind. "Do you mean that, or is this all just an act?"

"Of course I mean it. I kissed you for a reason, didn't I?" He sighs. "I wish things weren't so complicated. Maybe then you'd _trust _me."

"Maybe then _you _would trust _me," _I reply. "But due to our circumstances, neither of us will every be able to fully trust each other, at least until this case is solved." Despite the depressing truth of this statement, I smile slightly. Because Light right now is not Kira-Light. It's _Light _Light, the one who isn't perfect, the one whose emotions show in his eyes. Light is not perfect for me anymore.

And I love it.

I flick off the lamp and press my lips gently to Light's. I lie back and let Light snuggle into my chest. _This is the stupidest, riskiest thing I have ever done. _I look down at the already almost asleep Light, gently stroking his hair.

_I may be making the biggest mistake of my life, but at least I'm happy. _

**Light POV (Holy SHIT, were they OOC or WHAT just then? Was it just me? I don't think so. If it was, well, I'm glad then. But I don't care either way, because I love that moment! Okay, sorry. Keep reading.) **

We haven't gotten very far with Yotsuba, despite the fact that they told Matsuda they are considering Misa as their spokesperson. For the past two days she has been repeatedly telling me about her shoot with Ryuga. I wish Ryuga would charm Misa so that she would start following _him _around.

It doesn't help that I notice the glowering looks that L throws her way every time she gets close to me. Not that I mind him getting jealous (it's cute and quite funny really), but when I have to be "affectionate" with Misa in front of him, I feel guilty. And I just plain don't want to.

I never liked humoring Misa, but now it's that much harder to deal with her.

With the lead on Yotsuba it's a lot easier to concentrate on the case, when the others are around at least. The three boys seem to spend most of their time bickering or trying to join us in the Kira case.

Sometimes I think that Near deserves all the scorn that Mello pours on him, and other times I think that Mello really should try meditation some time. It would do him some good to try and calm his angry tendencies down.

I have come to a conclusion about Matt (who seems to try and stay neutral between Near and Mello when they fight), that I'm sure L has noticed too, and possibly Near. Mello won't take his anger out on Matt, but he can be quite mean to him occasionally. But Matt doesn't seem to care. It's hard to tell through the goggles, but he seems content to let Mello do what he wants, and he'll even help him, as long as he gets to follow him around. It's almost as if Matt is in love with him.

If he is, he does a good job of hiding it. I seriously doubt anyone else from the Task Force wouldn't be able to pick up the subtle hints.

And Mello clearly has no idea that Matt _might _like him as more than a friend. I don't know them well enough to say anything for sure, of course, but it seems to me that Matt is far too willing to humor the blonde.

Near shows the most promise, mostly because he never lets emotions get the better of him. It's almost as if he doesn't feel significant emotion.

Misa is annoying; this case is annoying (it seems like it will never be solved), and the constant fighting between Matt and Near is annoying.

The most annoying thing that has bothered me the past few days, though, is Ryuzaki.

He still doesn't trust me. I know he wants to, but he can't. It's like he is having a war with himself. He will kiss me, then pull away _right _when I am wanting more. I can see in his eyes that he wants to continue too, but he just wont.

Like this morning. I caught him coming out of the bathroom and kissed him. He kissed me back, but after a few moments pulled away. It is the most frustrating thing in the world, especially considering that I am _also _unsure if I can _really _trust him. He seems truthful, but then again, both of us are good liars.

In the kitchen, away from the eyes of the others, Ryuzaki lets his lips brush across mine for a second before he finds his next source of sugar.

Every touch from him seems to leave a burning trail on my skin. Every kiss sends electricity through me. And every time he pulls away irritates me just a little more than before.

I am not completely innocent, though. I am uncertain, walking on a thin line, but I know that I love Ryuzaki. I know I don't trust him, I know he doesn't trust me, but I know I love him.

It's all because of this damn case.

Of course, I wouldn't have met L if it weren't for this damn case.

But L is the world's greatest detective. Certain complications would arise here.

I sigh, running a hand through my hair. I am getting nowhere right now.

"Say that again, you fucking sheep!"

"You need to focus harder if you want to have a chance at L's position."

"Shut the hell up!"

"You told me to say it again."

"Mels!" I know Matt is throwing Mello another chocolate bar, and a few seconds later I hear a wrapper being ripped open.

"If you would just control your emotions, you wouldn't _need _to eat so much chocolate," Near points out in a monotone.

"Near, why don't you go piss around somewhere else?" Matt sighs before Mello can snarl at him again. I hear shuffling, and a pale figure passes through the corner of my vision.

"Fucking little albino sheep," Mello grumbles. "Seriously, he's not human."

"I'm pretty sure you've said that before. A lot."

"Matt, shut up." Matt is silent. Thank heaven for the few minuets of silence we have before…

"Liiight!"

Misa. I sigh, already feeling a headache coming on. Aizawa closes his eyes and rubs his temples. He glares at the paper like he ants to murder it.

"Hi, Misa." I pull my chair back and let her sit in my lap, wrapping one arm around her.

"Light, let's go on a date!"

"Misa, we just found a new lead. We don't have time."

She pouts. "But Light! We haven't had a date in… " She pauses to count.

"Two days," I finish for her. "I know, it's been _forever_," I don't know how she misses my sarcasm. "But we just don't have time."

And I would rather spend my time with Ryuzaki then you, anyway.

I would love to see her reaction to that.

. . .

The week has gone by and all we have are complete, detailed reports on all eight members of the Yotsuba Group.

Not that I'm complaining, because it's Sunday, and Misa insisted on taking Mello, Matt, and Near shopping. I feel sorry for them, but they do need replacements for what burned in the fire.

And I have L to myself.

We sit in our room, not doing much, because there's nothing much to do. Neither of us has come up with anything new. We're stuck _again. _

We sit on the couch, Ryuzaki in his usual crouch, balancing his laptop on his knees. I watch him with mild interest. He doesn't seem to be really doing anything, just switching between pictures of victims and criminals.

It's not long before sitting on the couch turns into a kiss. L suddenly turns away from his laptop and lifts my chin with his hand, bringing my face forward until our lips meet. And once again, he pulls away. I growl.

"Oh hell no, Ryuu, not this time," I snap. He stares at me, and for a second I'm a little surprised. The nickname just sort of slipped out of my mouth, but I use his moment on surprise to my advantage.

I pull his computer away from him and lower it to the floor. I push him back against the pillow that rests against the arm of the couch, my hands on his shoulders. He grabs my wrists, eyes wide.

"Light-kun, what are you doing?"

"I'm tired of you getting away from me," I growl, advancing on him.

He smirks, amused, but I can see in his eyes that he's tempted to give in to me. "Nice try, Light-kun," he says before attempting to twist away from me.

But I'm ready for that. I use this moment to loop the chain tightly around a post that supports the back of the couch, and smirk when L realizes that his arm has already been yanked above his head by the chain.

He turns his head to look at the chain, and his amused expression becomes more obvious.

"Well, it seems you've outsmarted me," he says.

"Hmm." I lean down, keeping him slightly pinned under my weight. He may be strong, but he's underweight. I don't crush him, but there's no way he can get away from me.

"What do you plan on doing now?"

I smile. "I'm getting what I want, Ryuu," I murmur before crushing my lips against his. After a few moments, he starts kissing me back, and his free hand moves up my back to my hair. He pulls my head closer to him, and I realize just how much self-control L has. He's been wanting this as much as I have, but he's been too cautious.

This time Ryuzaki does not pull away except for air. I leave a trail of kisses down his jaw, letting my breath wash over him. He directs my attention back to his mouth, and I oblige.

I reach out to twine my fingers with the hand that is raised past his head. I pause for half a heartbeat when I feel the tip of his tongue brush against my bottom lip, asking for permission, and I open my mouth to let him in. A low moan sounds in my throat.

Whatever his past may be, this seemingly antisocial detective has obviously had some experience, because he is a damn good kisser.

**You do not know how hard it was to write out this chapter knowing what I was going to put at the end. I wanted to get to it right away, but I had to go through all the other stuff first. I liked writing that scene, it made the Fangirl Within squeal. I think that was a good scene, but if it sucked then… I will re-write. **


	15. Chapter 15

**Okay, this chapter is kind of a filler, but I had to include it.**

**Matt POV**

"_No, _Misa, I just need a few shirts, okay? I don't need a whole new style," I grumble at the button-up collared shirt Misa holds in front of my face. "And that's something _Light _would wear."

Misa seems to ponder this. "You're right! You look fine in stripes! Let's get you more of those!" She starts going through another rack, and I sigh. I'm thankful I managed to get my Gameboy before she dragged us out to go shopping. It's true that all three of us need clothes, considering we only managed to get a few things before departing England, but I really wish Misa would stop obsessing over everything. I would be fine just going to some cheap store, but of course Misa insisted on designer labels.

Misa has already had to fend off several fans. She keeps saying she should have worn a disguise. Seriously, what do people see in this air headed girl? She's so typical of a model it's ridiculous.

"Oh, Matt! Look at this!" She holds a whitish vest up, smiling. It's the most sensible thing she's shown me so far, and I sigh.

"Sure, whatever."

She squeals and throws it into my arms along with a number of shirts and jeans. She turns to Mello.

"Did they fit you?" she asks, looking at the pile of clothes in his arms. He nods.

"I really don't need this much," he mutters, and Misa laughs.

"Of course you do! Now, Near, we need to get you your stuff…" she leads Near off to some corner of the store, and as soon as she is out of sight Mello and I both put about half of what we're carrying on a shelf. I keep the vest; it's starting to grow on me the longer I look at it.

Mello glares off in her direction.

"She managed to find stuff I like, but I hate shopping with her. How many fans can an airhead like her _have?" _He asks incredulously.

I nod. "Seriously."

"You're sticking with your stripes, huh?" Mello glances at the clothes I'm holding and I chuckle.

"Just because _you _don't like them doesn't mean I can't wear them."

"I never said I didn't like them."

"Oh, so you think I _do _look good in them, then?" I tease. It's nice talking to Mello, because I don't have to use Japanese. Light and L can speak near-perfect English, but everyone else can, at most, say the most basic of words in it.

Mello rolls his eyes. "Shut up, Matt." I swear, though, he's blushing slightly. I narrow my eyes, and he glances at me.

"_What?"_

I shake my head. "Nothing." Misa and Near return, Near obviously successful at convincing her to let him get half of what she thinks he needs.

"Are you two ready?" Misa titters, and we nod. I try to focus on Mario to distract me from the looks the cashier gives us, obviously wondering what three boys are doing shopping with a model. Mello gives her a death glare, and the size 00 woman doesn't look at us again.

When we're finally out of the store with three different bags, Misa decides we need lunch. She drags us off to some typical "American-style" café with green awnings.

I get a sandwich, but I'm really not hungry. Misa keeps chattering on and on about her shoot with some popular movie star named Hideki Ryuga. Near stares off into space and Mello focuses on his chocolate. We all drown her out, waiting for her to finish her food so we can leave. When she _finally _finishes and starts leading us back to her limo (I really hate the attention it drags to us), I can't help but want to get back to headquarters. Sure, it's nice to get out, but I hate the attention Misa draws to us.

"Oh, let's stop here! I love this park! I went on a date with Light here one," she chatters. I sigh, and sit down on the grass against a tree, not bothering to look up from my game. Misa goes on and on about her date that she had here. I wish she would shut up.

She walks over to bench where Near is sitting about fifteen feet away, obviously hoping to escape her. Mello leans against the tree behind me, waiting impatiently. He glares at anyone who looks at him.

Immersed in my game, I don't notice the girls before they're right in front of me.

"Hi there!" I look up for a second, taking in the three girls before me. The one in the middle is blonde, and there is a brunette to her left and a pink and black-haired girl to her right, obviously she dyes her hair. All of them are in typically cute skirts and sweaters. Blondie smiles at me.

I return my attention to my game.

Blondie bends over and looks at me, here blue eyes wide. "Hey, what's your name?"

I decide to humor her, hoping they'll leave me alone. "Matt."

They giggle. "That's a cute name," the girl with pink hair chirps. Oh, God, are _all _girls the same?

"Can we call you Matty?" I hear Mello snort. Damn him, why won't he scare them off?

"No."

"Aww," the brunette pouts. "I'm Akiko, by the way!"

Blondie smiles again. "I'm Mai, and this is Reiko," she gestures to the pink haired girl.

"Right," I mutter.

"Is Japanese your first language? You have an accent," Mai says, plopping down on the grass in front of me. Damn, can't these girls just leave?

"No."

Reiko and Akiko sit next to her.

"Where are you from then, Matty?" Reiko asks sweetly.

"England. Don't call me that."

They all giggle. Akiko chimes in, "Why are you here?"

"Why do you care?"

I wish they would take a hint, but they only giggle more.

"You're so funny!" Mai informs me.

I ignore her, annoyed when I die.

"What are you playing?"

"Nothing."

Apparently this gives her an excuse to scotch next to me and peer at my screen. I instinctively shy away from her. I'm really starting to get annoyed and uncomfortable here.

"Do you play a lot of video games?" Reiko asks, also looking at my screen.

"Yes, and you're in the way."

"Sorry!" she giggles _again. _"You're cute! I like gamer guys! I like your goggles, too!"

All right, now they're being way obvious. I am _so _not interested in these girls. _Why _do girls always have to prey on me everywhere I go, do I look like a fun target or something? I'm fucking _gay. _Not interested. Mello is still trying to contain his laughter. I seriously wish Misa would tell us it's time to leave.

"Yeah, you seem nice," Akiko agrees. "I'll bet you already have a girlfriend. Is she nice?"

"No, I don't _have _a girlfriend," I mutter.

Mai's eyes widen in an oh-my-god-no-way type of look. "Oh, really? But you're too _cute _not to!"

I hate the fact that I'm blushing. I wish they'd just leave.

"Seriously, how can you _not?" _Reiko ponders. "I know! We'll find you one! Wait, how long are you staying in Japan?" I look up from my game, staring at her. I. Can. Not. Believe. Girls.

"Dunno."

She pouts. "Well, we know lots of girls! We'll find someone-"

"Why are you even talking to me?"

All three of them laugh. Mai says, "Because, you're just _so _cute, and we wanted to talk to you! Plus, you don't look like you're from around here. We figured you needed someone to talk to! But anyway, we have lots of friends! They'd all love to meet you."

I shake my head. "Thanks, but I'm good."

"Oh, Matty! Give me your phone, I'll put my number in and I'll call you later, 'kay? I think I know just the perfect person to show you to!" Mai squeals. I growl.

"No! Can't all you girls just _leave me alone? _It's the same wherever I go! I'm not even _interested _in girls!" I blurt, glowering at them. It takes me a second to realize what I just said. They stare at me for a moment, and sigh in unison.

"Oh, no wonder you're so cute! All the nice guys are either gay or taken!" Reiko complains. I feel my face burning, and I want to yell at them, because I _know _Mello just heard that.

"Well, Matty, here's my number anyway! You seem nice, so yeah!" Mai winks, handing me a slip of paper. I want to burn the paper and disappear. The girls hop up and wave, then their eyes fall on Mello.

"Hi, are you Matty's-"

"Fuck off." Mello isn't laughing anymore. Oh, great. Just fucking great. The girls blink and then turn, obviously miffed. They stalk off, probably to prey on the next boy they find sitting alone.

"Thank _God. _I thought they'd never leave," I grumble. "Thanks for all you help, Mello," I snap sarcastically.

Mello sits next to me, smirking. "It was funny."

I scowl. "Not to me it wasn't. Girls are fucking annoying. Can't they take a hint?" Mello glances at me.

"Are you _actually _gay, or did you just tell them that?" I hesitate, wondering if I should just blow it off, but I can tell from Mello's tone of voice that he already knows that I was telling them the truth.

"Yeah, I am. Not that it matters," I mutter, wishing the heat would fade from my cheeks.

Mello shrugs. "You know I don't care if you are, I told you that." _At least he didn't freak or something. _

"That explains why you hate that game so much," Mello muses.

"It doesn't put me in a good position," I agree.

"Why don't you just _tell_ them then?"

I shudder. "And what then? Most people aren't very accepting. I'm pretty sure those girls are insane, so they don't count. Besides, I don't need the whole of Wammy's knowing." I turn back to my game, eager to end the conversation. I don't want to go into details of this for_ many_ reasons.

Mello nods. Something seems to be distracting him. After a few minutes he turns back to me.

"Is _that _the real reason your dad hated you so much?" he asks, and I shut my eyes. _Sometimes I wish he wasn't so smart. He picked that up so fast, damn it._

"Can we _please _not talk about my father?" _Yes, my father found out and decided I was a disgusting, twisted faggot who deserved to die._ I'm not going to say that aloud, obviously.

"Sorry."

"It's fine." I focus on regaining all the lives I just lost, trying to forget that Mello is one step closer to finding out my _lovely _secret that will push him away from me forever.

"Mello, Matt, let's go!" Misa calls. We follow her to her sleek limo where Mogi is waiting for us.

Mello acts like nothing happened, which is fine by me. I don't know what he's thinking, but as long as he doesn't hate me for my sexuality I don't really mind.

**Mello POV**

Listening to Matt get pissed off by those flirty girls was hilarious, until he (obviously unintentionally) admitted the fact that he's homosexual. I had had my suspicions before, but now I knew for sure, and the answers to certain mysteries clicked into place.

I knew Matt wasn't telling me the whole reason behind his father's hate of him. Come to think of it, Matt left me a bunch of hints I didn't catch, but whether he meant to or not I don't know.

The only thing that's really bothering me, actually, is if Matt likes anyone. Which is really stupid and not my business, but I can't help wondering. I mean, I shouldn't care if he has feelings or whatever for someone back at Wammy's, but for some reason I don't want him to.

_Mello, focus. Near's right, if you can't start focusing you're going to fall behind, _I tell myself. I return my attention to the History textbook I'm supposed to be reading. Of course, History is damn boring and I have a lot on my mind.

I have absolutely no idea what Matt is to me, and it scares me. Yes, practically bipolar, don't-look-at-me-or-you're-dead Mello is _scared. _Because I don't even know what's going on in my own head. And that's not good.

_Whatever. It's not like I like Matt like that anyway. I'm, um, _almost_ sure I'm not gay._

So what am I then? There's no way I'm interested in girls (annoying little flirts), not after so many have pissed me off. Asexual? Maybe. But that doesn't explain _why _I can't help but want to watch Matt do _nothing _instead of whatever it is I'm supposed to be doing. Matt literally plays his games for hours on end, and I could watch him the whole time.

"Mello, is something wrong?"

"What?" I blink. Of course I was staring at him. "Uh, no. Just spacing out," I mutter, turning back to my book.

Matt growls, and I jump.

"Damn little Pichu, how the _fuck _can you beat my Kadabra?" he snaps. Matt get's so worked up over his games. _It's kind of cute. _

_ Study. Remember Near? He's going to beat you if you don't get your thoughts in order. _

Matt flops back on his bed. I lie on mine, with my book propped up by a pillow, and watch him out the corner of my eye. _I just have to get my thoughts sorted. Then I'll be able to focus. _

That sounds about right.

**Near POV**

I have decided that I agree with L. Light Yagami is the first Kira, Misa Amane the second. It makes the most sense.

Misa is hardly interesting to watch, so I choose to focus my attention on Light, and more specifically, the relationship he and L seem to have. Not the one they put on display for the Task Force, but their real opinions on each other.

Because both of them are very good actors, I have to be very observant to glean any information. But there are subtle hints in their body language and looks passed between them, as well as the undertones in their voices. And I have decided that Matt may be on to something. I fear that L and Light are far closer than they should be.

They stay close together. Yes, the chain limits the amount of space they have, but there should be at most five feet between them, leaving then six inches of room. Of course, the chain causes complications when it is lifted, so a closer proximity is to be expected. Although they sit a reasonable distance apart, they tend to stand closer than necessary.

And then there are the looks that pass between them. There seems to be a second conversation going on, one communicated through appearances and subtle changes in expression and movement.

And another thing: they both seem perfectly content to be chained together. It is human nature to want space to oneself, and while both of them obviously need their room, there is minimal discomfort that shows.

Of course, it is entirely possible that these are all just misinterpretations. While I am positive that the things I have been noticing are there, it is likely that it means nothing.

But I cannot be sure.

**Hope that wasn't too boring. I have a little bit of writer's block right now. More fluff soon! **


	16. Chapter 16

**I have come to a conclusion: L and Light is the hot and fluffy pairing. Mello and Matt is the cute and fluffy pairing. **

**Both of them are fluffy but everything for L and Light is darker because of their positions in the Kira case. At least… in my head it's like that. **

**But no one cares what goes on in my head. I assume no one wants to hear my rambling about this. You'd all just read a kissing scene, yes?**

**Fine. I'll give you one right off the bat. But I'm starting to think I'm going to do too many of these. I have to make them more… sparing so they fit into the story. **

**This one is also a bit of a filler… I'll move on with the plot a soon.**

**L POV**

I have decided to trust Light. It's probably a mistake, but when I let things go where they will I am not disappointed. I'd rather be a bit reckless (very reckless, honestly) and be able to enjoy kissing Light than have to worry about Light being Kira.

Light was very clever, catching me on the couch like that. Light is also very, very hard to resist. He can be… persuasive.

But I'd be a hypocrite if I said that I wasn't too.

"Ryuu…" Light murmurs from behind me. I turn.

"Yes, Light-kun?" I say, equally soft. I know what he wants.

"Kiss me," he says, tugging the chain gently. I rest one hand under his chin and smirk.

"If you insist." I close my eyes and kiss him, one hand still under his chin and the other pulling him closer. It isn't long before he takes control, backing me against the wall of the roof. It's the dead of night, but this is one of the few places that's riddled with blind spots. Around the back is the perfect spot, for example. That's where we are now.

Light's tongue asks for entrance, and I give it to him. Because both of us are childish and hate to lose, as well as arrogant (I still insist that Light is more vain than I, but that _is_ arrogant of me), it's often a struggle between us for control. One of us will willingly give in to the other… if we feel like it. Right now, I'm perfectly content to let Light rule the kiss.

That doesn't last long, of course.

We pull away to breath, and I trail my mouth along his jaw and down his neck, and my teeth lightly graze his skin. He shudders lightly. I bring my mouth back to his and trace my hands down Light's sides to his hips to pull him closer. Closer is all I seem to want until Light melts into me.

"We should probably go back inside," Light suggests after a few minuets of just leaning against the wall.

"The longer we're off camera the riskier it is," I agree. Light combs his fingers through his hair in effort to flatten it.

We walk back to the elevator, not speaking. I glance at the cameras. _We are being _very _reckless. We need to be more careful…._

"The case is starting to get more and more dangerous again," Light muses. "Now that we are interacting with Kira, we're in danger of getting caught, aren't we?"

I nod. _He read my mind. _"We need to be careful." To anyone watching this, it will appear as if we are just talking about the case. Of course, both of us are on the same train on thought. You can't see the double meaning in our eyes on camera.

Light smiles slightly. "Of course, sometimes drastic measures must be taken. For instance, having Matsuda jump off a balcony."

"Matsuda has a tendency to make stupid decisions."

Light laughs. "If he decides to watch this, he won't be very happy with you."

"Why? I spoke the truth," I say innocently as we step out of the elevator.

Light yawns and opens the door to our room. I fish the key out of my pocket and unchain Light. He changes quickly and waits for me to fasten the cuff around his wrist again.

I lock the metal around him, turn the light off, and crouch on the bed, balancing my laptop on my lap. Light pulls the blanket up around him.

"We still need to get the heater fixed," he grumbles. "It's not very warm in this building at night. And it's only going to get colder."

"You'll be fine, Light-kun. We have other things to focus on as of now."

"Whatever." I focus on my work for a few moments, but Light's arms pull my back, causing my computer to slip off my knees. I gasp as I fall sideways, into Light.

"If you don't want to get the heating running again, then you're going to have to deal with this, because I'm _cold." _Light murmurs, too quietly for the bugs to pick up. I blink. _This isn't like Light at all. His personality changes so drastically sometimes. Where does the usual arrogant, leave-me-be Light go, I wonder?_

I smirk to myself. "Very well then," I say softly, shifting so I'm in my preferred sleeping position. Light lies on his side, and I curl close him. He smiles sleepily, eyes already starting to close.

_He's even convinced me to sleep. This is getting… _For once I can't really think of a good word to voice my thoughts, probably because I'm having so many at a time.

It's easier to just let sleep slowly overcome me.

. . .

I sigh and turn my chair to face Matsuda. "Matsuda, can you _please _stop staring at me like I've grown a pair of rabbit ears from the top of my head?"

"Uhwah?" He blinks a few times. "Oh, sorry! You just look… different, but I can't quite tell why," he explains sheepishly, shuffling his papers.

I just turn back to my computer.

"Have you been sleeping more, Ryuzaki?"

I don't look at him. I just shrug. "Why?"

"Because, those shadow sunder your eyes are fading a little bit. Yeah, that's it!" Matsuda says decidedly. "Finally realized that humans need rest to function?"

"I am perfectly aware of that fact." I have always thought of Matsuda as immature and not very useful. He has proven his worth on occasion, but mostly he gets in the way. He has good enthusiasm, but no patience or control. He is young, just a year older than me, but I do not take that as any reason for his immaturity.

There is silence, for now.

"It would be perfect if Misa came in right now," Light mutters sarcastically under his breath.

**Near POV**

I am surprised the Task Force members do not mind my presence whilst they work. True, I am silent, merely observing, but I had expected them to be distrusting of me. But over the course of the week, they seem to have accepted our being here. In fact, they have started warming to us slightly, especially Matsuda.

Soichiro is more concerned with his son, telling him about how his family wishes Light could study at home. Apparently, Light's cover story is that he had to be away from home to do things for his school for a while. Light must be an already diligent student for his mother and sister to buy that. But Deputy Director Yagami is polite to all three of us.

Aizawa and Mogi seem to be indifferent to us. They are polite, and curious, but I can tell they have accepted our being here and no more.

Matsuda, however, likes to constantly talk to us, along with Misa. Together they make a very annoying pair.

Matsuda is no longer bothering L and is actually focusing on his work.

I twirl my hair with my finger, wondering what Mello and Matt are doing. They, along with Light, are very interesting to watch.

At that moment, said boys appear on the stairs.

"Hi!" Matsuda waves. Mello glares at him, and Matt just grumbles to himself. I notice that he doesn't have his video games with him for once. Wonder if that is what he looks so unhappy about.

I know that Mello likes to be down here to pick up information on the Kira case. He sits on the couch across from me, as far from me as possible. I watch Matt sit a few feet from him.

"Mello, I will take all your chocolate and burn it if you do this to me again."

Mello rolls his eyes. "Matt, if you can't go an hour without your Pokémon you're never going to get anywhere."

"But my Rhyhorn almost at level one hundred!" he protests. "Me without my games is like you without your chocolate."

"It's nothing like that."

Matt sighs, looking bored. I notice the Task Force members, excluding Light and L, are watching them with mild interest. They must be surprised to see Matt and Mello having an actual argument over video games. The two hardly ever actually have a row, even a minor one like this.

Mello watches L and Light, ignoring the others. Matt looks wistfully at the many screens and computers. Mello appears lost in thought. I let my gaze wander, but I continue to watch them from the corner of my eyes.

"Hi everyone!" Misa calls from the door. There are some audible groans that she doesn't seem to notice.

"Hi Light!"

"Hello Misa." He doesn't even turn his attention away from the screen.

"Oh, you boys are here too!" she flaunts over to us and plops herself right next to me. "Yay!"

I continue to stare off into space, trying to ignore her.

"Matt, I didn't get to ask you yesterday, but remember how we went to the park for a few minutes yesterday?"

"You mean the one you practically dragged us to? Of course I remember." He looks like he really wants his games.

"Well, I saw you talking to some girls! Who're _they? _They were so cute!" she rushes, obviously beyond eager to get details.

Almost instantly Matt blushes. He glares at her from behind his goggles. "I have no idea who those girls were, and I don't care to know."

Misa sighs. "Oh, come on! I'm sure they at least told you their names!"

Matt scowls. Mello glares at Misa, and then at the Task Force members who keep glancing up at Misa.

"Yeah, but I don't remember."

"Why?"

Matt groans. "Because _I don't care _what their names are!"

"Then why did that really cute blonde girl give you her number?"

Matt looks like he wants to sink into the couch and never be seen again. "I _don't know. _I don't care either." He glares at her. "And I didn't look at it, or keep it for that matter."

This is all very interesting. I can tell the others are listening in, eager for a break in the boring routine of work. Both Mello and Matt look furious with Misa, and Matt is still blushing slightly.

Misa sighs dramatically. "Matt, you're _so _hopeless! Someone needs to teach you how to talk to girls! Actually, all of you need that! I know!" she claps her hands together. "I'll help you!"

"_No!" _All three of us say in unison, me in my monotone, Mello practically yelling, and Matt looking extremely miffed, which is odd for him. He is usually so patient and laid-back.

Misa looks hurt. "But you're all so cute- especially Matt, a lot of girls like shy guys like you!" Matt rolls his eyes, and Mello scowls at her.

"Misa, _none _of us are interested in dating! We have better stuff to do!" Mello snarls.

"Seriously. Are girls obsessed with this type of thing? It's damn annoying," Matt mutters more to himself than anyone else. "I'm going upstairs, thank you very much." He gets up and heads towards the stairs. Mello stays, glaring at Misa.

"Oh well!" she's back to her peppy self. "Hey, want to hear about my next shoot?" she starts rambling on about some senseless photo shoot she has next.

Misa Amane has the intelligence of a cotton ball.

**Matt POV**

Really, Misa should just mind her own business.

Girls are not a good topic for me. I haven't had the best experiences with them, and when Misa's trying to find out about these girls whose names I don't even care to remember it just gets awkward for me.

Gee, I fucking wonder why.

I slip into our room and find my bag, digging through it until I find what I'm looking for. I put them into my pocket, grab my Gameboy, and head to the roof where I've already found a bunch of blind spots. I don't need someone telling me off.

I stand on the roof, playing my game, slowly wandering over to a spot just around the corner. I know the cameras here face away from me, and I sit down. I pull the objects from my pocket and stare at them for a minute.

My dad smoked. Like, two packs a day. Three maybe. Hell, he practically forced me to pick up on it to, constantly offering me one. I was what, _seven _the first time?

When I got to Wammy's, I had been on treatment to get me to stop since I was hospitalized after the fire. I _did _stop, until a few days before the fire at Wammy's when I found a way to get some again. I probably shouldn't have, but honestly, it takes a lot longer to kill an addiction than those stupid therapists and doctors think.

I haven't had a chance until now to actually smoke one of the cigarettes I got off of some rebellious kid at the orphanage. I haven't smoked in about six months.

I probably shouldn't, but I do anyway. I pull one out and light it, watching the flame carefully.

_This is a stupid idea Matt. You're literally killing yourself, you know. _

But I stick it in my mouth anyway, and go back to my game, refusing to give any of this a second thought.

The fact that I don't even come close to coughing once is probably pretty sad.

I could blame my dad, but then again, I'm the one who decided to light it.

_I don't give a shit. _

. . .

I yawn and stretch. I've beaten the Legend of Zelda _again, _as well as unlocked all the worlds in Super Mario for the fifth time. I need some new games.

I distract myself with trying to find a way to hack onto the Task Force computers. They have some _seriously _high-tech stuff here, probably equipment that's not even publicly available. If my laptop hadn't burned to a crisp I would have such an easier time.

I hear the shower shut off in the bathroom. Who knows why Mello decided to take a shower at midnight, but I don't mind. It's not like I'm sleeping right now or anything.

The door opens and I automatically look up, which is a mistake, because Mello is shirtless, his hair dripping on the towel around his neck. I quickly look away.

"You do realize you were in there for a full thirty minuets?"

He shrugs. "Whatever. I was thinking."

"What about?"

"Nothing important." Okay, I get it. None of my business.

"Oh." I move my little avatar around in the tall grass, searching for a wild Pokémon to fight. I'm not having much luck.

I'm tired, but I don't feel like sleeping. Mello throws his towel in the corner and adjusts the waistband of his sweatpants that he'll only be seen in at night, along with the loose shirt he pulls out now.

He could probably pull of his pajamas anywhere, though.

_Okay, time to _quit _thinking about what Mello looks like. Even if he is…_ I stop the thought in its tracks.

I wish I could escape to the roof with a cigarette and my Gameboy, even though it's freezing outside. I got re-hooked frighteningly fast.

I realize that Mello watching me with a distracted look on his face. Obviously thirty minuets of hot water didn't do much to help him sort out his thoughts. He absently unwraps another chocolate bar and snaps off the corner.

I wish Mello wouldn't look at me like that. I twitch once, and glance at my pack where I know my cigs are hiding, waiting to be lit.

_Seriously, I'm already like this? It's been what, five, six hours? God, it's gotten worse than it used to be. That "addiction medicine" crap those idiot therapists gave me didn't do shit. Not that I care. _

I yawn again and shut off my game, plugging it in before clicking my light off.

"I'm going to bed. Night," I tell him, pulling the blanket back. It's cold here at night.

"M'kay," Mello says, also turning his lamp off. He lies back on his bed. I pull my goggles off. I quickly find that I can't sleep. My mind is buzzing.

Oh well.

**Mello POV**

I had hoped that taking a shower would help me sort through my thoughts. All I came up with was: Near is a bastard, I really need to work on beating him, and I'm still fucking confused about Matt. I don't even know why I'm confused about him.

I step out of the shower and quickly dry off. I pull on my grey sweats and let my hair drip onto the towel around my shoulders. I look around for my shirt, realizing I left it outside the bathroom.

When I open the door, the cool air chills me. Matt looks up, and I notice his eyes flick over me from behind his goggles before he looks back at his game.

I turn to my dresser to find my shirt.

"You do realize you were in there for a full thirty minuets?" He informs me.

"Whatever. I was thinking."

"What about?"

"Nothing important." I know he's just curious, but I don't feel like sharing the inner workings of my mind.

"Oh." I find the loose shirt I'm looking for and slip it over my head. I sit on my bed and watch Matt focus on his game. Well, it looks like he's focusing, but every so often he glances at his bag, and his hands twitch ever so slightly.

I'm pulled from my thoughts when puts his video games to the side and turns off the light.

"I'm going to sleep. Night."

"M'kay," I say, and turn my light off so he can sleep. I lie back in my bed. My mind quickly returns to my earlier thoughts.

_I'm too close to Matt, _I realize. _I may be unsure what he means to me, but I'm too close. There _will _be a time when I leave, I know it, and the closer I am to him will only make it worse… for both of us. I want to keep Matt as my friend, but someday…. _I sigh. _At some point he'll realize that I'm best to be avoided._

I have this feeling that sometime soon, I'm going to leave. I'm not getting anywhere here. And my best course of action… is to try and keep Matt from becoming more to me than he already is (whatever he may be to me, I don't think I'm going to figure that out). I should throw myself into the Kira case. It is what I have to do, isn't it? I _have _to be better than Near. I _have _to catch Kira.

I want to have Matt by my side, but I know that that will only make things worse.

**Well this was a bit of a filler, but also an important one. Not much happened, BUT some little things happened that will progress the story! Yay!**


	17. Chapter 17

**Light POV**

"Weddy," L begins, "Has successfully bugged the room the Kira meetings are held in. We have set up cameras and wiretaps, as you can see." He gestures his spoon to the screen displaying the room. "Their meeting will begin in approximately five minuets. We must watch and listen carefully, because we do not know what we may learn."

L swivels his chair around. "Mogi, you will be taking Miss Amane to her interview with Yotsuba Group in two days' time. Misa, we need to practice for that."

"Someone's there!" Matsuda alerts us. I turn my attention to the meeting that is starting under the watch of our cameras. Seven men file in.

The men sit around the table. There is a moment of silence, then…

"Well then, let's begin tonight's meeting." _That's odd…_

"There's supposed to be eight of them, but only seven are present! That must mean that…" my voice trails off.

"They probably killed one of their members," L drones. I glance at him. _He's so calm about this._

"In order to further the growth of Yotsuba Group and best serve its financial interests, who should we kill next?"

There is a collective gasp.

"You see? It's just like I told you last week!" Matsuda points to the screen with nervous excitement.

"This is not good…" Ryuzaki mutters. "At this rate…"

"Before we get to that, there are several topics we need to discuss. First, there is the issue of Hatori's death," continues Ooi Takeshi, a bald man with glasses.

"That was unavoidable," Namikawa begins. "To be honest, I am relieved that Hatori is dead. Kira has demonstrated that we must be committed to these meetings; we now know what will happen if we try to leave."

"I… think we all understand what Hatori's death means for the rest of us," Ooi adds. "Let's not take it lightly. Now, moving on… Our next topic is Eraldo Coil's report."

Dad scowls. "One of their members just dies and that's all they have to say?"

Higuchi, a sharp-faced man, holds up a piece of paper. "So did we really pay five million dollars for _this _report?" he grumbles. "I mean, come on! Look at this! He hasn't found out anything important about L like his name or his face! Is this Coil guy seriously going to be of any use to us?"

"Hold on a second," Ooi says. "There _is_ something very interesting in the last part of this report. Coil's warning us not to take L's existence too lightly. In particular it says that the concentration of killings beneficial to Yotsuba will likely be noticed by L if they continue on Fridays and Saturdays."

"Sounds like this Eraldo Coil has figured out what we've been up to. I admit it's quite impressive. At any rate, I personally think we should stop killing every weekend," Midou states.

"This is unbelievable!" Matsuda exclaims. "It's like they're trying to confess to everything!"

"If we keep this video as evidence we could probably arrest all of them," Dad agrees.

"This is not good…" L mutters again.

_ What they're doing is insane!_

"Kira hasn't been flexible lately. It would be nice if he could spread out his killings over the whole week."

"The fact that Coil noticed what we've been up to makes it too dangerous to continue killing at our usual pace. From now on we have to be extra careful and make sure that nobody else notices a trend in these deaths."

There is a pause. "Now, on to the main topic… Who should we kill?"

They proceed to decide whom to kill. I find myself finding this more and more sickening. "Is this for real? How can they do this so easily?"

Anger and disgust well inside of me. "Kira? Deaths by _accident_? Disease? _Designated times_ of death? It's all just as we suspected!" I glance back at Mello, Matt, and Near, who no one seems to mind being here. _I guess they are trustworthy. They are L's heirs, after all. _

"We were right."

L starts stacking marshmallows, normally I would find this cute, but I'm quite focused on the case at the moment.

"No, unfortunately we can only be completely sure until after those people are dead. We will continue to monitor these meetings and take note of what they say, how they act, and most importantly, whether the people they choose are dying or not. If we can confirm the correlation between the people and their deaths, we will definitely catch Kira." He raises the tower of candy to his mouth.

"_Ryuzaki!_"Father and I exclaim simultaneously, causing the tower to fall. Although L's hurt expression is convincing, I'm still frustrated with him.

"_What _is it?" he asks, slightly miffed. "There's no need to yell in unison."

"I can't carry on knowing people will die! That's just immoral!"

"Right!"

"Here it comes…" L mutters.

"I know you're planning to catch Kira by letting these guys carry on with their murders, but… we can't let that happen!" I refuse to let something like this go on. You'd think L would know that by now.

"That's right. It's obvious that these men are behind the killings! With Matsuda's testimony, and the footage we've recorded, we have all the evidence we need!" Soichiro agrees.

"You're making this difficult," Ryuzaki insists, setting down his tea. How many things can he consume so many things at once? "If we were to take action now, everything we've done would go to waste."

We watch for a moment, and Dad demands for the numbers of these men. "I don't care who we call; I need to reach one of these men and have them stop the murders!"

"Please, hold on," Ryuzaki protests patiently. "That will cause suspicion. It would mean the investigation caught up to them three days after they were contacted by Aiber. Also, it would make it far more unlikely that we would discover whom the real Kira is. We can't afford such a huge setback considering how far we've come. In order to catch Kira, we are going to need solid proof."

"Ryuzaki," I begin an idea forming in my mind. "If one of these seven men _is _in fact Kira, would it be safe to say that if I try calling them the odds of them being Kira is one in seven?" _We have to do something, and if I succeed, we may gain a valuable spy…_

"I'm thinking there could be more than one Kira among them… a probability of two in seven at most." L looks at me questioningly.

"If we're prepared to let them know the investigation is watching them, then lets place our bets on these odds. Ryuzaki, I'm going to pose as L. Judging from their conversation the one least likely to be Kira with the most influence is… Namikawa."

"Ooi!" Matsuda says at the same time. "Uh…"

"If you're going to make a call, please, use this phone. It can't be traced or tabbed," L points to a black phone, eyes glinting.

I nod, and reach for the phone.

. . .

"I can't _believe _you, Ryuzaki," I sigh irritably. "First you _openly _accuse me of being a murderer, and then you force me to side with you and not my own father!"

The detective turns wide, innocent eyes on me. "Light-kun, I told you, I'm not sure where that came from. What I said is _true, _but please keep in mind, such things are necessary. I had no choice but to test you."

I glare at him. _I know. I know you don't trust me, and that you still think I'm Kira. You were sure I'd take your title if I were. _This _is the problem with being_ _in a relationship with you, L. Neither of us trusts the other._

"And as for Amane, well, not only do I need you working with me, but I really do _want _you working with me," he adds in a softer tone. I don't reply. I just continue glowering. He lifts my chin with his finger, bringing his face close to mine. The wind blows his hair around, causing it to brush my face.

"If I kiss you, will you forgive me?"

"No." He does anyway, and I let myself melt for a few moments, my eyes closed.

"Maybe a little bit," I murmur when he pulls away. My eyes open and I see him smiling slightly. It's funny how his face can barely change at all, and yet it's as if a whole other side of him is showing.

"I believe we have work to do," Ryuzaki puts his thumb to his mouth.

"There's always work to do." I walk with him back to the elevator. _We won't be able to relax until this damn case is solved, will we? _I wish that we didn't have the Kira case to get in the way of things. _I wonder… _Suddenly a darker thought crosses my mind, and I stop walking for a second.

"Light-kun, is something wrong?" L asks over his shoulder.

I shake my head and continue after him. "No, no. I'm fine… I have a question, though."

"What is it?" He presses the button and turns to me.

I hesitate. "I was just wondering, what do you plan to do after the case ends? If it ever does, that is."

L pauses thoughtfully. "It depends how the case ends. If I live, then I'll look for another case that catches my interest. Although, after this, I doubt anything will be as intriguing."

"Oh." The doors open and we step in. L faces away from the camera, and murmurs,

"Of course, it all depends on if you live, too."

I glance at him. His eyes are almost… wistful? _Does he really hope I'll be around then?_

**Matt POV**

"God damn him," Mello growls for the tenth time since L asked Light if he would take over in case of his death.

It was a test, but does Mello care? No.

It doesn't help that Near kept muttering "as I suspected" the whole time we were down there, watching the meeting at Yotsuba.

"Seriously, is that bastard psychic or shit? How did he _know _everything already?"

"Calm down, Mello, we're on the same page as him now. They've got a whole closet of tech stuff, you know. I got a laptop from there last night when everyone was asleep. I'll be able to hack on soon."

My fingers fly across the keyboard as I slowly work on sifting through at least a hundred security files. Just in case, I have the volume off. I already checked to see if this is being tracked (in fact, I check every thirty seconds), and so far I've decoded about a zillion different sequences.

It's like trying to hack onto a government site. I speak from experience.

"How soon is soon?"

"Um… an hour, at the most two." He nods his satisfaction and takes another bite of chocolate.

He comes over and sits behind me, watching me.

Something has been really off about Mello for about the past week, and I'm pretty sure it's because of the Kira case. Mello has been distant and colder than usual, throwing himself into "beating Near" and "becoming the next L" and "winning". I feel like this case is starting to control him.

Mello has always felt second to Near; I noticed that as soon as I met him. Near is _always _ahead or tied with him, even if it's just by one-half of a point. Near is _always _one step ahead.

Mello doesn't adore L, unlike Near seems to. He definitely admires him, he wants to be every bit as good as he is, and it's all about _winning _and being the best. For him, it's a contest.

I'm here to help him as best I can, to follow him around and work behind the scenes. I don't mind, though, because Mello has always been teamed up with me, and vice versa. Back at the orphanage we would pull pranks nonstop. We were the strange pair that no one understood. How could a quiet gamer befriend the boy who won't hesitate to punch you for looking at him in less than a week?

But recently… it's like Mello's forgetting all of that. It's like Mello's forgetting me, and it's been like that since we came to Japan and got involved in this whole ordeal.

_Focus, Matt. _

I push my thoughts away and concentrate on working faster. My eyes scan over a particularly complicated code. My fingers slow to a halt. If I make one mistake…

"Ah!" I mutter, and start typing again. I know Mello has absolutely no idea whatsoever what I'm looking at, but he doesn't move from his position from behind me. _I'm almost there… _

Another twenty minuets pass. I pause for a second, flexing my fingers. They ache from typing so quickly for so long. I lean away from the screen to check my progress so far.

I think the most annoying thing is that this is all in Japanese. Seriously L, are you _trying _to kill my eyes?

I re-check to make sure we're not being tracked or watched and continue for another ten minuets.

At last, after a good hour and a half total, I seem to magically click the right thing. A window pops up and, one by one, the entire collection of files on the Kira case appear.

"Voila," I say, holding up the laptop and looking back at Mello.

His eyes are glinting. "Yes! You're amazing, Matt!" I smile a little and hand him the computer.

"I know. Now, be careful what you click, okay? And if you need a password for anything, let me back at it."

"I'm going to need a password for everything, knowing L."

I nod, and lie back against my pillow, watching Mello as he works through everything, eyes flicking across the screen.

Mello pushes his hair back behind his ear. Slowly, a darkly delighted smile creeps across his face. It looks nothing like him, a completely new expression. He looks almost… evil. It's a cold expression.

"Beat _this _Near."

It's all about Near. Everything's about Near.

_Matt, there is no fucking way you are jealous of Near. You have no reason to be jealous of him. Don't be ridiculous._

But sometimes I think that Near get's a lot more of Mello's attention and time than I ever will.

In fact, I know he does.

**Near POV**

"I don't suppose you disagree with L," Deputy Director Yagami sighs.

"No, I think he is perfectly right." I don't look up from my tower of toothpicks.

He sighs and turns to Mogi and Matsuda. "It's not going to be easy to arrest all seven of these men…"

Matsuda sighs. "The more I think about it… the more Ryuzaki's plan makes sense."

"But it isn't right to let all these people continue dying…" He sighs. I stand and look up.

"L's methods may seem drastic, but if I were you, I would listen to him. He's never been wrong before." At this, I turn and head back up. I don't feel like going back to my room, so I head to the roof.

The air is chilly, but I don't mind. I walk towards the middle of the roof, looking out over the city. _Kira could be anywhere, but he could also be right under our noses. _

I catch the scent of cigarette smoke on the wind. _Who here smokes? _I look around, but no one is in sight. I walk around the side of the building, and my eyes fall on Matt. He leans against the wall, his game in hand and a cigarette in his mouth.

"What are you doing up here?" I ask, walking towards him.

He looks up, blowing out another puff of smoke. "What does it look like I'm doing?"

"You are sitting alone, inhaling toxic smoke that will probably give you cancer of the mouth, throat, or lungs."

"Aren't you observant."

"You are also not in a very good mood."

"What do you want, Near?"

So like Matt. He doesn't despise me like Mello does, but he definitely doesn't like me.

"I don't want anything from you. I didn't _plan _on meeting you here."

He looks at me suspiciously, and shrugs. Watching him, a question pops into my mind. I am about to say something when Matt looks at me again.

"Try not to tell anyone that I'm smoking, please? I have a feeling it wouldn't go over all that well with some of the people here, and I honestly don't need anyone bugging me about it."

I narrow my eyes, leaning forward. Matt is taller than me, but I still manage to bring my face about a foot from him. "I won't tell anyone… if you answer my question."

He scowls at his screen, trying to move away from me. The wall stops him. "Thought you didn't want anything from me."

"I didn't. Now I do."

He sighs. "_What?_"

"Do you love Mello?" he stares at me blankly for a few moments as if trying to register what I said. I did spring it on him quickly and out-of-the-blue.

"W-what?" he says, pushing me away. He's acting as if the idea is absurd, but I can see color on his cheeks when he looks up to scowl at me.

I reach up and twirl my hair. "I asked you if you have feelings for Mello. I think you do, and I'm not often wrong."

"Why do you care, anyway?" He glares at me.

"I have my reasons. Just answer my question. And be truthful. I am already 97% sure, in case it interests you."

"It doesn't. Can't you please go away?"

I shake my head. "Not until you answer my question. And…" I step closer to him again. "If you don't, I'll tell Mello _exactly _what I think."

_I knew it. _He stares at me, eye wide with frustration, disbelief, and fear. _He's scared that Mello will find out. He doesn't want that; Mello would probably push Matt away. _

He knows I'm serious, and that if I do Mello is sure to confront him about it. He grits his teeth. "Fine! Okay, yeah, I do, but why the fuck does it matter to you, Near?"

I blink. "It doesn't at the moment."

He mutters something under his breath. I turn to leave.

"Near." I look over my shoulder. He looks scared. "Please don't tell him."

I turn back towards the door. "I wont…" I say loud enough for him to here, and mutter to myself, "For now."

**And now Near knows. **

**GOD…this chapter is despicable. Well, it's not as bad as it was when I first wrote it. It took several edits. But I'm fairly satisfied with the results. **

**FYI I didn't want to make Near seem like a little bitch. I just want him to know, because… well, you'll see. **


	18. Chapter 18

**Oh... I've been forgetting the disclaimers… WHATEVER, if you don't realize that Death Note isn't mine by now you're obviously on the wrong website. **

**Mello POV (this is short but I felt like I had to put this in here. We need insight into his thoughts, no?)**

_There is no way Near has access to their files; I know this for sure. I already know more than he could possibly ever observe! Matt, you did a good fucking job. _

I am going to beat Near. That's what this is all about now. Ever since I came to Wammy's, it's always been "Near did this right!" and "Near got the top score again!" I've _always _been second to Near, and I've had enough. L is the best of the best, number one. I _will _be number one.

If I catch Kira, I will prove that I am not merely a runner-up to a sheep.

I take another bite of chocolate, letting it melt over my tongue as I scan file fifteen out of forty-seven. I have been at this for an hour now. It will take me roughly two more hours to finish.

I have plenty of time.

The door opens. I don't look up from the screen as Matt walks in and shuts the door behind him. He is still for a second before he walks over to look at my progress.

"Good job," he says. _That's odd… _frown slightly, distracted by a faint smell of… _Is that cigarette smoke? _I blink a few times to clear my head and return my focus to the task at hand. Mello moves back to his bed. It takes me a few minuets to realize that he's acting weird.

Matt is not glued to any gaming device, for once.

I look up questioningly. He's just staring off into space, apparently lost in thought. I almost ask what's wrong, because he doesn't look very happy, but I don't.

I've been trying to separate myself from Matt; as soon as I get all the information I need I'm out of here, and I can't take Matt with me. I'm not going to let him get hurt. It is far better to do this, anyway. It will be easier to leave if I don't have to worry about Matt.

No matter what, I'm leaving, and he's not coming with me.

But I can't help but worry about him, as hard as I try not to. Lately he seems depressed, really not his usual self. I don't know why.

_Mello, concentrate. _

If I could figure out how Kira kills, I would instantly surpass Near. I would instantly be considered useful to the case.

_Near, I'm going to beat you. I will be the new number one, and that is final._

**Light POV**

"Oh man, I hope Misa-Misa's alright," Matsuda frets. "Maybe we should have wired her or used something to track her movements."

_Just as I thought, the Kira before I was detained and the one that surfaced afterwards must be two different people… The MO clearly doesn't match. _I sigh. _This Kira's killing people as soon as they've had their crimes broadcast on TV, regardless of the situation. He's punishing people who never intended to kill; those sincerely regretted their crimes, or those with excusable circumstances. The original Kira would have never have punished those kinds of people. That's the sort of distinction I'd make, if I were him. The way the original Kira acted is disturbingly close to my ideals. _

I sit back in my chair. _What the Hell am I thinking? I'm _not _Kira. Something's got to be seriously wrong with myself if I'm seriously comparing myself with that murderer! _

I may think similarly to Kira, but who doesn't think that _some _people no longer deserve the right to life? People like terrorists, for example, who think that killing people is the right way to spread their message. People who think that innocent people should die.

"Misa-Misa sure is late," Matsuda says not twenty minuets later. Suddenly, the door opens, revealing Mogi and Misa.

"Hey!" Misa calls, before sighing dramatically and making her way over to me. "Oh, I'm exhausted!" she complains, sitting on my lap.

"Hey…"

"How did it go?" Ryuzaki questions, turning to Mogi.

"Yotsuba agreed to hire Misa Amane as their spokesperson for the new ad campaign," he announces.

"Really? That's good to hear."

Misa smiles. "And I made sure to give them my cell phone number! Would you believe three out of seven guys already messaged me, asking for a private date?" She holds up her phone.

"What?" Matsuda exclaims. L rolls his eyes.

"So now I accept their invitations and investigate them, right? It's going exactly as I planned!"

I may not want Misa as my girlfriend (I don't want a girlfriend very much now, do I), but I do care a little for the annoying, air-headed model. She's so innocent and stupid that I worry about her sometimes. "No, the plan's getting canceled right now!"

Misa turns. "Huh? But why? Everything's been going so smoothly until now!"

"If we go any further you'll be in danger. You can still appear in their commercials, but from now on you should deny that you were the second Kira and was detained by L. Mogi will continue being your bodyguard, and you'll be working solely as a celebrity!"

Misa hesitates. "If that's what you want Light, then that's what I'll do." She waves. "Oh well, I'm pretty tired, and tomorrow's shoot is bright and early, so I'd better get some sleep!" She smiles at Matt, Mello, and Near on her way out, giggling.

"Hey Light, want to come sleep with me tonight?"

And that's why I can't stand her 99% of the time. "What are you talking about?" I snap.

She laughs. "Just kidding! You're saving it for after we catch Kira, right? Don't worry; you don't have to be shy about it! She calls as the elevator closes.

"Yes Light, there's no need to be shy about it." I have a feeling I'm the only one who knows L is teasing.

"I'm not being shy!"

He turns to me. "No need to be so serious either." _Like you're one to talk, _I growl inwardly, returning to my seat.

Ryuzaki sips his tea, leaning towards his computer. His eyes flick across the screen. He glances back in the vague direction of Matt, Mello, and Near, his eyes glinting curiously. He sets his tea down and leans closer to the screen, clicking slowly.

"What are you doing?" I ask. He blinks and looks at me as if he just realized I was here.

"Nothing." He glances at the three boys again before returning his attention to his computer.

_Typical. _

. . .

"This is a lot more complicated than is preferable," Ryuzaki admits, watching me with blank eyes.

"Yes, but it's unsurprising. After all," I turn to face him. "You are a detective and I am a suspect. And if you are right, then I will be put to death."

For a second pain flashes across his features and he twitches, but it's gone so quickly I'm not sure if I actually saw anything or not. His face is a blank mask again, but I'm almost sure that his emotionless expression is cracking at the edges, revealing his thoughts.

"What?" I ask, scooting my chair back a bit. He drops his eyes.

"Nothing, Light-kun."

Now I _know _he's hiding his true feelings, because his voice sounds slightly strained. For L, slight changes on the outside could mean a drastic leap on the inside. Despite that he seems devoid of emotion, I know otherwise.

Maybe I would just like to think so.

I'm not lying when I tell Ryuzaki that I wish that this case wasn't in the way of everything. I'm not faking when I kiss him, and my mind is not playing tricks on me when I find myself thinking, _I think I love you, Ryuu. _

But I have no idea if L is lying, if he is faking, or if he's really using this to try and get a confession out of me. I've never really understood what I want in a partner, and I know that L is the complete opposite (excepting his intelligence, of course), but the thought of him tricking me makes my chest ache.

I wonder if it's the same for him, or if I mean nothing to him.

L is still looking down. He appears to be struggling with something. I'm about to ask again, when suddenly his head snaps up, eyes burning, and he lunges forward, knocking my chair back and crushing his lips against mine. My chair tips back and we crash to the floor. I land on my back with Ryuzaki on his hands and knees over me. My breath is knocked out of me and hitches in my chest.

"Um, Ryuzaki?" I manage after a moment. "What…?" My voice trails off. _What the heck? _

L's eyes are still blazing with a mix of emotions that I can't place, but it's more subdued. "Sorry, Light-kun. I didn't mean to knock you over."

I frown quizzically at him. "I'm alright, but what was that all about?"

"I'm not sure." His eyes bore into mine. "However… I know what I _want, _if not _why._"

"What do you want then?" I ask softly, having recovered from my sudden contact with the floor, and lift my hands into his black hair.

"What do you think?" he asks softly. I open my mouth to answer him, but he cuts me off with his mouth.

It doesn't take long for me to notice a difference in L. He is far more insistent this time, demanding, almost…_ needy_? I don't mind really, and I don't have much choice but to go along with him, because I'm somewhat stuck.

_Why is he acting like this? _

Not that it's a _bad _thing, what he's doing. But it's like he's throwing everything to the wind: the security cameras, the very real possibility that someone will come down (it's only half-past eleven, and no one in this place sleeps until at least one), and the fact that I could very easily kill him in this position. He may be on top of me, but I am stronger and heavier than him. I wouldn't, but knowing Ryuzaki, he usually would take this into account.

He doesn't seem to care. He's not himself.

L breaks away, panting slightly, his hands tracing down my chest. I push myself up on my elbows, and he seems to come back to his senses. He suddenly moves away from me, and before I can move to stand, takes my hand and pulls me upright. I grab my fallen chair and stand it, watching L curiously.

"Sorry," he says again.

"What for?"

He reaches up and flattens my hair. "For knocking you over and kissing you like that."

I attempt to fix the collar of my shirt, which somehow got messed up when I fell. "It's _fine, _Ryuu. You just surprised me." I glance at the cameras.

"We should probably fix that, hmm?" He mutters to himself, before slipping back into his seat in one quick movement. I sit too, glancing over the Kira reports.

_If we could just figure out how he kills… _I glance at L. _I doubt either of us can concentrate anymore; as soon as he's done I'll suggest we go to sleep…_

I yawn as I think this. I have a lot to think about, anyway. _It's so unlike him to act randomly like that. There's usually thought behind his actions, and it seemed as if he was acting purely on whim. I don't understand… What happened? What on earth was he thinking? _

I sigh quietly, irritated. I'm over thinking this.

_ As soon as I started talking about me being Kira he started acting weird. _

"Light-kun, let's go up."

I realize I've been frowning at the keyboard. I quickly rid my face of the expression and nod. We are silent on the way up, and I realize how early it is, for L, at least.

"Are you tired tonight? It's only midnight," I inform him. He watches me with wide eyes.

"I'm a little drained, but you look half asleep, and there's not anything else to do for now."

"Oh." _I am pretty tired… _"Well, I wonder why I haven't gotten enough sleep recently," I say through another yawn.

"We've been over this before, I believe," L says as he leads me out of the elevator and down the hall.

"Yes, several times." I walk after him into our room and he fishes the key out of his pocket, releasing my wrist. I quickly change, not bothering to move my crumpled shirt from the floor into the hamper.

"Are you alright?"

"Huh?" I glance at L, who is watching me worriedly. I realize that my hand keeps going to the base of my neck, which his the floor particularly hard. "I'm fine, don't worry."

I yawn again, sitting on the bed and rubbing my eyes. _Why am I so tired? It's kind of odd._

I feel L's hand wrap around my wrist and lock the cold metal around it. His breath is cool on my neck, and I lean back into him. He presses his lips to my hair.

"You're cute when you're tired, you know that Light-kun?" he whispers.

"Good, because lately I'm tired 99% of the time."

"That," he says, moving over to his side and tugging the chain, "Is an exaggeration." I drop my head onto my pillow and smirk.

"Not by much." My eyes close, and the light on L's side goes off. A few seconds later, his arms wraps around my shoulders and pulls me closer.

_If L didn't care about me, would he want me this close all the time?_

**L POV**

I do not know what caused it, but the moment Light mentioned that, if he were Kira, he would die I stopped thinking.

Well, I was thinking, just not clearly. All I could think of was, _I don't want Light to die. _

I don't understand the literal, 100% real, physical and mental pain that thought caused me. Until now, I didn't think much about what would happen if I discovered that Light is or was Kira. Until I started falling for him, I honestly wanted him to be Kira, and once I accepted my feelings I wasn't sure.

Now I know that, although it is the only solution that makes sense, I do not want Light Yagami to be Kira. But I am 65% sure that Light is Kira, if not more.

But what bothers me is that I am only 80% sure that Light really has feelings for me. That is nearly sure, but I have doubts. Of course, he could be having the same doubts as I am.

I do not want Light to think I am merely using this to get close to him and get a confession or find out the truth. I do not want to think Light is using this to get my real name. The way Light acts makes me think he _does _return my emotions, but there is always the chance that I have made a mistake.

Because I have so many thoughts running through my mind, I cannot sleep. Unsurprisingly. This is the earliest I have tried to sleep in probably five to six months.

I still don't believe that I would actually knock Light to the floor just to kiss him suddenly like that. It's as if something came over me, making me absolutely _need _to have Light at that moment.

_The thought of his death… does it really have that effect on me? If so, that is ridiculous. As well as a danger to the case… But does the case really matter so much anymore?_

Those are words I never dreamed would cross my mind.

. . .

"Light!" Misa calls happily.

"Misa," he answers.

"Oh, I'm so nervous," she says, coming to sit in his lap. "What if I mess up?"

"Misa, you'll do fine. That's why we practiced for this, remember?"

Misa beams, leaning back into his chest. "Oh, Light, as long as you'll be here when…" she is cut off as the chair suddenly tips back and starts falling. Her eyes pop wide and she cries out in surprise. "Uh-wahhh?!"

"Light-kun!"

"Misa-Misa!"

I am also pulled off of my chair as the chain snaps taut when Light and Misa hit the floor with a painful thump.

"Ryuzaki!" Matsuda rushes forward with Mogi, helping us up. I get to my feet and wince when I see Light and Misa on the floor.

Misa squeals and quickly gets off of Light, stumbling. Matsuda steadies her and turns to Light.

"Light, Misa, are you alright?" Soichiro asks worriedly.

"I'm fine! Light, I'm so sorry!" Misa cries. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," Light says, standing. He winces though, and rubs the base of his neck. "Again?" he mutters, looking down at the chair.

"What do you mean, again?" Matsuda asks him.

"Nothing." He pulls the chair up, and Misa comes to help him.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

He nods.

She sighs with relief. "How did that happen?"

Matsuda holds up a screw. "I found this earlier! It's must have fallen out from the back of your chair, Light."

"How did _that_ happen?" Soichiro demands.

"Good question," I agree, glancing at Light."It's probably just a fault."

Matsuda nods. "Yeah. Let's fix this anyway." Light takes the screw from his hand and crouches behind the chair, fiddling with it.

"Misa-Misa, we have to go soon," Mogi announces.

"Oh, I have to get ready!" she dashes to the elevator, practically knocking over Near, who came down just in time to watch us fall. Matt and Mello look on from the couch.

I am fairly certain that one of them tried, and possibly succeeded, to hack onto our data file. That would be Matt, meaning that Mello probably has access to all of our info. So today, I added another set of passwords.

I am 90% sure that Matt will eventually get through them, but when (if) he does, I will know.

**Matt POV **

Near is a little bitch. Really, he's such an annoying ass.

I try to stay neutral between Mello and Near, but when the ghostly brat decides to spring accusations on me like that, and then practically force me to confess, it's hard not to want to strangle him.

And now I'm paranoid that he's going to tell Mello, but he's probably going to use this against me. Blackmail.

Because he _knows, _he _knows _that I'm scared of Mello's reaction. He knows I think Mello will hate me, and although I can't read his mind, I'm pretty sure he agrees with me.

I have a perfectly good reason to be scared, as pathetic as it is.

I can't just be _left _again. This time I'd know _why _at least, but I'm not sure that would make it better.

It's easiest to just focus on my games and pretend that Mello isn't standing next to me, laughing softly as Light and Misa tumble out of their chair, pulling L to the floor with them. It's easiest to pretend that Near doesn't know anything.

"Misa-Misa, we have to go soon."

"Oh, I have to get ready!" she shoots past us in a blur, almost hitting Near standing in her path to the elevator.

"Sorry, gotta run!" she throws over her shoulder. Near doesn't even seem to notice that he almost got run over by a speeding blonde.

I sigh quietly. Today isn't really my day.

I woke up with a splitting headache after about two hours of sleep, and now I'm jumpy, exhausted, and can't focus. My problems with Near, Mello, this case, my lack of sleep recently, and the fact that I haven't had a chance to smoke once today really don't work too well with me. I've already lost ten lives in Mario, if not more, and I usually don't die more than that number per world.

Seriously, I think my head is going to explode.

Maybe I'm coming down with something.

That would explain my general feeling of _illness, _and my mood.

I would really love to sleep now. I shut my game off, unable to focus through my headache, and rest my head in my hand, watching everyone over the back of the green sofa. It's quiet now, with Misa gone to get ready, and it isn't long before my eyes get heavy and I drift off.

_All around me is black, except for one point not quite in front of me that seems to glow dimly. I try to focus on it, but each time I turn it moves away from my direct like of sight. In the hazy glow I can just make out a figure, although I can't tell exactly who it is. But it seems so familiar, and I feel like I should know. _

_Slowly, everything seems to come into focus. The figure becomes more and more defined, still far away, but I can barely catch hints of their features, and just barely hear their voice drifting over to me. _

"_Hey, Matt-Cat."_

My eyes fly open, and all that fills my vision is green. I jump and lift my head, blinking. L and Light are still on their computers. Mogi and Matsuda aren't around, Near is watching from the other couch, and Mello is frowning at me.

"Matt, are you awake _now?" _ he asks.

"Uh, yeah, I think so," I say groggily. "Why?"

"Because, it took me forever to wake you up."

I stifle a yawn. "Oh. Sorry." My headache is making itself known, and I don't really feel like I slept at all. "How long was I out?"

"About two hours."

"Doesn't feel like it," I mutter, picking up my Gameboy. My dream has left me shaken; I don't understand what triggered that. _Can't I get one minute of peaceful sleep? _I move to stand too quickly, and I feel a little dizzy for a few seconds.

"Are you alright?" Near asks.

"Fine," I wave him away. "I'm going up to the roof," I tell Mello, before heading over to the elevator.

"Okay…" he says, his voice trailing off. He's watching me warily, like he knows something's off. He probably knew before he even woke me up.

Within a few minuets I'm on the roof, sitting in my usual spot, lighting a cigarette. Hopefully this will help my headache.

_Don't be ridiculous, it's only going to make it worse. _

Again, I don't care.

What I care about is sorting my thoughts, because my dream, no nightmare, really caught me off guard.

Only one person in this whole world knows that nickname besides me. And for all I know, they could be dead. They could be Kira, although I doubt that. They could be doing anything, and I wouldn't know, because they left.

I gave up on them almost a year ago.

It's kind of cruel for my subconscious to do this to me. I think I must really hate myself.

I still don't know where he's gone, why he left. And I don't think I ever will.

That doesn't stop me from wishing I knew.

I watch the smoke rise from my mouth. _I wonder… what really did happen that made him have to leave without telling me anything? _

**I could keep writing for this same chapter on and on and on, but… I need to update. **

**READ: About the L/Light scene in this chapter: This was not me writing, this was some random creation of my subconscious. I think it was intended as a big F-you to writer's block, which I have struggled with recently. But I found myself liking it, so I let it take over and kind of just wrote what popped into my head. I will pass on any messages to… whatever it is that came up with that.**

** I have a line that I WILL NOT CROSS. No explicit stuff. I will not write that. Sorry. This story is T only, people. **

** If you want hardcore yaoi… read something else. **

** Yes, I KNOW that scene wasn't that bad or anything. But it was so random it kind of surprised me. **


	19. Chapter 19

**I'm drawing out the time when they're waiting to see if the killings have stopped from three days to five. **

**Mello POV**

"And so, based on what he said, Higuchi is Kira!" Misa says proudly, holding up her phone.

Matsuda exclaims, "Now we not only know Kira's identity, but all those deaths that were worrying the chief are going to stop! That's amazing Misa-Misa!"

She smiles and holds out a peace sign, giggling.

I glare at her. _How on earth did a ditz like her manage to convince Higuchi to confess? L _must _be suspicious of this. _I glance from him to Near. _And if I am, then Near certainly is. _

_ The likelihood of us all being on the same page is high, too high for me to hope otherwise. No, if I could figure out how Kira kills people, _then _everything would change. Of course, if Higuchi really is Kira, he'll stop killing criminals, making it difficult to determine his killing methods. _

"Misa," Light begins. "How did you get Higuchi to confess?" _Right, there's Light too. _

"It was easy, that guy's totally in love with me! All I had to do was tell him I'd marry him if he was really Kira! Plus, I managed to convince him that I'm the second Kira!"

_How did she do that? She'd have to be very convincing. This guy must be stupid or something._

"Misa! You idiot! Didn't I tell you to deny all that?"

"But…But now we know that Higuchi's Kira, right? So what's the problem? Can't we just catch him?" she protests.

"I suppose this is what you would call a victory, right Matsuda?" L cuts in.

Light sighs. "But right now we still don't know exactly how he kills his victims, do we?"

"Yes, that's what I was thinking." Of course it was. _At least I'm thinking like L. If I can think like him, I can build off of his abilities and become better. _"Before we arrest Higuchi, I want to find out how he kills people," L says while playing with his sweets, flicking them across the table.

"And if the criminals stop dying we wont be able to figure it out, unless we come up with another idea, isn't that right?"

"Yes. At any rate, even if we do arrest Higuchi we're not going to do it until we're certain that the criminals have stopped dying. Let me think about this for a moment."

I lean back into the sofa, watching intently. I'm still surprised that they don't mind our presence here, watching and listening in on their every move, every new lead. I wonder if L has already discovered that Matt managed to hack into the files.

L contacts Weddy, and they discuss the bugging of the members of Yotsuba. _I wonder, if Higuchi's car had been bugged before, what would we have heard? _

"Light-kun, I'm sorry to keep coming back to this… I'll just get right to the point."

"What is it?" Light asks warily, as if he knows what's coming.

"Do you remember? Killing anyone, I mean."

"Huh? Are you still going on about that? Look, I'm _not _Kira, how many times-"

"I just want you to answer the question… Well? Do you remember?"

Light scowls. "No, I don't."

"Misa, what about you?"

Misa steps forward. "I don't remember! How could I, because I'm not Kira!"

"Look Light-kun, I'd like you to listen to what I'm about to say. I want you to thoroughly analyze my current theory. This could determine the way we end up catching Kira."

Light looks anything but happy about this, but he doesn't say anything. He just stares at L.

"Light Yagami _used _to be Kira. Kira's power has somehow passed on to another person. Light Yagami now has no memory of ever _being _Kira. I need your analysis based on these assumptions. Do you think you could do that for me?"

"Yeah, I'll give it a try," he relents.

L launches into the rest of his theory. I'm surprised he's thought up all of this already. _From what I've seen of Light, it would definitely be his own doing. He would design a plan where he forgot about being Kira. If it were someone else, they would have to have at least his intelligence level or higher, and so far the only person who seems to be his match is L. _

There is a long pause, then, "Given your premise, it would be my will."

"Yes, of course."

_What exactly is L thinking? _I wish I knew. I wish I could be a more active part in all of this, but then if I was, Near would be too. How much does Near know? I have access to the files, but Near seems to have a way of knowing everything.

L mumbles a bunch of stuff to himself, too quietly for me to hear, then turns to Light.

"Thank you, Light-kun. I can now say that I feel 99% better."

He begins devising a plan, seemingly out of nowhere, to make a situation where Higuchi would be forced to show his power to the Task Force.

"We'll make him show us how he kills."

"So, what are you going to do?"

"I'm going to trick Higuchi using Sakura TV."

"Like a hidden camera show!" Matsuda exclaims.

Matsuda looks horrified as the plan to have him appear of Sakura TV and reveal Kira's identity is laid out, but slowly his expression hardens.

"I don't need two or three days to decide. I _want _to do this!"

. . .

"Has _anyone _seen Matt?" I growl into the nearly empty room. L, Light, and the rest of the Task Force are out trying to find someone to fix the cameras on the top four floors, which unexpectedly short-circuited. Since yesterday, when it was decided that Matsuda would appear on Sakura TV, Matt hasn't been around much. Actually, he wasn't around much earlier. I didn't really notice, but he seemed a little out of it.

I feel guilty, which is unusual for me, because I've kind of been ignoring Matt. I know that I can't stay too close to him, but he seems to be almost… hiding? It's unlike him. Usually he's standing next to me, plugged into his game. I'm really missing him, even just his being next to me.

And now that I'm looking for him I can't find him.

"He could be up on the roof. He's been going there a lot lately," Near suggests. I glare at him. How could Near know where my best friend is, but not me?

I head up, glaring at my chocolate like everything is its fault.

I step out into the cold air of the roof. The wind chills me, and carries the smell of cigarette smoke on it.

_What? That doesn't belong all the way up here… And why does it have to be so fucking cold? If Matt's up here a lot, he's going to catch a cold or something. _I look around for a second then walk across the roof and around the corner. Leaning against the wall is Matt… with a cigarette in his mouth.

"Matt!" I snarl, and he jumps.

"Mels? What are you doing up here?" His voice sounds drained, and I realize that he actually does look slightly sick.

"Matt, what the fuck are _you _doing up here?" I cross my arms and stalk forward.

"Uh, what it looks like. I figure they don't want the Headquarters smelling like smoke, so…" He shrugs, but he doesn't meet my eyes from under his goggles.

I scowl. "You do realize that those things are going to kill you?"

"They haven't for five years," he mumbles. I freeze.

"What do you mean, _five years?" _

He looks up somewhat sheepishly. "My dad got me started when I was seven. I stopped for a while after the fire, but look, I'm fine."

I gape at him. _Seven? _"That's bull, Matt. You don't look _fine, _you know."

He glares at me. "So what? Why don't you just go throw yourself into the Kira case again? Or do you need me to hack again for you?" his voice is bitter.

"What are you _talking _about?" I snap.

"Why are you here?"

"I was looking for you."

"Why?"

"Why can't I look for my best friend when he's missing?"

His eyes go dull behind his goggles. "I'm not missing, Mello. You're the one who's missing."

"You aren't making any sense Matt."

He sighs. "I know."

I lean against the wall, trying to control my frustration. "What are you even thinking right now?"

"That this is the longest time you've talked to me in about three weeks," he mutters, and I don't think he really wanted me to hear that. I'm about to says something, when he continues.

"And that this case… it's changed you. It's made you ignorant. Not that it matters." His voice is still quiet. I have to strain to hear him over the chilling wind blowing in my ears.

"Could you elaborate, please," I say. Something about his tone makes me suddenly cautious. He sounds upset, but I can't place his exact emotions.

He sighs again. "No. There's no point."

I growl. "Goddamnit, Matt! You're being very infuriating right now."

"Yeah, but it doesn't matter. Trust me, it doesn't."

"Well whatever you _do _feel like explaining, please do it soon, because I plan to leave as soon as Higuchi gets caught and they figure out how he kills people. I have a feeling that there could be another Kira out there, or there will be if his power does indeed pass between people."

At this Matt makes a small choking sound, and he coughs on the smoke. _Serves him right for smoking. _ "You're _leaving _that soon?" I'm taken aback by the sudden desperation in his voice.

"Yeah. I've got what I need, so there's no point for me to stay."

I want to have Matt with me, but I know I can't. Matt should understand this. _Why does he look so shattered? _He looks like I just slapped him.

His voice is hollow when he speaks again. "Oh. I get it." His eyes, which have always betrayed his every emotion, are displaying a mix of orange tinted feelings. He shifts his head slightly, and the glare of the grey light from the clouds falls over the lenses.

"Get what?" I can't help but ask.

He leans back against the wall and looks up at the cloudy sky, a small, bitter smile forming on his face. "You're right, you know, I probably should hate you. You certainly couldn't care less." Hearing him say that stings; leaves a bite that I know will hurt for a while. But if he believes that then he won't care if I leave.

"But you know what, Mello? I don't hate you. I can't."

I scowl. "Yeah, you'll hate me eventually. That's why I'm not taking you with me."

He shakes his head sadly. "Mello, you don't understand. I really _can't _hate you. I don't want you to leave, either."

"What reason do you have to want me around?" Why can't he just give me a straight answer?

Suddenly he turns on me. His eyes are burning, with what looks like anger and misery at the same time. _What?_

"You really don't get it Mello? Is that really what you think? That I don't care? That I'll be _fine _after being left_ again_, that I could hate you? _That's _what you think? I'm just that person that everyone disposes of, aren't I? I should _know _better by now, but I guess I don't! I _won't _hate you Mello, even if I should."

Matt usually has endless patience, and he's always calm and collected. But now, he looks… the only words I can think of are broken and angry.

I don't like seeing Matt like this.

_What does he mean, left again? The person that everyone disposes of? What the fuck is he going on about? I don't understand anything he's saying, Goddamnit! I wish I could just read his mind. That would make things a lot easier. _

"Matt," I begin, struggling not to growl at him. "What are you saying? You don't know what you're going to think of me months from now. I'll do what I have to beat Near and become the next L. Matt, I'm going to be doing things that-"

"Near." He interrupts, all the anger leaving his tone. "It's all about beating Near. So you know what, fine. _I'll _leave, because I don't care about this Kira crap. I only got into it to help _you_, and obviously you don't need my help anymore. I'll leave so that _you _can go on and beat Near. That's what you want, isn't it? Fine."

I stare at him. "Why the fuck would you do that? Matt, you're going back to Wammy's! I'm leaving. It won't be long until you see me for who I really am, anyway. Why are you _doing _this?"

He stares at me for a second. He looks defeated. "Because, Mello. I love you."

There is a long pause as that slowly clicks into my head. "_What?"_ I snarl. The second the word leaves my mouth, I can almost see him breaking. "Matt, where the _hell _did you-"

"Exactly…" he cuts me off, "... _Mihael, _I'm not lying. I didn't tell you for a reason. I'm going now. I don't want to get in your way." As he walks past me, I can see his eyes again.

Pain.

I should move. I should stop him, but I don't. I let the sound of his footsteps fade, trying to get my mind to work again. The last thing I was expecting was for Matt to say _that. _

I slide down the wall and sit, resting my head in my hand and trying to put my thoughts in order.

I am such a fucking ass.

Should I have realized? Yes. Did I just ruin everything? Yes. My head snaps up. _Matt._

Am I about to let the only person I've ever been close to leave?

No.

**Matt POV**

_Why did I do that? Why on Earth did I let myself tell him everything? I don't even know where half of that came from! _I lean my head against the wall, my goggles pushed up into my hair, wishing I could just stick my head into my vest and pretend I didn't just mess up really, really badly. _Why the fuck do I always have to ruin everything? _

Mello hates me now.

That sends an all-too-real ache to my chest. It feels like someone is repeatedly sending a nail through my chest and taking the breath from my lungs. I guess this is what you'd call "heartbreak."

No, I've been heartbroken before. This is worse.

_I ruined everything. _

I want to punch a hole through the wall, but I know that won't do anything to help. I should just hurry up and pack my bag so I can get out of here. I move away from the wall and grab my backpack. I never bothered to take the clothes I got after the fire at Wammy's out of it, so I just stick my Gameboy in the pocket. I'm moving blindly, not really paying attention to what I'm doing.

My vision is blurry, and I instinctively rub my eyes to clear them.

They're wet. Great.

I swallow back the pointless tears and zip my bag, noticing that my hands are shaking slightly. _I'm pathetic. I'm practically falling apart, damn it. Get it the fuck together, Matt!_

There is no reason for me to stay here, in fact, I doubt I can for a number of reasons. But my feet refuse to move. I stare blankly at the black bag on my bed for a few minutes before I tear my eyes away and throw one strap over my shoulder.

_I've been left before, how is this any different? Why can't I just get up and walk away? Why is it _like _this? _So many questions, some of them I know the answer too, and others I know are pointless to ask.

I step out of what is now just Mello's room and shut the door behind me. I hesitate again, staring blankly ahead of me. My hand doesn't want to let go of the doorknob. _Matt, just fucking leave already. _But before I can move, my bag is suddenly ripped off of my shoulder and thrown out of my line of sight. I try to move away, but someone is holding my shoulders so I can't get away.

"Matt, if you leave, I'm going to have to hunt you down and drag you back," Mello growls in my ear.

I feel like I'm choking. "M-Mello, what are you-" His hand flies up to stop me from talking.

"Listen… please." I just shut my eyes. _What do you want, Mello? Why do you have to do this? I'm on my way out anyway._

"I don't really know how to explain this…" He sounds incredibly frustrated. "Matt, I know I've ignored you. I was _trying _to make it so it would be easy to leave. I _should _have realized…"

His hand falls from my face. "What?" I ask blankly, inwardly cursing how hollow and defeated my tone is.

"I was trying to convince myself that I don't love you too, Matty,"he says softly.

I think logic stopped being logical, or that my ability to think straight up and left. Maybe the world started turning the wrong way, because nothing wants to make sense anymore.

Mello doesn't wait for me to say anything. "You probably don't believe me," he murmurs. "I messed up, didn't I?" I open my mouth, trying to answer him, but of course all that comes out is a kind of choked whimper. He pulls my shoulders so I'm facing him. _I want to believe him, but…_

"I'm sorry Matty."

My head falls against his shoulder, and his arms wrap around me. _I want to believe you, Mello, but…_

"Mello…" I mumble into his shoulder. "Please don't leave." My hand curls around his shirt. _If I'm going to be left again… _

"I won't."

I believe him.

Mello pushes me back a few inches and waits till I look up at him. I'm suddenly unable to stop myself from tugging Mello closer to me. His face is less than two inches from mine, and I blink, realizing that I was just about to kiss him. I freeze, and look down, blushing.

"Sorry, I… Mm…" I try to apologize, but Mello interrupts me by closing the remaining distance between us. I feel like I've just been shocked. My skin tingles, and my heart skips a beat.

"You taste like smoke, you know," he murmurs a few moments later, pulling away.

"Sorry," I say unapologetically.

He sighs, and his breath washes over me. "I have a feeling it's better to keep this… between us."

I nod. He's right, we should be careful. We don't have the best situation.

_But… Mello loves me. As long as I know that…_

I should be happy, but one little doubt keeps casting a huge shadow over my thoughts.

_What if I'm left again?_

**READREADREAD: I didn't plan to have them get together in this chapter, OR in this way, but this chapter sort of wrote itself. I kept it, because I think now actually is a good time for them to get together (it has been 19 chapters, has it not? Oh my God it's been 19 chapters.)and when a story writes itself, well, you tend to keep it. Call it fate if you want. **

**HOWEVER (very important): I'm not sure that I LIKE how it went. It seems very OOC to me, although I like the idea of Matt finally confessing everything in the way he did. I dunno, because originally I had planned to wait for a while longer. BUT I'm getting impatient because I want to move on to the next part and for that two things need to happen: Light needs to become Kira again and Matt and Mello need to get together. **

**FYI I originally didn't plan to have any big OCs, but I recently came up with a BRILLIANT idea to make the plot VERY interesting for Matt and Mello, and I think it will help tie them into the Kira part of the plot, because now it's like there's two different worlds going on. **

**And there's no way Mello would come up with a pet name like Matt-Cat, which I think is SO CUTE! Kya! I have to use it! *squeals* I have NO patience for my story! **

**Okay, Cloudy, shut up before you spoil the thing for your readers. **

**One more thing I have to say because I am frustrated: The last section of this chapter literally took my like two hours to write, because I kept changing things and I keep getting sidetracked by adding Backstreet Boys songs to my favorites on YouTube.**

**I seriously am like, in freaking love with the Backstreet Boys. OHMAHGAWD they're releasing a new album in 2013! Yes, they are. I KNOW RIGHT?**

**CLOUDY. SHUT UP!**

**I'm sorry. Thanks for reading my thoughts if you are still here. **


	20. Chapter 20

**I'm changing the title again soon... yup. I decided the title is too lengthy and annoying to read, so i'm shortening it to just "Complications". Yeah, its really bad to change the title, but I think it's batter and I just HAVE to do it.**

**Light POV**

The sheer number of thoughts running through my head blinds me. I'm not even aware that I'm yelling until I stop, panting and staring blankly out the window.

"Uh, are you okay Light-kun? I suppose seeing that monster would surprise anyone."

"Ryuzaki…"

"Yes?"

"I want to check this out. I'm going to compare the names written in this notebook with the names of the victims." My fingers fly over the keyboard.

"Oh, right. Yeah, that sounds like a good idea."

I feel my mouth turn up at the corners. _I've _won!_ Exactly as planned, Rem followed my instructions perfectly. I have to kill Higuchi without letting go of this notebook. If I manage to do that, ownership will transfer back to me, and my memories won't disappear. _My free hand goes to my watch. _I just have to pull this four times in less than a second… _The bottom slides open, revealing a tiny piece of paper from the notebook. _Got it. Just as I expected, I'm wearing this watch. Old habits die-hard. _

All that fills my mind is pure pleasure. Everything has gone my way. I am closer than ever to ruling the New World. I prick my finger, ignoring the prick of pain, and use my blood as ink.

"Mr. Yagami, please take Higuchi to the car," L instructs through his headset. I want to laugh, but I can't.

"You know, about this notebook… I wonder what we would find if we put it through forensic analysis."

"That doesn't sound like you Light-kun. We both know this thing is beyond science."

"Yeah, you're right." I look up, watching as Higuchi is lead to the car. _This has to be the longest forty seconds of my life. _As the second-hand on my watch marks the end of my wait, a strange feeling comes over me, and I know I've done it. Higuchi doubles over, choking.

"What the _hell? _What's happening?" I exclaim. He slumps over. "Dad, what are you doing? We can't lose him! If Higuchi dies on us now…"

"It's impossible," he cries into the headset. L looks with wide eyes through the window.

"There's nothing I can do. He's already dead."

_Yes, he's already dead. And you're next, Ryuzaki…_

And then I remember everything else. Everything that stands in Kira's way, everything that is out to keep the New World from forming: the skinny detective that I am in love with. L.

For a second, Kira leaves my mind and I stare at L, horror and shock spreading through my mind. _Did I really just think that? How could I suggest that I _kill _L? _If the thought of him using me was painful, then this is torture.

_ What am I _thinking? _I am Kira! I will be God of the New World. L will die! _I can already feel two sides forming in my head: power-hungry, logical Kira, and the irrational side of me that has feelings for L. I can feel the contradicting impulses, one which tells me to do whatever I can to win, and another that tells me to get as far away from the notebook in my hands as possible.

I am not sure which one is stronger.

. . .

In the day since Higuchi died and I regained my memories, have only become more and more conflicted. _I am Kira. I will do what I have to do to win. I will be God. _

"If this all centers on the supernatural, how are we supposed to solve this? We know there's another Kira, but does knowing how he kills really make this any easier?" Mello glares at the notebook lying on the table. Near, Matt, and Mello absolutely refused to leave, saying that they were going to help catch Kira and that they _were _going to touch that notebook. Well, Near did most of the reasoning, Mello the defiant glaring, and Matt pretty much stayed immersed in his game the whole time, except to tell Rem that she looks like something that belongs in a video game, not real life. _He doesn't seem to like the idea of the supernatural being behind this. _

"How to use it…it says here that the human whose name is written in this notebook… shall _die,_" Aizawa says grimly. _Of course, the rules. _I smirk at my computer.

"This note will not take effect unless the writer has the person's face in mind, therefore people sharing the same name will not be affected. If the cause of death is written within forty seconds of writing the person's name, it will happen. If the cause of death is not specified, the person will simply die of a heart attack. After writing the cause of death, details of the death should be written in the next six minutes and forty seconds. As well, the back cover has more instructions on how to use it. There are two more rules, one of them is: If you make this note unusable by tearing it up or burning it, all humans who have touched the notebook shall die."

_Yes, with a rule like that in place, the notebook's safety is guaranteed, which means my memories of it will remain. _

"Oh man," Matsuda sighs. "Maybe I shouldn't have let my curiosity about seeing a shinigami get the better of me!"

"Maybe, but then you would be the only one in the investigation that didn't know what we were dealing with. Is that what you want?"

"Uh, no! Of course not! I want to be on the same page as everyone else on the Task Force, chief."

"And then… there's this last rule." _Yes… _"According to these instructions at the back of the book, if the person using the book fails to consecutively write names of people to be killed within thirteen days of each other, then the user will die."

I wait for that to sink in. "Wait a second!" Matsuda exclaims. "If that's true then that means Light and Misa-Misa are completely cleared, doesn't it?"

"Yeah, now that you mention it, that's right. Light and Misa were detained for more than fifty days and are still under surveillance. If either of them had been Kira, there's no way they would be alive by now."

"That's great news, isn't it chief?"

"Yeah."

L shifts in his chair. "Rem, was it? That's your name, isn't it, the white thing over there?"

"Uh, Ryuzaki," Matsuda mutters, "Isn't it a bit rude to go around calling someone a white thing?"

"What do you want?" Rem says over Matsuda.

"There's more than one notebook in the human world, isn't there?"

"Who knows? There may be and there may not be."

L lifts a plastic cup to eyes level. "If there are other notebooks, either here or in your world, would they all have the same rules as this one?"

_You're wasting your time, Ryuzaki. You'll never get Rem to admit these rules are fake. _

"Yes, they are all the same. There are many notebooks in the shinigami realm, but they all have the same rules, even the rules for when humans obtain them."

Aizawa walks forward. "Ryuzaki, Miss Amane and light have both been cleared of suspicion. They shouldn't be under surveillance any longer."

"That's right, it's crystal clear!" Matsuda agrees.

"I suppose you're right…" he pauses. "I understand. Please, accept my apologies for all the trouble."

"Thank goodness," Soichiro puts his hand on my shoulder.

I stand. "Yeah, but we still haven't solved the case. Would it be alright if I kept investigating with you, but without the handcuffs on?" I'm not sure if I'm doing this because it's all part of Kira's plan, or because I don't think I can just leave L like that.

"Yes."

_And just like that, Misa and I are proven innocent. A notebook of death with rules written by a shinigami. He has no choice but to believe it. He just lost his edge… Listen, Ryuzaki, no matter what the world the God of that world creates the rules; in truth, you've already been defeated by the rules I create, and as punishment for defying the God of the New World, you will die._

I blink. _There it is again! I can't kill him! What am I saying?_

Exactly, what am I saying? I will be God. If I am going to rid the world of evil, L must be eliminated.

Whatever feelings I have need to be dispelled. They do not mean anything.

Unfortunately, the rest of me refuses to listen to logic.

. . .

I glance at the cameras behind me. _Good, there are surveillance cameras, but they won't be able to pick up my face or mouth from this angle. _

"Misa," I murmur. "I'm going to tell you about a special place. I need you to go there and dig something up, but you have to make sure that no one is watching." _Misa will find her Death Note, as well as the note I left her. When she reads it… L will die. _

I am so tempted to tell her to disregard the note, but irrational emotions cannot get in the way of Kira. I instruct Misa on where to go, and watch her leave. I almost go after her, but I force myself to turn around and go back into the building.

"Light-kun, is something wrong?" Ryuzaki asks a few minutes after I return to my seat. I realize I was staring off into space, scowling.

"No, I'm fine, Ryuu," I murmur. But really, I feel like my thoughts are raging a war on each other, and neither side is winning. My emotions and Kira are going to fight till both of them lie dead.

_I love L, but I just sent Misa to kill him! Why did I _do _that? _

Because I'm Kira. I will be God. This world is tainted, and I will create a new one. Anyone who stands in my way will be rid of. That includes the Task Force and L.

I rest my head in my hand, trying to subdue my thoughts so I can deal with it later, but I'm not doing a very good job.

"Light-kun, maybe you should go home for today. You don't look too good."

"I'm _fine,_" I insist, wishing that he didn't sound so genuinely worried. I get up and walk over to the notebook lying on the table. I flip through it, looking at the names Higuchi had written. _Everything has worked out in my favor. This is what I had planned. So why are things so difficult? _

I know the answer, but I don't like it.

Rem watches me, and I know that she is only here for Misa's sake. If Misa dies, she will reveal my secret and kill me. As annoying as Misa is, I need her. She is a valuable weapon, although I need to be careful with her. She is careless.

She is bound to me by her wish to help me in any way she can, if only so she can be with me. I never thought I would find someone who I was actually interested in.

I did, but in the worst place possible.

If I am to succeed, I have no choice but to end L. But I feel that if I do that, I'll be getting rid of part of myself too.

. . .

_Misa doesn't remember his name. _I sit on my bed, back in my room for the first time in several months, staring at the floor. I'm not sure whether to be incredibly relieved or incredibly frustrated.

_"Light-kun, aren't you going home with your father?" L asked me. _

_ "Oh, yeah." I stood to follow my father out, and so did L. _

_ "Something's bothering you, Light-kun. I wish you would tell me," he murmured, stepping close to me. _

_ I sighed. "I'm just a little out of it today, but I'm fine. Really."_

_ He glanced to the door, making sure the others had their backs turned, before planting a swift kiss on my mouth. "If you say so. See you tomorrow, Light-kun."_

I honestly didn't want to leave. I've gotten used to always being around L. I'm used to having him constantly by my side. I have no doubt in my mind that I miss him. I absently rub my wrist, which is still unused to the freedom it now has. I don't miss the cold metal, but I do miss what was at the other end of it.

And it's been all of three hours.

_I think I'm going insane. I don't have time for this! Misa may not remember his name, but that is a minor setback. I need to focus on killing L so I can proceed to shape the New World!_

"Light, it's time for dinner!" Sayu calls. I stand up and open my door. Sayu grins at me, and I return with a small smile.

"Thank you, Sayu." I follow her down the stairs. Sachiko bustles around the kitchen.

"It's been so long since we've had a family dinner!" she sighs. "It can't be helped. We're all here now, that's what matters. Sit down, Light dear!"

"Are you sure you don't want help, Mom?"

"I've got it." She pushes me to my chair and sets a plate down on the table. Sayu rambles, and I pretend to be interested. _I wish I could just be alone for a bit. Since I got back my family have been all over me._

"Light, tell us about the Kira case!" I blink at her then turn to Dad.

"What happened to keeping them from knowing?" I ask him. "I thought we didn't want to worry them!"

"We figured it out, dear. We knew that your father was working on it, and so we figured that you were too."

I sigh. "It's not over, you know. I'm still going to be at Headquarters a lot until we finally solve this case." _Once I get rid of L, I can create the New World. Innocent people like my family won't have to worry about things anymore. _

Once I get rid of L, I'll be broken. But that's not important, is it.

After dinner, I head back up to my room, slightly surprised to see Ryuk sitting on my bed.

"Hey Light, got any apples?"

"No, sorry Ryuk."

He grumbles something, getting up and floating behind me as I walk to my desk.

"What'cha doing?"

I put my head in my hands, blocking out the light from my lamp. "Trying to think."

"Oh." I can hear him moving, but I don't lift my head. "So, Misa doesn't remember L's name. She has the eyes now, though. Why haven't you had her kill him yet?"

"She hasn't seen his face again."

"You could use a picture."

I glare at him. "I don't have a picture, Ryuk."

"Someone's in a bad mood tonight."

"Can you please be quiet?" I snap. He's quiet, but after a few minuets, he starts laughing quietly.

"Hyuk, hyuk, hyuk."

I sigh irritably. "_What _is so funny, Ryuk?"

"Heh, heh, heh. I just realized something, Light."

I don't say anything. I just glare at him, waiting.

"You don't _want _to kill L, do you?"

Considering that I don't know myself what I want, this angers me. I scowl. "Of course I want him dead! He is the only thing that stands in my way!"

"But if that were true, he'd be dead by now. What about your plan to use Rem's feelings against her, hmm?"

"I haven't had a chance to put that into action yet."

"It sounds to me like you're making excuses. But why?" he continues chuckling.

"I'm not making excuses. Now, if I go down and get you an apple will you shut up?"

"Oh, apples! Yes!" I stand up and stalk out of my room, trying to ignore Ryuk as he shadows me out of my room. I grab the brightest apple I can find, nod to Sayu, and return to my room. I toss the apple behind me. It doesn't hit the ground.

"Yum! I love apples," Ryuk says through a mouthful of fruit.

"You said you'd be quiet," I remind him.

"Sorry."

**L POV**

Light has acted _off _ever since he touched the notebook. I am worried about him. I'm worried about this case. I'm worried that Mello and Near are going to get themselves killed. And, despite everything that goes against it, my instincts are still screaming at me that Light is Kira, and that he is very close to killing me.

I stare at the tea in front of me. It has long since gone cold, and I have no wish to drink it. I hear footsteps, and I turn my chair. Near stands behind me, and I blink.

"What's wrong, Near?"

"Just a question…have you gotten any reports from Watari or Roger about the orphanage?"

"Yes, they say that the reconstruction is underway. But Near, I know that you do not particularly wish to return. So why do you ask?"

He twirls a lock of hair. "I was just curious."

I smile slightly and ruffle his hair. I like having the three here. I've always liked Near and Mello, Matt too, and it's nice to have them as company.

"I know you still think that Light Yagami is Kira," he says suddenly. I feel the smile fall from my face. I sigh.

"It's the only thing that makes sense.'"

"I agree. I wonder..." he pauses. "As long as you don't damage the notebook, could you still alter certain things about it, say add fake rules or such?"

"I wondered the same thing, but it's safest to say that they are genuine for the time being."

He nods, and I withdraw my hand from his hair. "How much work have you been doing under my nose?"

"No more than Matt and Mello."

"So you've hacked on too, then?"

"I looked at their computer."

"Ow!" Comes Matt's voice from behind the stairs.

"I told you he'd gotten on!" Mello growls, stepping out from the shadows. Matt follows him, rubbing his head.

"Well I'm _sorry," _he mutters, looking up at me. "Thanks for making my job harder," he says sarcastically. "I spent a good three hours getting through your "extra precautions."

I shrug. "I knew you would hack the files anyway. I also knew that Near would find a way to get them." Mello glowers at Near. _Mello's hatred is obviously one-sided. He's almost too ambitious for his own good. _

"See, Mels? What did I tell you? It's no good trying to do anything in secret around here."

"Look who's talking," Mello murmurs, and Matt suddenly looks away. _Something happened with those two. They're acting different too, slightly. Is everyone hiding something? _

"I thought it would be quiet with Light and the others gone, but I see I was wrong," I muse.

"Oh, are we annoying you?" Mello immediately asks, looking a little worried.

"No, quite the opposite, actually."

"Oh." _I missed you three more than you realize. You aren't just people who will take over my job. I've always felt responsible for all of you. _

"There's someone at the entrance," near announces, pointing at the video feed of the front doors. A small girl with dark hair is slipping through the doors. She looks around for a second, then her eyes lock on the security camera. She points toward the next set of doors, clearly asking for entrance. I turn my chair around and press the intercom button.

"This is the Task Force Headquarters. I'm afraid I can't let you in," I say politely. She shakes her head and crosses her arms.

"Who is this girl?" I mutter. Matt looks up from his game, and frowns.

"You know, she looks really familiar," he murmurs. "But I've never seen her before, I know that." He steps closer to the screen.

"Please go to the second set of doors and press the black button. That will let us hear you. Why are you here?" I say over the intercom. She follows my instructions, and her voice comes through.

"I'm looking for someone, I think his name is Matt."

Matt stares at her face on the screen. "_Me? _She seems so familiar… Do you think you could let her in?"

"It could be a bad idea," Near warns him.

He frowns again. "Yeah, but…"

"It's fine. She can't bring anything dangerous in, anyway." I press the button again. "Okay, I'll let you in, but you'll have to go through security."

She nods, and I press the switch to open the doors. I watch through the security cameras as she goes through the detectors, and she doesn't have any weapons on her. I don't turn around when she enters, but the others do.

There is a moment of silence, then she speaks again. "I apologize, I know that this is not ideal. But let me explain." I turn my chair around. The girl looks about ten, with her hands clasped at her front, holding a few squares of paper held by a clip. Her Japanese is accented, like Mello, Matt, and Near's.

"Please, can we avoid Japanese? It makes my head hurt after a while," Mello grumbles in English. She blinks, and nods.

"Of course. My name is Sheila Reeves…"

"Reeves?" Matt breathes. I glance at him, and he looks like Sheila just slapped him. He's clenching his hands around his game, turning his knuckles white.

"…I'm looking for someone named Aaron." She turns to Matt. "I think you knew him?"

Matt nods slowly. "I'm sorry, but I have no idea where your brother is."


	21. Chapter 21

**OKAY REAL QUICK: NO I'm not planning to, but I'm just wondering… how many of you would stop reading/un-favorite if I kill Near? Ha-ha I promise I'm not planning to. I'm just curious. If you guys like him, I'll try to find him a bigger place in the plot.**

**Matt POV**

I feel like I've just been punched in the stomach. I knew she looks familiar. I should have known instantly who she looks like. _Aaron, you had a sister, huh? Thanks for not telling me. I would've sought her out after you left. You did that on purpose. _

Sheila looks disappointed. She's probably desperate to find him. "You don't? I thought that _you _of all people…" her voice trails off.

I shake my head. "Nah, he didn't tell me anything but that he 'had to go'," I say bitterly. She sighs.

"Same here. I wish he'd told me about you, though. Would've made my life easier."

"He didn't tell me that he had a sister. How did you find me?" She holds out the papers in her hand, and I take them. They're photos.

My breath catches. I remember when these were taken. I shuffle through them, remembering when he pulled out a camera from nowhere and snapped a bunch of pictures of me.

I look slightly younger, but gaunt. I can see a shadow of a bruise on my shoulder, and I know that there were marks all over my arms at the time, hiding under my gloves.

I stare at the last one. Aaron is laughing with his dark hair all messed up like always, one arm hooked over my shoulders to keep me next to him. I flip it over, not wanting to look at it. On the back, in his messy scrawl, are just a few words: _Matt-Cat. (You like that better than Mail, don't you?) _I lower the pictures and hold them out to Sheila.

"Yeah, there aren't many people with my name," I murmur.

"It wasn't hard to find out who you were, but tracking you down was a whole other story. And you should keep those."

"Right." I slip them in my pocket and open my mouth to say something, when Mello cuts in.

"I'm sorry to interrupt, but what the Hell is going on, Matty?" he snaps. I glance at him, just now remembering that Near, Mello, and L haven't the slightest clue as to what's going on.

"Sorry. This is the sister of someone I knew, Aaron, before coming to Wammy's. About a year and… three months ago? Four? Something like that. Anyway, about that time he sort of disappeared. I would have looked for him, but I was… unable to at the time."

Sheila glances from me to the others and back, obviously catching on to my wish to tell only half the truth. "He told me, both of us, apparently, that he had to go for a while. He didn't say if he'd be back, or why, or where he was going. I waited a bit, but after a few months I started looking for him. All I knew was that he knew someone named Mai- _Matt," _she corrects herself. "Shortly after I started looking for him, I managed to find out who he was and started trying to find him."

"I'm surprised you couldn't," I mutter.

"It's not as easy as it sounds," she informs me. "Anyway, I had hoped that Matt here might know the whereabouts of my brother, but apparently not."

Mello glares at her. "Do you have any idea where he might be?"

Sheila shakes her head, not faltering under his glowering gaze. "No."

_If Aaron had cared he would have told us more. Why is she looking for him? I would have if I could have too, but not for this long. I've tried to forget about all of this, why is it still following me? _

I don't like remembering being left alone, with absolutely no one to light up my darkness. That made my Hell so much harder.

Sheila looks over Near, Mello, and L for a few moments then returns her attention to me.

"I'm sorry, but I had to know," she says quietly.

I shake my head. "I would have done the same."

"If I do find out where he is, do you want me to contact you?"

I think about this for a second. 'Yeah, I suppose I would really love to know where he went… why he thought he had to do what he did," I murmur. She nods and slips a hand into her pocket. She hands me a slip of folded paper and then addresses the others.

"Again, I apologize for this. I should go now. I do have one other idea…" she bows her head politely, and turns to leave.

"Are you sure you wish to leave now? It's very late," L glances at the clock.

She shakes her head. "Thank you, but I really must be going."

"Very well."

Right now, I'm a little numb. I watch her blankly as she heads out of the building

"Matt?" Mello asks when the door closes. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," I lie. "Why?"

"Because you look like you've seen a ghost."

"Oh." I can't think of anything else to say.

L puts his thumb to his mouth. "Hmm."

I rub my eyes. _I need to think. _"I'm tired, Mels. I'm going to sleep."

"Okay…" He follows me to the elevator.

"Goodnight," L calls, then says something to Near that I don't catch.

"Night," I mutter, staring blankly at the floor. In the elevator, I can feel Mello's eyes burning into me, but I ignore it until we're in our room, away from the cameras.

"What?" I ask him.

Mello looks at me for a second before wrapping his arms around me. "You don't want to tell me everything, I know, but I wish you'd at least explain a little more," he grumbles.

"I know. But I need to think, okay?" I mutter. He nods, and lets me go. I slip into the bathroom with my pajamas and lock the door. I need a minute.

I stare at myself in the mirror, and pull the pictures from my pocket. I glance through them again, before stuffing them back in my pocket and throwing off my clothes and picking up my sweats. I shiver; it really is cold in this building.

After picking up my clothes, I unlock the door and step out. Mello is sitting on his bed, already changed, an untouched chocolate bar in his hand.

I drop my clothes in the corner by my bed and pull my goggles off my head, setting them on the bedside table. I try to stifle a yawn, but fail miserably. Although I have a lot on my mind, I'm exhausted. It's almost midnight.

I pull the blanket over my shoulders and flop my head on my pillow.

"I'm going' to sleep," I murmur, reaching up to turn my light off. The room is dark, and I shut my eyes. Less than a minute later, though, I hear the mattress across from me rustle. I open my eyes, and in the dim light coming from behind the window blinds, I make out the shape of Mello bending over me.

"Mels? Is something wrong?" I mumble.

"No," he whispers, and suddenly his hand is under my chin, turning my head so his mouth meets mine. For a few seconds, he stays there, and I can feel my heart pounding.

"Night, Matty," he murmurs before returning to his bed.

I think I'm lying on air, the taste of Mello's chocolate breath lingering on my tongue.

**Mello POV**

It doesn't take long for Matt's breathing to slow, letting me know he's asleep. I wait a few minuets more before turning on my light. Matt doesn't move, except for the light rise and fall of the blanket across his chest. I could probably watch him sleep all night, but I have something to do.

I don't like that Sheila girl. Something's not right about all this. Matt isn't telling us everything. Whoever Aaron is, there's more to his story than either of them let on, and I want to find out. This may not do much, but I'm _sure _that it will at least explain _something. _

I quietly slip off of my bed and reach for Matt's jeans lying in a crumpled heap on the floor by his bed. Matt probably has a reason for not showing me the papers Sheila gave him, but I have to know.

It's still all in his pocket, so I pull them out. It's a small stack of photos; about ten or fifteen I would guess. I shuffle through them. It takes me a second to realize what I'm seeing.

A slightly younger looking Matt looks back at me, with the same striped shirt, orange goggles, and gloves, but I can see purple and yellowish marks along his shoulders, peeking out from his collar.

Whoever took these photos obviously surprised him. In the first one, he's still looking at his Gameboy, but as they progress he looks up and tries to block the camera's view of him. He looks annoyed, embarrassed, and amused all at the same time. And then I see the last one.

A dark-haired boy, a bit older than Matt, has his arm draped over Matt's neck. He _has_ to be Aaron. The similarity between him and Sheila is undeniable. The only difference is that his eyes are bright, pale green and hers are dark. His arm is stretched out, apparently holding the camera, and he's laughing. Matt's goggles are askew, and he looks somewhat sheepishly at the camera, fighting a smile.

I stare at it for a long time, my mind whirring.

It's all starting to make sense now; Matt's seemingly constant worry that I'm going to leave, the holes left in his and Sheila's story, and just who this Aaron was.

I flip the picture over slowly. There's writing on the back of this one, written messily. _Matt-Cat (You like that better than Mail, don't you?) _

There's no doubt in my mind.

This _Aaron _was not just someone Matt knew. This _Aaron _left Matt, without giving him any answers or reasons. This _Aaron _left Matt alone to deal with his fucked up family.

Matt _loved _this _Aaron. _

I slip the pictures back into the pocket and put his jeans back. I return to my bed, glaring at my chocolate.

_Should I ask Matt about him? _Knowing Matt, he probably wouldn't tell me much. He'd probably say that it wasn't important, or just repeat what he said earlier tonight.

_But why didn't he tell me about him? I don't care if he's had other relationships, he should know that. Did Matt deem him unimportant? No, that's not what he thinks. He seems too eager not to talk about him…_

I think this Aaron hurt my Matty more than he'd ever admit. But he's gone now. He shouldn't be haunting Matt anymore. Suddenly I'm angry with Sheila for coming, even though I know she just want's to find her brother. But if he really did leave without a good reason, then does he deserve to be found? If he left people who care about him without telling them when, _if, _he'd be back, does he deserve to have people that care about him?

Then again, he must be, or have been if he's dead, a good person if he still has someone looking for him. But I can't forget the look on Matt's face when he heard his name, or his expression when he found out I was planning to leave soon. This boy left Matt, alone.

I will _not _do that.

I'll admit I still feel like a complete bastard. I'm still beating myself up for not realizing what I was really feeling, and then treating Matt like I don't want him around.

I don't know how long Matt has actually had feelings for me, but I would assume he's been hiding them for a while. I honestly don't know how long ago I started liking Matt, but I don't think it was very long, because I would have figured it out.

I look over at Matt again. He probably hoped to sleep peacefully tonight, but I can't tell his sleep isn't very restful. He twitches a few times, and he whimpers quietly. _How many nightmares can one kid have? _

Matt's always had nightmares, since the night day at Wammy's. Now that I know about his past, I really can't blame him. That bastard of a father he had probably scarred him for life, top that off with all the other bull he's gone through.

I don't want to hurt Matt, but I'm scared that no matter what I do, I'm going to end up doing so. I can only escape _my _past for so long. At some point, I'll end up back where I started. At some point, I'll go back to the people I hate most, just to get what I want. I can't escape it; I can't run from it forever. And I fear that when my past catches up to me, Matt will either leave me, or I'll hurt him. One or both of those happening is likely… too likely.

Matt whimpers again, and I walk over to him. He might look innocent and peaceful in his undisturbed sleep, but when he has nightmares he tends to curl up into a little ball and looks so defenseless it's heart wrenching, really.

"…Knew you'd leave," he mumbles, his hand clenching into a fist. "…Not like anyone wants me…" I freeze at his words, my hand partially outstretched to wake him. I remember what he said just over a week ago.

_"…I'm just the person that everyone disposes of! I should know better by now, but I guess I don't!"_

Does he really think that? Has he really been treated that way his whole life? I can't help but picture a younger Matt, younger than the one in the pictures, sitting alone with no one but his pixellated characters for company while the only other people in his life, his parents, fight. While his twisted dad hurts him and his Mother for things that aren't their fault.

_"Things I couldn't control…"_

The true meaning to his words hits me like a slap in the face.

"There's no way you're serious," I growl quietly at his sleeping form.

_"…Everything typical of an abusive person; racist, sexist, homophobic…"_

"…Go on, go already…" Matt breathes in his sleep. _Fuck this. _I shake his shoulder trying to wake him. He mumbles something again, and his eyes flutter half-open.

"Matty, wake up." I shake his shoulder again, and suddenly his hands grab fistfuls of my shirt and his eyes open wide.

"Ah!" I gasp as his sudden movement jerks me forward. I grab one of his wrists in my left hand and steady myself with the other.

Matt blinks a few times, slowly loosening his grip. "Mello…" he mutters. His hands fall down onto his chest and he looks up at me, still confused.

"Sorry, Matt. I was trying to wake you up. You were talking in your sleep again."

"Oh…" he's still staring at me, realization slowly coming to his eyes.

I straighten up. "What's wrong?" I ask, worried by his expression.

"I'm fine, nothing's wrong." He shifts under his blanket. "Fucking nightmares, will they ever leave me alone?" he grumbles, mostly to himself.

"What was it about this time?" I ask tentatively, sitting down on his bed.

"…It's not important, it was just a dream," he says after a moment, although he sounds like he's trying to convince himself more than me. He doesn't meet my eyes, and he seems very focused on staring at a spot somewhere off in space.

I sigh, exasperated, but I do not want to pry into his nightly horrors. I just wish I could stop them.

He still won't look at me, but I don't take my eyes from him. He gets a look in his eyes when he wakes up from one of his hellish dreams. It's kind of a haunted, miserable look that he manages to only half-mask, and it honestly worries me to pieces. I like the snarky gamer-Matt, not the depressed ghost left from a childhood of abuse.

I don't really know what compels me to do it, but suddenly I reach forward and pull Matt up into my arms, holding his now stiff with surprise body close to mine. I wrap my arms around his shoulders and lower my head slightly to whisper in his ear,

"I know you don't want to, but don't you think telling someone will help stop the nightmares?" He doesn't answer, but I feel him melt into my chest. I wrap my arms tighter around him, and feel his hands twining with mine.

"I'll listen, Matty."

He just shudders, still refusing to tell me anything. Just when I give up, he mumbles something.

"It always changes… More or less the same concept, but it always changes."

"What do you mean?" I prompt him. He doesn't seem eager to share, but I want to know.

"I lose someone, or I'm hurt again, or someone I actually care or card about is hurt… something like that."

I let my finger trace circles on his side. "Loose someone?"

He hesitates for a long time. "Sometimes it's Mother, sometimes it's _you," _he pauses again. "Sometimes it is all flashbacks. But many times… it's my fault. Most of the time I'm the one who ruined everything. I suppose it's because it's true. I ruin everything. I always have. I _always _fuck things up…" he laughs once, absolutely no humor in his tone. "Maybe that's why I like technology. Real people are difficult, demanding… cruel even. They'll take your heart and act like they're keeping it safe, but then they'll take it and break it right before your eyes. Then they leave, because they don't want to stick around and watch you fall apart…" His bitter voice trails off. I think I want to shoot someone, particularly his "friend" Aaron. It's obvious to me that he's talking about him.

"Sorry," he mutters, hesitantly lifting his weight off of me, but before he can move away I tug him back.

"I told you," I growl, "that I'd listen, did I not?"

He leans his head back into me, pulling his knees up close to his chest, stifling a small yawn.

"You don't really want to hear me rambling on like a pathetic-"

"Yes I do," I snap, glaring down at him. "What exactly happened in your nightmare you just had?" I ask in a gentler tone.

"It's doesn't matter. You're _here_. It's unimportant," he sighs quietly, almost too softly for me to hear despite my closeness to him. "You're here."

And now I get what his nightmare was about.

"Yeah, and I'm not leaving. Not without you."

Matt cuts off another yawn and mumbles something that sounds like, "He said that too" but I don't know exactly what I heard.

I narrow my eyes and slip my hand under Matt's chin, turning his head. His eyes meet mine. I hate that I see unhappiness in them. _Whoever hurt him before is still hurting him now. If I ever meet that bastard he is going to get a bullet up his ass. _

"Matty, I mean it, I'm not fucking leaving without you," I insist, and when he opens his mouth to respond I cut him off with a kiss. It takes only a few moments for him to melt, and I feel him twist so he can wrap his arms around me. I pull away and he rests his head on my shoulder again.

"I believe you, Mels. Please don't make me regret that," he whispers into my shirt, his hands gently holding the sides of my shirt, almost as if he's trying to keep me from going anywhere. Not that I'm going to.

"I won't." I keep tracing small circles on his back now, and it isn't long before he turns his head and lets out a half-muffled yawn. I push him back on his pillow, but instead of returning to my bed I lie next to him, hoping that my presence will keep him from dwelling on his memories.

It seems to work, because it only takes a minute or two for Matt to snuggle closer to me, and another short expanse of time for his breathing to slow.

"Thanks, Mels," he murmurs sleepily.

"For what?" I ask, but he's already halfway to sleep. I wrap my arm around his shoulders, and I let out a yawn of my own.

It's weird the feeling Matt gives me. He almost completely breaches the tough wall I have up, and he is the only person who has access to my soft side. Especially when I see him like how he was a few minuets ago. I feel like I have to protect him from his own past, from his worst fears.

I wish I could protect myself from mine.

**Well with Halloween and crap I was busy, but now this is out. Listening to sad songs by Backstreet Boys really inspires angst, but you guys want fluff… Well, this sad side to Matt brings out the very rarely seen teddy bear side of Mello. It's so rare it probably doesn't REALLY exist. It's just a mirage… (OH PWETTY!)**

**ANYWAY about Aaron... YES he's important! You'll see! Kyah kyah kyah! (Creepy Ryuk laugh). There's a PLOT now for Matt and Mello! OH SNAP!**

**I was listening to Shattered by BSB when writing the last part of this chapter, which is where I got Matt's somewhat uncharacteristic thing about people leaving because they don't want to watch you fall apart, et cetera stuff.**

**By the way Shattered and Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely are like, AMAZING. I recommend all of their songs, but those two are my favorite sad ones. **

**Okay, no one cares, Cloudy. **


	22. Chapter 22

**Right. Near is sticking around for sure (I never planned to kill him, don't worry). But I need a bigger part for him…. HMMMMMM… Ah… uh… Any ideas? **

**No seriously, if any of you have something to do with Near that you want to see, feel free to let me know! Near is fair game, people. **

**I'll think of something.**

…**OH MY GOD. THAT IS SO PERFECT. (I literally, no joke, just thought of the solution as I'm writing this. How did I NOT think of this before?)**

**Kyah kyah kyah kyah kyah! Ohhhh I've thought of something alright! Ah, YES CLOUDY! **

**You are all like, WHAT? WHAT HAVE YOU THOUGHT OF?**

**Wellllll… I'm not telling. **

**Kyah kyah kyah!**

**Ryuk: Stop stealing my laugh.**

**Cloudy: KYAH. KYAH. KYAH.**

**Near: What on Earth are you laughing about?**

**Cloudy: Oh, little Near-kun! I'm far too excited about this, because no one but me is going to find this interesting, but HO I will enjoy every minute of this!**

**Near: What?**

**Cloudy: Too bad that it comes later in the plot… BUT I can start the ball rolling now! **

**Near: …**

**Cloudy: I have a place for you now! OH the magical glory! **

**Near: Hey Ryuk, can I borrow a piece of paper? **

**Cloudy: *****dances around in the background* Near-kun, you're going to catch the love bug sooner or later! **

**Matt: Can we please get on with the writing?**

**Mello: Seriously, this is getting annoying. **

**Near: Anyone got a pen?**

**L POV**

Matt hasn't said anything about the visit from Sheila Reeves, apparently the sister of someone he knew, and I haven't bothered to mention it to the Task Force. It isn't my business, so long as the investigation isn't threatened in any way.

Besides, I have plenty of my own problems to focus on, the first of which being my complete and utter idiocy.

I can't believe I let myself fall so hard for Light. I've gone through this with myself before, but now I'm beginning to wonder if I really have signed my death warrant.

I thought that that would be the worst case, but now I'm thinking that I may have gotten myself into something that will result in something worse than my death. Even though it's incredibly selfish to thing that, considering that the fate of the world technically lies in my hands. If I die, Kira has a better chance of winning. Yes, I have Mello and Near, but as of now I am Kira's main threat. If Kira were allowed to rule and dish out justice as he pleased, the results would be more disastrous than a world war.

The problem is, I fear that I may have handed my heart over to someone who will break it and walk away, uncaring, because they know that doing so would result in something worse than just dying for me. If Light is indeed Kira, and is just using me, he will use my own emotions against me.

I didn't realize until recently exactly what effect betrayal on Light's part would do to me.

If I die, well, I'll be dead. I won't feel, think, or have any form of consciousness. But if I'm _betrayed _it will have a very different outcome. I will be left with just broken pieces of something I thought couldn't be broken because no one could touch it. I don't know exactly how that will affect my work; either I'll throw myself into it to try and forget everything, or I'll be unable to think straight anymore.

I do not want to find out the answer to any of this. I am _scared _of the outcome.

I feel the hair on my neck being played with, and I turn my head, trying to look behind me.

"Light-kun? What's wrong?"

"That's what I was going to ask you." He moves his hands to the back of my chair. "You seem depressed lately."

"And you seem distracted." I twist further to bring my eyes to his. Light's eyes are guarded, but a lot more expressive than he allows when the rest of the Task Force is around. He looks genuinely worried about me.

The anxiety is mutual.

Suddenly my chair is turned around and Light's lips are crushing against mine, still holding the back of my chair. I react almost instantly, moving my mouth in time with his. I reach up and grab his shirt to pull him closer to me. I slip my feet down off my chair and stand up, not breaking away from him.

The elevator opens, and our heads snap to face it at the same time as Mello snaps,

"What… the… What the _fuck?" _He stares at us, Matt behind him, looking a lot less surprised than the blonde.

My hands are still clutching Light's shirt, his on my shoulders. After a few moments Matt pushes Mello out of the elevator before the doors close on them, and Mello seems to find his voice again.

"_That _was not what I expected to see down here," he grumbles irritably, glancing back at Matt.

"I _told _you so," Matt mutters, slipping away from Mello. "Did you believe me? No."

"So why the hell were you two practically making out down here? Do you even have an explanation?" My hands finally fall back to my sides and Light moves a step away from me.

"Actually, I don't have a good explanation," he sighs after a second. He glances at me. "I highly doubt you do either."

"I don't."

Mello scowls. "God, this is ridiculous. Matt?"

"I got it," he returns to Mello's side, holding up a tangled cord that must be his charger. He doesn't seem phased at all; actually he seems kind of smug in an "I was right" kind of way.

It would make things a lot more interesting if our secret spread from Matt and Mello.

"It would be nice if you could keep quiet about this," I say around my thumb pressed against my teeth.

"Fine, whatever," Mello grumbles, grabbing Matt's sleeve and tugging him back towards the elevator. "Come _on, _Matt." Matt rolls his eyes and follows him, glancing back at us one last time before the doors slide shut. We stand in silence, and I can't help but be a little annoyed that we were interrupted.

Light must share in my irritation, because he turns back to me, muttering, "Whatever" and pulling me back close to him.

"Who cares?" I murmur before our lips meet again.

**Near POV**

Just outside my room, as I'm about to go in, the elevator at the end of the hall opens and Mello comes through, half-dragging Matt behind him. Matt looks amused, and Mello is put off.

"You look like you just drank a glass of sour milk," Matt informs him.

"Shut up, Matt."

"You're just mad because _I _was right about them."

I tilt my head as they walk by. "What?"

Matt looks back at me. "Mello's pissed because I was right about L and Light being together behind our backs."

"Matt, can't you be quiet?" Mello snarls at him before the door closes behind Matt. I stand there for a moment, staring at their door. _What? L and Light are what? _

I honestly didn't expect the two of them to be taking part in such things as romance, especially with each other. My mind instantly jumps to the conclusion that one or both of them must be using it as a ploy to get closer to the other.

Is it even possible that it isn't? Do they _really _hold feelings for each other? Does L really think that Light is Kira? I am almost sure that he does, even if his emotions are genuine.

Although many, especially Mello, would say that I am incapable of the many emotions humans are subject to, I am not. I have my own personal thoughts and feelings, I just refuse to let them get in the way of my main goal: to be the next L.

But yes, I have felt anger, misery, elation, jealousy, and other emotions that are part of being human. But what I don't understand, possibly because I have never experienced it myself, is love.

_Physical _attraction is an unavoidable feeling, caused by the instinctive drive to reproduce. But what about the other half of "love" that so many writers, artists, and musicians have described in detail and in a great variety of ways countless times? What about the _emotional _attachments people make? Therein lies the part I do not understand. I do not understand how one can find themselves needing the attention and affection of another, so much that they are perfectly happy just to be in that person's company. How one can feel such ridiculous, irrational things makes little sense to me.

I have always thought with a strictly realistic point of view. Constant rational thought has kept me from being let down or hurt by people, because no human is perfect, thus leading to mistakes that inflict pain on those close to them. I learned at a young age to give up and forget the dreams I had come up with, the hopes I had. Those were unrealistic, never to come true.

Of course, when I was first left on the steps of an orphanage at the age of five, I entertained the idea that some day I would have a real family who cared for me. I soon learned, however, that that was not the case. It was then I realized that if I did not accept reality I would fall into a life of constant disappointment. So I learned to bury my emotions deep inside of me and forget I even had them.

Not a year later Wammy's found me, and from there I became obsessed with building on my premature intellect. Eventually being smart, being literal, being logical became the only thing I knew how to do.

I lost touch with the side of me that experiences feelings and emotions. I buried them so well that I have all but forgotten about them. I'm not sure I know how to recognize a specific emotion when I feel it anymore.

I am good at reading people, but not good at reading myself.

I lie in my bed, holding the one thing that makes me feel human in my hands. I believe that I like toys so much because I did not play with many during my young childhood, and they are a link, however tenuous, to the wild hopes my imagination came up with.

I think it is remorse for these lost hopes that cause the overwhelming sense of loneliness and sadness that suddenly floods throughout me. It takes only a few moments for me to suppress the emotions, but the memory of how they felt for those few seconds has ingrained itself as a ghost in my mind.

I try to coax sleep over me, but for some reason the comfort of unconsciousness refuses to overtake me.

**Right, short chapter. Really short. But… I had to put it like this. Now that I know where I'm going with Near, he's wayyyy easier to write for. I think that his POV came out nicely in this chapter.**

**BTW I have a new story called Light in the Darkness for Mello/Matt. Read if you wish.**


	23. Chapter 23

**I'm about to do something I normally DON'T. Usually I hate time skips longer than three to six months, but for the sake of the plot progressing, I'm doing a whopping… THREE YEARS! ARRRG! Yes, go ahead and freak out. I'm mad about this too.**

** BUT! There's good from this! The plot is going to get INTERESTING. This is where things pick UP people! Kyah kyah kyah! Yes, there will be just as much romance if not MORE. Ha ha ha! The reason for this skip is as follows:**

** A) Matt and Mello need to be older now. DEAL WITH IT. They're still as adorable at 16/17 as they were at 13/14, but they need to be a bit more matured. (This is Shonen-ai, people (I know what you're thinking by "matured"!) Don't get your hopes up for Yaoi. Have I made that clear by now? I hope so…I'm seriously worrying, here, not being sarcastic!) **

**B) Well, that was the main reason, but also because the original story has a time skip and I need one too, I just don't want it to be as long. **

**C) Again, for the plot. Very important for the story to move forward! **

**D) SECRET REASONS! Very classified, only people with "The Card" can know! And I'm the only one with "The Card"! Well, my inner Fangirl does too, but she has automatic access to everything because she's a bitch who squeals about everything when she's in her moods, including little rice things from Trader Joe's. **

**God, can I shut up for once? Nope. **

**Please forgive me for the time skip. I still haven't forgiven myself and I need motivation. Reviews are good motivation, come to think of it! **

**Just read already.**

…_Three Years Later…_

**Light POV**

I don't know why I haven't killed L yet. It's been three _years! _I've made some stupid excuse to Misa about not killing L yet, even though she learned his name a year ago. I also told her not to tell it to me. I honestly don't want to know. Because I'm afraid if I know it Kira will take me over and do the deed.

Kira and Light Yagami are two totally different people. True, Light Yagami, perfect son, tennis star, and top student, thinks that some people deserve to die and that he could be the person to do that, but Light Yagami is definitely very, _very _much In love with a certain raven-haired detective with horrible posture and a sweet addiction. That detective brings out the not as perfect side in Light Yagami. The natural side.

Kira is a murderer. Icy blood flows in his veins, and he only wants power, power, and more power. He feeds off of the satisfaction as another criminal dies at his hands, getting him one step closer to becoming God. The only thing that really stands in his way is L, and the bit of resistance that Light Yagami has left is all that keeps Kira from eliminating L.

These two personalities, no practically separate existences, live inside my head. Sometimes Kira almost wins out and takes full control of my mind. It hasn't happened yet, but I think it will soon. I know it will.

Light Yagami is nearly at his breaking point, and the only thing that keeps him sane is the one thing that drives Kira _in_sane. L.

Our relationship, which has been forced to tone down a bit, is still secret from everyone but Matt, Mello, and possibly Near. We never found out if the others told him, but it's likely. The three of them left the Task Force two years ago. Matt and Mello just disappeared, and Near returned to Wammy's before leaving shortly after without much explanation, just something about how the orphanage was hindering his work on Kira. L is convinced that the three of them are fine. To be honest, I had grown a bit fond of them whilst they stayed with us. I could see why L liked they so much. But the knowledge that they are out to catch Kira ha snot put me at ease. Well, Kira is bothered by this.

There have been times when I almost turned myself in over the past few months, but stopped out of either fear or Kira jumping in and stopping me. I am supposed to be God, why did L have to come in and ruin everything?

But it's not really L's fault that I fell for him.

And then there's the constant worry in my mind that Misa is going to "help" me by killing L without my consent. And the worry that someone is going to find out about our complicated relationship. And the worry that Kira will overtake me. And the worry that I will snap. The worry of what will happen if I turn myself in. L would hate me, wouldn't he? He'd have me punished, and eventually forget about me. He'd move on to the next case, and if I wasn't put to death I'd be left with nothing but the memory of his hatred. That honestly sounds worse that a life of imprisonment, maybe even the death penalty.

I can put one of those fears to rest, though. That's why I'm here, at Misa's. I've been forced to spend more time with her for the past year, and I hate it. Mira is using her, and Light Yagami finds her nearly unbearable. She is vulnerable and needs someone to look out for her, but for so many reasons. I am not that person. Of course, I have to pretend to be. For now.

"Light!" she cries, throwing the door open. "I didn't expect you here today!"

I force a somewhat convincing smile onto my face. "Hi, Misa." She hugs me before tugging me in.

"So what are you here for?" she takes a second look at my face, and her smile drops into a pout. "Don't tell me its Kira business again?"

I sigh, running a hand through my hair. "I'm sorry Misa, I really am. But trust me, it will be quick this time."

She crosses her arms. "What is it then?"

I smile. "It's good news, actually. Misa, you've been so helpful to me. I know you want to help me, but I think you've had more than enough. I just want you to be out of danger, and I want you to live like a normal girl. So I want you to relinquish ownership of your death note."

Her eyes widen and she gasps. Tears well up in her eyes, and suddenly she crashes into me. "Oh, Light! Thank you so much I can't believe you'd do this for me!" Her fast words are muffled into my chest, and I hesitantly pat her shoulder, surprised by her sudden outburst.

"Misa, I only want what's best for you," I murmur, gently pushing her back. "Can I have the notebook please?"

She nods and scampers off to her bedroom. I only have to wait for a few moments before she returns, looking slightly calmer, clutching the notebook in her hands. She holds it out to me, but her arms only extend halfway.

"Wait… what about L's name? Do you want me to tell it to you? It's-"

"No!" I say quickly, cutting her off. She blinks, surprised. "No," I repeat, my voice softer. "I just want you to write it down for me, not in the notebook. Write it on a scrap of paper and fold it up, okay?"

"Okay…?" she sets the notebook on the coffee table and picks up a pad of paper and pen. She carefully writes the name on it, peels it off, and folds I, using the sticky side to seal it. She holds the tiny piece of yellow paper out to me, and I pocket it.

"I hereby f-forfeit ownership of this d-death note," she whispers, handing it off to me. I slip it under my jacket as her eyes go blank for a second, her memories leaving her.

Suddenly she perks up again. "Oh, Light, I'm so glad you stopped by just to _see _me!" she sighs, hugging me again.

"Yeah, but I have to go now, Misa. I'm sorry."

"What? But you just got here?" she cries.

"Misa, please," I murmur, leaning in and briefly pressing my lips to hers. "I have to go."

"…Okay?" she murmurs, dazed. I force a smile on my face and turn away from her. As soon as I close the door behind me I give in to the temptation to wipe my mouth. I hate kissing Misa. I know L has started being bothered with the fact that I'm still dating her, as we haven't gotten anywhere in the Kira case and she (really) doesn't play a part in it anymore. And I feel like I'm cheating on L when I'm with her, even though he knows.

I'm going to end things with her soon, but first, I have to take care of Kira's needs. I need to get this notebook moving.

My plan now is simple. The notebook will move every other month to a new person, giving L just enough time to start making progress before he has to restart. Of course, he will catch on to the notebook's movement quickly, no doubt, but he will be unable to track it. Rem was, if not happy, compliant to oversee this in exchange for Misa's final removal from the case. She will never be Kira again.

Unless Rem dies, of course. But the only thing that will get her to save Misa is if I make it so she has to kill L. And I can't do that.

I slip behind the building and wait for Rem to show. I feel like the paper with L's name on it is weighing me down. While my fingers itch to open it, I also have the intense urge to burn it and never have to deal with again. A sit is, I remain undecided, so it is deep in my pocket. I keep my hands occupied by flipping through the pages of the notebook, rereading the names of those killed by Misa and I.

"I see you've succeeded." I smirk.

"Misa will willingly do anything I want, Rem. Without question."

"You are using her."

I narrow my eyes. "We've been through this. Misa is safe now. And soon she won't even be involved with me."

Rem gasps. "You're going to break up with her? She'll be destroyed!"

I sigh. "She'll be alright. I'll do it gently, and I'll make sure to keep in touch if she wishes me to. But it's not just that she's no longer any use to me. I do want her to be okay, and I'm not the person for her."

"She certainly thinks you are." I scowl.

"She doesn't know me," I say simply, and I hold the notebook out for Rem to take, cutting the conversation short. Rem takes it in her skeletal hand and holds it at her side.

"Light Yagami, if anything happens to Misa, I will not hesitate to kill you."

"That's why we're doing this," I remind her. "Misa will be fine." Rem holds my gaze for a moment, warning me with her eyes, before turning on her heel away from me. Wings unfurl from her back and she takes flight.

I don't hesitate to leave the area, heading back home. I stop at the store and get some apples for Ryuk, knowing that he'll be pestering me for them later. The walk home is uneventful, but when I get there, something takes me off guard. L.

"Ryuzaki?" I call to the detective standing on the corner next to my house. He turns, and I walk up to him.

"What are you doing here?" I ask. He blinks.

"I found something of interest. I want you to come back to Headquarters with me and check it out. Can you?"

I nod. "Just let me run inside and drop these off." He nods once, and I turn for the entrance to my home.

"I'm just back for a moment," I call. "Dropping off some stuff." I set the apples on the counter and slip up to my room where I hide the notebook and the paper with L's name on it.

"Light? Where are you going?" Soichiro questions on my way back out.

"Ryuzaki said he found something he wants me to see. I'll be back soon," I inform him. He nods, and I exit.

"Took you long enough," Ryuzaki says in his usual monotone when I reach him. I roll my eyes.

"Two minutes is not a long time, Ryuu."

"It took you three minutes and fifty-seven seconds, actually."

I look at him incredulously. "You counted?"

"Yes. Now, let's go."

I fall in step beside him, not surprised that he walked. It's only about fifteen minutes to walk to Headquarters. We don't talk very much; we mostly walk in comfortable silence. When we get there, I sit in my usual chair next to Ryuzaki and scoot it closer to his computer.

"What is it?" I ask, leaning an elbow on his desk.

He pulls up a screen. "Killings have increased again? Do you think it means anything?" My immediate thought is, _yes, I've been killing more. Kira died back for a little, and crimes increased. I didn't want to bring attention to Kira before the switching began. But I couldn't afford to let people get brave again. _

I sigh, pushing Kira's voice to the back of my mind. "Well, Kira stopped killing so often for a few months. People started to commit more crimes, and he probably wanted to stop that. It's doubtful, but it could be a lead, I suppose." I look at L, judging his reaction. He nods, not looking surprised but very much defeated.

"What's wrong?" I ask softly, worried by his expression. He surprises me by propping his elbows on his knees and putting his head in his hands.

"I'm about to give up, Light-kun. For nearly four years we've worked on this case, and right when we were getting somewhere, all leads disappeared! We've had practically nothing to go off of for three years now! Maybe we should just give up on Kira if he's going to win anyway."

_No! If you give up on Kira, it will be so much easier for him to overtake me! _I let Light's desperation shine through, hiding Kira's delight. "Ryuzaki! How could you _say _that? What kind of world would we be left with if one of the last resistances to Kira gives up? For all we know, Near and Mello could have stopped their search and we could be all that's left, although I doubt that," I exclaim, eyes blazing.

L lifts his head. "You're right… Even though Mello and Near are undoubtedly still chasing Kira, who am I to give up on the biggest case this world has yet seen?" He sighs. "I'm sorry. I'm just not sure what to do anymore, Light-kun. Kira must be stopped, but how can we stop him if we don't know anything?"

My anger fades. "We'll succeed, L, even if it takes another three years or more," I assure him. He doesn't look too convinced, but a little more at ease. He closes the program and shuts his computer off. There is a moment of silence before he says,

"You don't come here as often as you used to."

His tone is slightly hurt. "I know. I wish I could. It's just… hard. But listen, I'm planning of breaking up with Misa soon, so that should take care of some of our problems."

Ryuzaki looks shocked. "What? Why?"

"Well, for one, I'm in a relationship with you. Two, I'm gay, and three, I was never really interested in her, I felt bad for her. She isn't important to the case anymore, anyway. I don't want to lead her on anymore," I explain. He looks at me carefully, and a small smile plays on his face.

"Good. I don't like you dating her anyway."

I laugh. "I know." I check my watch, and stand. "I told my dad that I'd be back soon, so I should probably get back. I'll come by again soon, okay? I miss you too, and surprisingly, this place." L smiles.

"Alright, but before you go…" he stands up in one swift motion and kisses me softly, one hand on my shoulder. I kiss him back for a moment, but I pull away when my phone goes off. I sigh irritably and pull it out of my pocket.

"Yes?"

"Light, can you get back here? I need help on my homework!" Sayu practically begs. I roll my eyes.

"Yeah, I was just about to head back. I'll be home in twenty minutes."

"Alright! Thanks Light!" she says happily before cutting the call off. I slip my phone back in my pocket and turn back to L.

"Go on, Sayu will call you again if you aren't back soon." I nod and kiss him swiftly again before turning back towards the door.

"I'll be back soon," I throw over my shoulder just before leaving.

_Kira definitely will, but will Light? _Sneers the voice in my head.

I scowl. Of course he will!

_Of course._

**Matt POV**

"How much _security _can one website have?" I grumble, glaring at the screen. And I thought that L had tough stuff! But then, three years ago, protection was a lot different for computers. God dammit, all of it.

All of it. All of this constant hacking, watching, waiting, rinsing, and repeating. All of this Kira crap that's taken over my boyfriend's life.

Sometimes I think he doesn't even remember who he is, let alone that he has someone waiting day after day, alone in our little apartment, for him to return from wherever it is that he goes off to.

I sigh, pushing those thoughts to the back of my mind. I have other things to worry about, namely getting onto this website. It has everything we, no Mello, needs to get the Mafia to listen to him. If he can get _them _on his side, he'll be all set. It's his next move in the Kira case.

We haven't found anything useful for a good year now, but does that stop Mello? No. Does that stop him from obsessing over catching Kira just to prove that he is, officially, the _best? _No. Does he listen when I tell him that I think he's perfect? No.

He doesn't really listen to me at all anymore.

"Fucking focus, Matt!" I snap at myself, returning my full attention to my laptop. These stupid Mafia bitches aren't going to beat me. If this is how I can help Mello, then so be it.

And with that in mind, it only took me another three hours to hack on. Add that to my previous two, and you have five hours of non-stop hacking. My fingers hurt, and I probably have a permanent slouch, but I couldn't care less. I have more work to do now. I have to set things up for when Mello can get on.

Unfortunately, I'm dead tired. I haven't slept in about seventy-two hours, and I'm not an insomniac like L. It's about three in the morning, and I've been at this for hours, and before that, hacking into other stuff, completing the list of instructions Mello gave me before leaving again. He goes off for days, sometimes even weeks at a time, leaving me with a little work to do. Once that's completed, I'm usually stuck waiting for him.

I'm too tired to even yawn. I'm shocked I managed to hack onto the Mafia's stuff without fucking up something crucial. High-five! No, too tired for that. Heck, I don't even feel like getting up.

Despite this, I start working on the next phase of my work: setting things up for Mello to pull the trigger and be done with it. I get to do all the dirty work. I last maybe another half hour before my head drops and refuses to lift again. My eyes are too heavy under my goggles, and I'm forced to give in to sleep.

. . .

When I wake up, the first thing I notice is that I'm not on the couch. I know this because there's a gaming poster, just visible through the gloom of predawn, in my line of sight, meaning that I'm in my room, in my bed. Which doesn't make sense to my sleepy mind.

I blink, trying to make sense of things, but I'm still exhausted. I will myself to roll over, and my eyes fall on a sleeping form. I can just make out blonde hair and the silhouette of my boyfriend in the pale light. Warmth radiates from his body, and his breath is quiet. My stomach jumps, surprised to see him.

A sleepy smile breaks across my face. _Mello… _I snuggle closer to him, resting my head against his chest. Mello must have come home soon after I fell asleep and carried me to my bed. Sometimes, it's hard to remember that he's supposed to be my lover. But sometimes, it's impossible not to remember. His arms move in his sleep, wrapping around me.

I'm already close to sleep, and the small smile on my face doesn't fade. _Mello…_


	24. Chapter 24

**Okay, the Mafia is a complicated organization. I changed things and made it simpler. As in, you DON'T have to be of Italian decent to be a full member, and all that fancy shit they do… well, I'm just leaving it at this: They do fucking fancy criminal shit. **

**Wow, no one cares what I've done with the Mafia. Well, I've put this here, so now you can't hate. **

**Mello POV**

Sunlight filters into the room through the gaps in the blinds. Judging from the angle, it's probably about ten or eleven. I should probably get up, but I don't want to. I'm still waking up, and I've missed having Matt with me for the past three days. I feel guilty for leaving him again and again, especially because he seems to miss me so much, but I really don't have a choice.

I have work to do, but I would rather just lie here with Matt in my arms and do nothing all day. When I got home at about three last night Matt was asleep on the couch, his laptop sitting on his lap. He didn't wake up when I carried him to his bed. I didn't feel like leaving him, so I fell asleep next to him. When I woke up, he had moved closer to me, his head on my chest, and I had put my arms around him in my sleep. His breathing is soft, and I have a feeling that if I listen to it for too long I'll fall back asleep.

I don't want to, but I know that I have to get up now. I carefully move Matt away from me and lie him down, his head on his pillow. I slip out of the bed and quietly from his room. I didn't even bother to change last night, so I'm still in my clothes. I go into my small room and change into a pair of sweatpants and a fitting tank top. Leather is nice, but even I don't like wearing it all the time.

I'm in the kitchen making hot chocolate when I hear soft footsteps coming down the short hall of our tiny apartment. I turn around to see a very sleepy Matt standing in the doorway and blinking.

"Morning, sleepy head." He smiles slightly.

"What time is it?"

I glance at the time on the microwave. "Nearly noon. When's the last time you slept?"

He rubs his neck. "Uh… two, three days ago? I dunno. Something like that." I stare at him.

"What? Matt, why?" I demand.

Matt shrugs. "I was busy, I guess. Doing stuff. Hacking."

I scowl. "Matt, unlike some people, you need your sleep."

"I know. I just made up for it. Anyway," he walks up to the counter and starts making coffee for himself. "I got on to the Mafia site."

Instantly, all other thoughts are out of my head. "Really?" I can't keep the dark excitement out of my voice. He nods, not meeting my eyes.

"I started setting things up for you before I fell asleep. It should still be up on the laptop." I take my mug into the other room and set it on the table. I pick up the laptop and turn it back on. The mafia site comes on, and I grin.

"Yes!" I hiss, and instantly get to work. If I can just get the Mafia to work with me, I'll be another step closer to bringing Kira down.

Kira. For a while now the case has been at a bit of a dead-end, but recently Kira has started killing more again. Of course, Kira could be a completely different person than he was three years ago, although I doubt that. His style is the same.

Matt did a good job, and now I just have to do a few things before I'll have the Mafia right in my hands. With this, I'll have access to their money, too, so I have leverage.

Matt sits on the floor with his old Gameboy, leaning on the couch. I work for about twenty minutes, before I sit back and carefully look through everything.

My plan is to lock the website so that only Matt and I can access it, and all that's visible to the Mafia will be a message from me, asking for cooperation. They will be mad, but they don't know where I am and they can't locate me. They haven't seen my face yet, so all they know is my alias, Mello. If I give them everything back on the condition they work with me, I will gain some of their trust.

My plan is risky, but I have confidence that it will work.

I pass the laptop to Matt. "Can you finish it off?" He nods once and immediately starts typing some long code. I watch him, resting my forearms on my knees, until he enters it and the website automatically resets.

"Good. Can you get on?" If he can't get back on, we're screwed. Luckily, it doesn't take long because all the passwords I had Matt set work, and in another five minutes we are back on. And we're the only ones who can get on.

I smirk with grim satisfaction and take the laptop from him. "Yes! Thanks, Matt."

"No what?" he asks, returning to his game.

"Now…" I set the laptop to the side and take a sip of my now warm cocoa. "We wait."

. . .

My "work" phone doesn't go off until the next day, at four in the morning. I'm awake, waiting for the call. Matt fell asleep on the cough, leaning his head on my shoulder. He wakes up with a start when my phone goes off though, and I pull it out within a second of the first ring, a victorious smirk gracing my face.

Matt rubs his eyes. "That them?" he mumbles sleepily. I nod the affirmative and decide to let the phone ring a bit. I don't need to answer them immediately.

When I do pick up, my voice has a bored, expectant tone to it. "Yes?"

A gruff voice replies, sounding very agitated compared to my cool tone. "You! You're the bastard who-"

"Please," my voice turns dangerous. "If you wish to keep my attention you will need to be more polite than that."

"You expect me to be _polite _after what you've done? You dirty little bastard! You're a fucking-"

"Alright then," I sigh. "I don't have time to deal with the likes of you. I'm tired, so my patience is already out." I'm about to end the call when he replies, sounding desperate.

"No! Wait, alright, alright, we can talk. It took me forever just to contact you."

"I like things like that. Alright, I'm going to tell you exactly what I want from you, okay? And don't interrupt me, or I'll hang up and you'll never get your money and files back. Okay?"

"… Fine."

"You should remember what my original request was, but I'll repeat it now. I want the Mafia to work with me, but more than that. I need complete control over your organization. I will make sure that everyone under me has their affairs paid for and dealt with, and I will return all access and files to the organization, but only on the condition that I get complete leadership. I will be able to prove my trustworthiness given some time, and I will not go back on my word.

"However, if you refuse I will not hesitate to take every last cent and permanently delete all files. There will be no way for you to find me if I do this. And if anyone goes against my command, they will be killed. Do you understand?"

"You drive a hard bargain. We have no reason to trust you or follow your word! We don't even know your name!"

"My name is Mello. If you need reason to trust me. How about this: I will use my own money to cover any expenses and debts your members are struggling with at the moment. You will have the exact amount of money in your account as before I do this. I will not destroy what the Mafia has built up, nor will I take away much of the authority that has already been established. I will just be in complete command. You will cooperate with me if I am given this, and help me catch Kira. In exchange, I will help the Mafia."

Matt watches me from across the couch, all exhaustion gone from his demeanor. He looks tense. I turn my chocolate around in my hand as I let my words sink in.

"We need to think about this… ridiculous request of yours. No one will be happy about this, I assure you."

I huff. "I will make you happy about this when you decide to work with me. I will hold true to my word. If I don't, I will expect nothing less than my death." Matt sucks in a breath at this, but I ignore him.

"Very well. We will contact you again tomorrow, yes?"

"Yes." I end the call and grin. "This is perfect. They have no real choice but to work with me now!"

"Yeah, perfect…" Matt mutters, playing with the hem of his shirt. I frown at him, now just noticing how troubled he looks.

"Matt, is something wrong?"

He shakes his head, but he lowers his head so that his hair falls in front of his eyes. His hand brushes his hair, as if feeling for the goggles that are usually there. I lean forward slightly.

"Matt, what is it?"

"Nothing, Mello. Just tired."

"Bull shit." I reach forward to tilt his head and he leans away from me, looking down and too the side. I scowl and advance swiftly on him, pushing him down by his shoulders. I glare at him, irritated. "Matt, what is it?" I demand. He finally looks up and meets my glare, and I'm shocked by what I see in his eyes.

His eyes are fearful and maybe hurt. My mouth opens and all anger abandons me, leaving me confused and floundering for something to say. I blink a few times, trying to make sense of his apparent unhappiness.

"Matt?" I murmur.

"What Mello? _What? _Don't you have stuff to do? Aren't you busy throwing your life out the window?" he says quietly.

I look down at him, my hands on either side of his shoulders. "Matt, what are you talking about?"

He shuts his eyes. "Nothing. I'm just… nothing." I growl.

"Matt, if you don't tell me what the hell you're going on about right now I'm going to-"

"What if you die, Mello?" he blurts, eyes flying open again. "What then, huh? Nothing? So what, Mello threw his life away like it was nothing. Oh well?" I blink at him, shocked.

"What do you mean, if I die?"

Matt sits up partially, pushing me back. "Mello, this case is going to kill you if you're not careful! One of these days, you're going to leave for a few days, and you're not going to come back! Because, guess what, those Mafia bastards are going to kill you off! Sure, you can take care of yourself, but one of you against the Mafia doesn't stand a fucking chance! What the hell are you going?" Tears are threatening to spill out of his eyes, and he looks more desperate than angry.

I feel like an idiot, but I can't seem to do more that blink at him in confusion and shock. "Matt, I'm not going to die. I'll be fine!" This isn't like Matt; he's never gotten worried about my life like this. He knows I can take care of myself, he just said that!

Matt shakes his head. "You don't _know _that, Mello! There are a lot of people out there who want you fucking dead, and this will only make it worse! Mello…you aren't safe even in our home! How can you be so sure that you'll be safe with the fucking _Mafia?" _The tears are falling down his face now, and his hands are shaking. He opens him mouth to say more, but I cut him off by pulling him into me.

I press my lips against his hair, holding him close to me. His hands clench the loose fabric of my shirt, and when I pull away from him, his head falls onto my shoulder.

"Matty," I murmur, petting his hair to calm him. I finally understand where this is coming from. "Matty, I'm not going to die. I can take care of myself, right? I know I can't be around a lot, but I'm always going to come back to you. Do you remember what I said to you three years ago? I told you that I wouldn't leave you. I'm not going to, Matty. I'm not going to."

"I just keep thinking that… one day it'll be on the news that some guy got shot or blew up or something," he whispers, almost too quietly for me to hear. "And that guy will be you. I hate waiting for you to come home every few days, because one day… you might not." It's hard to hear him, because his quiet voice is muffled into me, but I can still make out what he's saying. And it hurts me, because Matt is scared. About _me. _He's worried for me, worried that my work will be the death of me, worried that I'm going to die and he'll be all alone.

"I'll come back, nothing's going to happen to me, or you for that matter," I comfort him.

"You can't know that for sure, Mels."

I just hold him tighter to me, gently rocking back and forth slightly. His tears have stopped, but he doesn't move, and I don't want him to. We just sit like that, Matt in my arms, until he drifts off again. I lean back against the sofa and look up at the ceiling. Matt is still asleep in my lap.

I know I haven't been around enough for Matt. I do love him, but things are complicated right now. The case gets more and more stressful and frustrating with every day that goes by, every day wasted when I don't get any closer to catching Kira. I haven't seen Near for a while, or L for that matter, but there's no way I'm giving up or dropping the case now. It's still a contest. I've always been second, and I need to be the best for once.

I've never actually been first, the best, in my life. And it's time that changed.

. . .

"You're a fucking _kid?" _I scowl, and within a second my gun is trained on the big man's head. His arms are ripped, but I know that I have leverage over him. He wont hurt me, because of what I have.

I have every last cent of the Mafia's money.

"You are mistaken. But my age doesn't matter to you, does it? It shouldn't."

He glowers at me, but eyes my gun warily. He knows I'll shoot it without a second thought. "You expect us to work with an underage brat?"

_Bang! _I pull the trigger, sending the bullet flying… right past his head. But it has the desired effect; the burly man cries out and flinches dramatically. There is dead silence, the sound of my shot ringing in the air. I scowl

"Again, you are mistaken. Don't make me shoot again, because this time I won't miss." He swallows, still looking shaken, and doesn't say anything. I turn to the other sin the room.

Every official member of the American Mafia in the Los Angeles base is here. That's a fair number of people, somewhere between high twenties to mid thirties. Some of them are compliant to let me take control, while others are strongly opposed to the idea.

I narrow my eyes and scan over every person in the room. "Look, I've already told you what I want, what I need, and what you'll get in return. I've already covered all the expenses you gave me to pay off, and I've gotten you guys out of a lot of shit."

"Yes, you have. But do you think we're really going to let an adolescent lead us?" Snarls another largely muscled man. I don't even bother to turn in his direction. I lift my gun and shoot him clear through the head.

"Gah! George!"

"He fucking killed one of us without even thinking about it!"

"Yeah, because he fucking means business!" I snap at the idiot, whose name I don't know, who decided to add to my irritation. "I'm going to leave with your money if you don't work with me."

They wont kill me, because as far as they know, I'm the only person who has access to everything. Matt is my secret. A weapon…a black card. They can't get rid of me, and they have to give me what I want, or they are immediately bankrupt.

I finger the trigger of my gun. "Do I have your cooperation, or do you need further convincing?" My tone is cool, hiding the frustration I'm feeling. These people are idiots! They just need to fucking work with me!

"You're really going to such lengths just to catch one person?" mutters the current leader Dominic. I like him. There's a reason he's leader. He's smart and sensible, and has worked hard to keep his family going.

"Yes."

He sighs. "I don't really have a choice. Alright, you get what you want. You're the boss now. You've held up your end of the deal so far; let's see how well you do."

I can hear the unhappiness at his current situation in his voice, but it doesn't matter. I've won this leg of the race. I smile darkly.

"That's better. Dominic, you're the underboss now, got that?" he nods. The entire room is full of muttering and unease, but I know that everyone will accept what their previous leader has, and appointing him as second in command will make them happier.

Things have started moving again. I'm one step closer to catching Kira and winning once and for all.

** Mostly Matt being OOC this chapter, but an important forward movement for Mello! I promise L POV first thing next chapter! FYI, Near's going to stay quiet for a few chapters now, alright? Just give it time. **


	25. Chapter 25

**L POV**

I have sat absolutely still, crouching on my chair with my hand buried in my hair and resting my face on my knees, for a good ten minutes. Three years ago, I was _so close! _Three years ago, we had Kira in our hands, his way of killing known to us! Three years ago, I was confident that the case was coming to a close.

But that was three years ago.

Things are far different now than they were three years ago. We have lost all contact with Near, Mello, and Matt. Well, we have received two messages over the years from Near saying that he is alright and that he is working alone at the moment. Mello and Matt, however, vanished. I don't even know if they are still in contact, although they were close friends so that is likely.

Roughly three years ago, I started my relationship with Light. Since then, we have been forced to spend less and less time together. I still care deeply for him, love him, but things are not easy. Things are complicated. I have mixed feelings on his plan to end things with Amane.

And, despite what he said, I am still about to give up on this case. Never before have I encountered a case as difficult as this. Kira is slowly winning, merely because I cannot get a lead on him! He has covered his tracks too well.

"Ryuzaki…" I lift my head and look towards the sound of Watari's voice.

"Yes?"

He sighs. "Before I give you the report, I must ask you something."

"What is it?"

"These past years have been… taxing on you. I think you need to take a break from the case, or do something, because you are starting to grow more and more melancholy with every day."

Watari has always been a fatherly figure to me. He is one of the few people I care for (the only others being the Wammy boys, and Light), and I am willing to listen to him and consider his requests with more attention and consideration than I do for others.

"I am worried about you, Ryuzaki."

"Hm. Well, there is no reason to worry, nor is there anything you can do to help, Watari, other than what you are already doing. Thank you; your concern is appreciated, but unnecessary."

"Very well then, here is the report." He holds the paper out to me, and I accept it. As I scan over it, he continues with another subject.

"As well, I am worried about your successors. The three boys have been missing for a while, and I think we should looks for them."

"Ah, I disagree. We know that Near is safe, and is probably conducting an investigation on his own. We should leave him be and let him contact us, unless we need his attention. He gave us a way to contact him; let's not use it unless we must."

"But what about Matt and Mello?"

"Things are more complicated with those two. As for Mello, he is also probably doing well on his own and knows how to contact us should he need to. I doubt it will be easy for us to track him down unless he wants to be found. And then there's Matt… I honestly don't know about him, but he's probably still with Mello, and if not, gone off and done something that has little to do with the Kira case. He was never fond of the whole idea of being the next L."

"Surely you worry for them, though!"

I look up from the list. "I never said that. I do worry, and I miss them, but we have no reason to search for them. I'm sure they will turn up eventually."

Watari hesitates, before nodding once. "Alright, I suppose you're right." With that, he turns to leave. I return my attention to the list. I read it several times, hoping for something new…

Nothing. Just like there has been nothing for three years.

I sigh, setting the list aside. I glance at the clock, which reads midnight. Three years ago, when Light grew tired, I would go up early to let him sleep. I found myself sleeping then, too. I have long since returned to my old sleeping patterns, but I do miss the nights when Light would force me to lie next to him, and I would curl into him and actually fall asleep for once.

Our relationship is _not _a simple one. Not only must we keep it secret, but there is still the tiny, nagging voice in my mind that keeps whispering "Light is Kira, Light is Kira!" I do not tell him that I think this, but ever since he touched the notebook that was in Higuchi's possession, Light has been… different. And lately, he seems troubled. I can see it in his eyes. Something is causing his thoughts to go against each other. Something is causing him conflicted unease. I want to ask, but I fear the worst.

I don't know what the worst is, but it would be bad…very, very bad. The thought of loosing Light has the same effect as it did a few years ago, no, the idea of loosing him in any way is even more horrifying than before.

Suddenly, an incoming message appears on my screen. I open it, and text appears across my computer.

_L:_

_ I know you are probably wondering where M could have gone off to, or at least you are curious. I did a little research and discovered that the underground crime, primarily (but not limited to) in Los Angeles, California, has changed recently. Details are scarce, but I have been able to figure out that a major crime syndicate (unnamed) has been handed over to one person… _

_ In my opinion, this sounds like something only M could pull off or even think of doing. It has not been proven, but knowing him…_

_ My previous contact number remains. _

_N_

There is a link attached to the message. I click it, and it leads me to another document, the one Near received his information from. It has been hacked from a crime site, meaning that it is probably reliable. This is very interesting indeed, considering that Near is probably right. This sounds exactly like something Mello would do.

_Interesting… If this is indeed Mello's doing, would this be part of his plan to catch Kira? Or has he moved on to something else? Has he turned to a life of crime, or is this something else entirely? _

I save the document and the message to show Light later. I doubt the other members of the task Force will find this interesting, but I will show Light. He, out of the others, liked the Wammy boys the most.

I stir more sugar into my tea, glancing at the clock again.

It's going to be a long night.

. . .

A week has passed since Near's message arrived. Light was intrigued by it, but I know he is eager to focus at the task on hand. So am I, because _finally _we have found something new. I am not too eager, but I can't help but be hopeful.

"Kira," Soichiro Yagami begins, "does not kill _doctors!"_

"Yes, this man was pardoned, wasn't he? He was only _partially _involved in a group murder! All he did was give them names and addresses, only because he feared for his life," Matsuda agrees.

"Kira is killing more and more people like this… has he become even less merciful?" Aizawa wonders darkly.

I narrow my eyes at the information on Kira's most recent victims. There are five variations to Kira's usual kills: two doctors who gave away the names and addresses to a group of criminals who wanted to kill some unnamed citizens, and three lawyers, two of which defended the doctors and one who defended, and succeeded in proving innocent, someone who was indeed a criminal. These are not people Kira kills. There have been several other examples of this… mercilessness over the week.

Light has been awfully quiet since he read through the report. I assume he is thinking the same thing I am: the notebook has passed hands again.

"Ryuzaki? What do you think? What are his motives?" Soichiro demands.

"I think… that this is a completely different person all together. This person probably has an even stricter view than our other Kira. He is killing people who merely were involved in crimes or who made mistakes and put other people at risk… I have come to this conclusion over the past week."

Light nods. "I thought so too. This person is being harsher, and is certainly less forgiving. It would be unlike Kira to go against his own rules, so it must be a different person."

Matsuda groans. "_Another _Kira? We're barely able to handle the one we have now, how are we supposed to deal with two?"

"Is it possible that our original Kira is gone, and this is the only Kira?"

I pause. "No, that's unlikely. It's possible, but unlikely. At this point, all we can say is that we think there may be another Kira. This could be the same person, merely trying to confuse us or anyone else on his trail. It could be someone under Kira's control, or doing as he asks, or moving on his own. At this point, we just don't know."

Aizawa scowls. "Well, we have to work on this. How were these names released?"

Matsuda frowns. "I don't think the names of the doctors or those lawyers were released on television, but maybe in the paper."

"Yes, there was mention of them in the story. They were interviewed, but as for the third lawyer, Ryota Itagaki, I can't say," Soichiro confirms.

"We should run reports on them, and have them ready soon. Ide and Mogi, you take care of the doctors, Soichiro, Ide, and Matsuda work on the lawyers. Light and I will work on tracking down Kira, whoever he may be at the moment."

There are several nods and murmurs of understanding when I finish instructing the Task Force, and then the men disperse. I return my attention to my computer, and immediately start hunting for new information.

It took me a while to get used to not having a chain attached to my wrist, back when we first removed it. I instinctively used the hand that would usually be free to do everything, and I kept rubbing my wrist. I could tell that Light was also taking time to readjust. At first I was pleased to be free of the chain (cold metal against skin twenty-four seven is not a pleasant experience), but it didn't take long for me to start missing Light always close to me.

I still miss that, truthfully.

**Light POV**

Perfect. It's all going perfectly. Just as planned, Rem got the notebook to some random supporter of Kira (obviously I set guidelines, and she seems to have followed those), L noticed a change, and I've given him false hope.

Correction: Kira has done all of that.

I hold the folded paper with L's true name on it in my hands. Kira itches to unfold it, read the name, and write it down before anything else. But Light wants to tear it up, burn it, and send its ashes into the wind.

Instead of doing either of these actions, and I carefully place the little folded paper inside the drawer I keep my Death Note in, putting it in the back behind my decoy "diary".

I turn and flop back on my bed. I stare up at the ceiling, trying to sort through my thoughts. _I'm so close to killing him… Should I just turn myself in?_

"Hi Light… what are you doing, lying like that?"

I lift my head to look at Ryuk. "I'm thinking."

The shinigami floats over to look down at me. "About what?"

"Kira things. What else?"

Ryuk shrugs. "Lately you seem to be pretty distracted by these _Kira things._"

"I'm not. Thing's are going perfectly."

"Are they? You seem to be at unease lately."

"Ryuk…"

"Yes?"

"If I buy you some apples, will you please shut up?"

Ryuk grins eagerly. "Ah, apples! Of course!"

I straighten up, getting off of my bed. "All right, come on then." I don't need Ryuk bothering me and making my already complex issues worse. Don't need him finding out what's running through my mind, either.

Things aren't going well for Light Yagami.


	26. Chapter 26

**I like this chapter. I had fun writing it. **

**Matt POV**

Mello has been back once since he got the Mafia under his control, and just to give me instructions and tell me not to worry, he'll be back soon, and now that he has the mafia he can contact me when he's out.

He sends me an update every other day or so, but it's been a week, and I miss him.

The only thing Mello has needed me to do is unlock the Mafia site and stuff relating to that, so I've been sitting around playing video games the whole week. When we moved here I convinced Mello to let me get an Xbox. I spend most of my time sitting on the floor in front of the TV now. But my video games can't take the place of Mello.

I'll admit it; I'm not doing so well without him. I constantly miss him, and I sometimes wish things could be like how they were at Wammy's, and then in Japan with L. At least I saw Mello every day back then.

I sigh and go about reading Mello's newest instructions. He wants me to go to some old warehouse and set up security cameras and wire taps. Apparently there is going to be an exchange of something.

_Matt,_

_ I need you to set up security cameras and taps at the address I listed below. Get it done by tomorrow afternoon at the latest, and be thorough. There's going to be a purchase of arms there, and we need to make sure it goes well. The box of stuff is in the back of my closet._

_ And be careful, please._

_ -Mello_

He's always telling me to be safe, but if he's going to act like he's throwing his life away, then what's the point of me being so careful? Mello is such a hypocrite sometimes.

I get up from my spot on the couch and make my way over to Mello's room. It's very practical for us to have our own rooms, and Mello obviously doesn't want gaming posters all over the walls. I'm naturally messy, and while Mello is a bit cluttered as well, he's far more organized than I.

I open the door to Mello's room. It smells like him in here (which is a good thing), and the blinds are open, letting daylight filter into the room. His bed is made (well, the blanket has been carelessly flattened over the sheets and the pillows are straightened, and by my standards that's more than made) and his closet door is just a few inches open.

I walk over to it and slide it the rest of the way open, before leaning over to find the box of stuff. Mello has a decoy box of guns in here, some junk, and probably chocolate hidden somewhere. It doesn't take me very long to find the surveillance equipment. I pull out the medium sized box and shut the door with my shoulder.

I return to the couch with the box. I'll go tonight, when I'm least likely to be noticed. For now, I have nothing to do but play my video games.

As soon as it begins to get dark four hours later, I turn everything off and lock up. I pull my vest on and carry the box of equipment down the stairs to he garage where my car is parked.

I love my car. It's all red and shiny and pretty fucking badass. There is no better description for it than that. I think the only things I love more are my video games and Mello, and of course Mello tops that list.

If only he could be around more. I miss him like crazy when he's gone doing who-knows-what to catch Kira for days and weeks at a time.

I stick the box in the passenger seat and walk around to the other side, getting in and starting my car up quickly. The roads aren't too busy today, what with it being a Sunday night, and it doesn't take me long to get to the warehouse Mello mentioned.

It's located about twenty minutes away from our apartment in a less populated section of older warehouses, some used for storage and others unused. The one Mello specified is one of those still in use, so it has electricity, but it is hardly ever looked into anymore. Once and a while as I drive through I stop and slip into one of the warehouses with electricity and turn the lights on, so that when I do my work it won't be obvious where I am. I park my car in the alley between two of the buildings, concealing it in the shadows.

I get out with the equipment and check twice that I have definitely locked my car before slipping through the side entrance to the building at my right. My destination is the next one over; I decided it was best to park a little ways away.

This is one of the unused ones. There are holes in the roof and loose board sin the walls. It's quite dusty and cobwebby in here. There is hardly five feet of space between this one and the next, but I still check to make sure no one is watching me cross the short space.

I groan when I enter the next warehouse, the one I'm supposed to bug (I'm surprised that all these doors are unlocked, but whatever). It's not that big, but it will take at least two hours. It's getting dark kind of quickly, so I walk over to the big switch on the wall and flip it. Dying florescent lights flicker to life on the ceiling. There are no windows near the top, just a vent to let light through, and all the doors are shut. I should be fine.

I don't waste time in scoping out good places to put cameras, and figuring out where the blind spots are. Although I'm better with computers, cameras are pretty simple to. It just requires time to wire them all. I just have to set it up so they can connect with Mello's computer, so he can turn them on when needed.

It really isn't that difficult of a task to complete, and I start moving automatically, my mind drifting. I get a little too distracted, though, because I notice just a little too late in noticing that I'm not alone. I don't know what exactly tips me off, but one second I'm fiddling with a camera in the dim light and the next I'm pulling my gun out from under my shirt and whipping around, cocking it.

But I'm not quite fast enough. There's already two guns pointed at me, aimed at my chest by two very obvious looking thugs.

"Who the 'ell are you?" the man on the right demands. He's pretty much ripped and his arms are covered in tattoos. He has a cigar in his mouth. His buddy on the left is smaller, but still looks like he's spent more than a few hours lifting weights in the gym.

I sigh inwardly and say around my cigarette, "What's it to you?"

"You're the one who's out here all alone, settin' up surveillance stuff," says the smaller one.

"Why do you care, exactly?" I narrow my eyes. "Oh, let me guess, you two are hiding something in here. Drugs, probably. Well, you should probably move them, because I don't think the Mafia would appreciate you hiding your shit in here."

Tattoo guy scowls at me. "You're clever, I'll give you that. But I doubt you work with the Mafia."

"You're right, I don't, but I can tell you right now that I'm doing them a favor here, setting up all of this. So why don't you put your guns down, get your coke or whatever it is you're hiding in here, and let me finish?"

Both their scowls harden. Oh well, it was worth a shot. I knew they probably wouldn't be in for an agreement like that. There are too many reasons not to do trust me and instead send a few rounds through my chest. For starters, I'm just some kid who's rigging the warehouse they decided to stash their crack in, if that is what they're hiding here. They have every reason to shoot me, and they probably will

"Lower your gun and hold your hands up, and do now that or we'll both shoot you until you die," snarls tattoo man. I can hear no trace of bluff in his tone and see none in his face, so I do as he says.

"Now, we don't want to kill you, you know? Not our job."

"Boss wouldn't be too happy if we did something like that without good reason," mutters the smaller one.

"Oh, so you two are part of a group huh? Some street gang?"

They both snarl at me. "We're more than just some street gang! We're the Poison Fangs!"

I seriously have to struggle to hold back a snort at this. "That is the _cheesiest _name I have ever heard, I think No, well, Trigger Happy Tigers was the worst ever. I mean, come on, why can't you people be more creative? Names like that just sound way too desperate-"

Tattoo guy shoots his gun.

I cry out as the bullet grazes my left arm, causing my fingers to uncurl from around my gun (dammit, my gun arm. That's fucking helpful). My hand flies instinctively to the tear in my shirt, and I look down at the cut. It isn't that bad, but it stings like a bitch. There's blood on my fingers, and my shirt.

"Damn it," I hiss through my teeth. "You got blood on my shirt!"

"Shut up or I'll put another one through your head!"

Again, there is absolute sureness to his tone. He is dead serious, and he will shoot my brains out. I think now is a good time to grit my teeth and shut up. The sudden sting of pain from the cut on my arm is slowly fading, but it's being replaced by a sharpish ache. My blood wells up at the tear in my skin and starts making it's way down.

Ouch.

At a gesture from tattoo guy, the pair moves forward, and I don't dare to move as they approach me, because they still have their guns trained on me. The smaller one grabs my arms and pulls them back behind me, and I hiss as this triggers another stab of pain from the scratch. I try to resist, but as much as I hate to admit it, I'm not very strong. I'm the techie, not the bodyguard.

There are still two guns pointed at my head, one from the front and the other from behind me. It's quite unnerving to be in such a position. I really hope they don't decide to just get rid of me and stuff me in a crate from the back of the building to clear the evidence.

It's now that I realize how fucked I am.

What on earth am I supposed to do? For one, no one knows where the hell these goons will take me or what they'll do to me. For another thing, Mello is going to be both pissed and incredibly frustrated. Mello has enough stress (he hides it well, but there has never been a time in his life when he didn't feel like he had to be the best, I know that for sure. He practically carries the weight of the world on his back), and enough problems.

I'm pretty sure he'd be worried out of his mind, but I realize that I can't say that for sure right now.

I think that thought is what triggers my sudden fear. I mean, what the hell do I do now?

"Right, Max, we should take 'im out, and then one of us can run back and get the stuff," tattoo guy informs his friend, apparently Max.

"We're gonna take him back to the Den?"

"Yeah, we just need to knock him out first."

"Wait, what?" I scowl. If I'm unconscious, how am I supposed to figure out where I'm going or what the fuck is going on? "Uh, could we not?"

"I told you to shut up!" His finger inches back over the trigger, threatening to shoot. The grip on me tightens painfully. "You're lucky we don't just shoot you now! It would be easy to get rid of you. In fact, why don't-" he is cut off by another bang, a gunshot, and a bullet that comes straight out of his shoulder milliseconds later. I automatically flinch, and the gun goes off again, hitting my captor. He releases me, choking, and I scramble away.

Both the men are on the ground, their blood splattered around them, spewing curse words through their teeth. I look around for my mystery savior (this is turning into a video game rescue adventure. Except for the fact that I'm in very real pain and very real danger), and my eyes fall on the person standing in the doorway. I can't see them too well in the dim lighting, combined with the darkness from outside, but I can tell that their figure is slim, and they are tall, taller than me, and possibly Mello as well. They are definitely male.

He chooses this moment to walk towards the men, gun still out and ready to shoot. As light falls on his face, I try to keep from gasping. I'm not positive, but they are _so _familiar, is it possible… No. It can't be, right? I don't have the best angle for judging who they are at the moment.

"Who the fuck are you?" Moans tattoo guy.

"No one important." His voice is deeper, but I definitely know it. He doesn't hesitate any longer to shoot both of the thugs through the head, killing them. Smart move…

At this he turns to me, and I get full view of his face. _There's no way in hell…_

"Hey, Matt-cat. Been a while, hasn't it?"

My suspicions have just been confirmed.

"Aaron."

** Annnnd… guess what? Aaron IS important to the story after all! He's not just some guy from Matty past OHH, NO. I have brilliant plans for this guy, people. **

** Usually I don't like OCs, but I couldn't resist with him. I mean, dark hair, pale green eyes, can shoot a gun AND hit his target, dated Matt… what's NOT to like about this guy?**

** Oh right, he left Matt. Derp. **

** Well, that's not the whole story, folks.**

** And I've already said too much.**

**Mello: Who the fuck is this bastard? Why is he here? He'd better not be back for Matt.**

** Matt: Do you realize what you just said?**

** Mello: Fuck you, Matt.**

** Matt: Yes, fuck me why don't you?**

** Mello: …I don't even know you anymore.**

** Does anyone else thing I totally got Matt's thoughts like, spot-on? No? Okay, yeah, I probably didn't. Well, this chapter was fun to write! And Matt would totally like, LOVE his car, don't'cha think so too?**


	27. Chapter 27

**Funnest and funner really need to be words. Like, soon. Please.**

**(Interesting... Fanfiction says funnest is a word, but not Word...)**

**Matt POV**

Aaron has grown about a foot in the past five years. Maybe more, I can't tell for sure. His hair is longer and slightly lighter, and he's been working out some, it looks like. Or maybe he's gotten into the type of stuff Mello and I have. His face has changed, too. Lost the last of its childish appearance. But the Aaron I knew is still there, especially in his eyes. They haven't changed a bit; still shocking, pale green.

In other words, he's still damn attractive.

But I have a boyfriend. And said attractive guy left me. Bad Matt. Stop thinking things like that. Geez.

He runs a hand through his hair like he always used to, making it look even messier (windswept, according to the Aaron I knew five years ago. It has been five years, hasn't it?), and tugs the hem of his grey shirt back into place over the waistband of his cargo pants. I'm driving him because, so I've been told, his car has been recently jacked and he hasn't seen it since last month. Walking everywhere is not the most fun thing to do in L.A. It's a real small town, L.A.

That was sarcasm.

He keeps glancing at me somewhat nervously. I think I'm scaring him more than the thugs did. I don't blame him (I'm pretty threatening. Not).

We cleaned everything up and tossed the bodies in a different warehouse, putting a gun in tattoo guy's hand, making it appear as if he shot Max and them himself (it was done quickly, but we pretty much erased all evidence of our presence. Then he helped me finish bugging the place, although there wasn't much work left to do.

He's hardly said anything to me. I'm itching with questions, but my car is not the place to ask them. Nowhere is the place to ask them, really, but I have to know.

I think we both have to know exactly what's going on.

My arm is still sore and stinging, wrapped in the gauze I keep in my car for who-knows-what scenarios like this, but it's ignorable. I've had worse.

The drive back to Mello and mine's apartment is, well… weird. Neither of us seems to know what to say, and neither of us is brave enough to talk. Well, I'm too chicken to.

This is Aaron we're talking about, after all. The first one I loved, who promised he wouldn't leave me alone. But oh, guess what? Promises get broken. He left without a reason, without a promise or even a hint of return. I relied on him too heavily. When he stepped away, I fell over without his weight supporting me. And when I fell I broke.

I am still scared to lean too heavily on Mello. That's why I'm scared to know that I love him. I'm scared of a lot of things, especially fire, but I think the thing that terrifies me the most is being left to break again.

I have seemingly endless patience (it is not, but it's pretty close) and tolerance for a lot of things that other people would explode over, and yeah, I'm technically a genius, but I'm not very strong (both physically and emotionally. And I can lift more with my hands than with my mind, so to speak). That's one reason I never wanted to be L. I don't want the world relying on me. You don't balance a bridge on toothpicks, after all. Even if they have metal on the outside, they're made of very breakable wood on the inside. And that metal isn't necessarily very thick.

Maybe it oxidizes and weakens, and slowly chips away. Maybe it's soft like gold. Maybe it bends, maybe it melts. Maybe it's liquid at room temperature.

Metal isn't very reliable when it comes down to it.

I'm glad that my eyes are hidden behind my goggles. Who knows what he'd be seeing if they weren't.

Aaron doesn't comment when I pull into the parking garage at our apartment complex, nor when I double-check and check again to make sure my car is locked, nor when I lead him up to the tiny, rather cluttered apartment that I share with Mello.

It's only now that I see the place with an outsider's prospective. Wow. We live in a video game filled, chocolate wrapper littered smoke hole. Nice.

But it screams Mello and Matt. And it's home. So it's not that bad, really.

Although I do live here, and I'm used to the worn couch clashing with the hi-tech TV and computers, and the monstrous pile of video games in the corner, spilling out into the other areas of the house. I'm used to the small window that leads straight out to the fire escape, where I've sat plenty of times, smoking and looking down through the bars at the sidewalk below.

"Do you want anything?" I ask around the cigarette in my mouth. He shakes his head.

"I'm good, thanks." His accent has faded more than a little. He's been in America a while.

"Sit anywhere, then."

It's painfully uncomfortable, because there are so many things burning just under the surface, waiting to be addressed, that we can feel the heat. I think I'm getting sunburned.

Unaddressed questions burned?

Whatever.

I sit on the floor, facing the couch where Aaron sits, with my DS. I've added numerous handhelds to my collection, but I still have my old Gameboy. I treasure that thing. It's got a special place in my heart.

I have a talent for multitasking. I wonder if he remembers that.

How much _does _he remember? How much has he changed? Actually, how much have _I _changed? Too many questions.

There is a short pause, and Aaron sighs. "It's been too long, hasn't it?" That is a loaded statement. It's been five years, yes, too long, but that's not all he meant.

"I dunno. Depends on if I ever get around to understanding what's going on here."

"I guess I should explain then."

"Please do."

"Look, none of this is going to take back what I did. That's' the past, I can't fix that. But I'm going to tell you that I'm sorry, even though it wont do anything."

Yep, this is definitely Aaron.

"Who knows, maybe an apology will help things once I hear your reasons. I'm not one to hold a grudge, Aaron. You know that. I'm not angry over something that happened five years ago."

I'm not angry, but the memory of the pain isn't a good one. The memory stings, even if the hole has long since been filled, and if not filled, sealed.

There is another pause, thoughtful this time. "That shouldn't surprise me," he murmurs, before continuing. I continue my quest to catch another Pikachu as he talks.

"I didn't leave because I wanted to, Matt. You need to know that."

I blink, looking up at him for a moment. I don't answer, but he knows I believe him. I always knew when Aaron was lying.

"I left because I didn't have a choice. Okay, I did, but if I didn't, you would most likely be killed. In fact, the chances were around one-hundred percent."

_This _is unexpected. I stop focusing on my game and look at Aaron again. He is leaning forward, elbows on his knees, with his chin in one hand and his eyes focused downward.

"Killed?" I manage. My voice is quiet and a bit strained.

He nods once. "You know my parents were right bastards, gambling away every last penny before dying in that car crash. Well, this is the part I didn't tell you. They were in debt to some crime thing, and these people wanted their money. Real bad. Like, they would resort to tracking down the family of the people who owed them, threaten them, and if they refused find the people closest to them and kill them. They threatened my sister, they said they'd kill you too." His voice drops for a moment, and my game lies in my hands, all but forgotten.

Aaron never told me much about his family life. I knew his parents were dead, and that he lived with his uncle. But I never heard about his sister, Sheila, who visited me three years ago (I've heard from her once since then), and I most definitely never heard about _this. _

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you about Sheila, by the way. Family's just a dodgy subject, isn't it?"

"Yeah," I murmur.

"Anyway, there was another option. I obviously didn't have the fifty thousand that they wanted, so I had to do something else. The only thing other than pay I could do was to work the debt off. So that's what I did. I didn't want my family dead, and I didn't want you dead. They would have killed everyone close to me if I didn't handle things. Don't ask me why they went after me and not my sister or uncle. I don't know.

"So I left to the states, where they wanted me. And I couldn't leave their damn organization until they got their money's worth. I couldn't contact anyone, either. That's why I didn't tell you or anyone where I was going, why I was leaving, and if I'd be back. I didn't know exactly, and I couldn't make any promises."

I'm silent for a long time, staring at the ground. I don't really know what to say. "I… Um." I clear my throat, trying to process everything. "I honestly don't know. I mean, when my head cleared, after you left I mean, I figured you probably had a good reason for leaving. I just really wanted to know why…" I murmur, still not looking up.

"I'm sorry, I really am. But there were too many people at risk. All the people closest to me, including you."

I shake my head. "You did the best thing, really. But you could have engaged the police or something, too, couldn't you have? It would have made things easier for you."

He sighs. "They had people in England. They would have killed you or Sheila before the police could say, 'You're under arrest.'"

"Oh."

It's hard to process everything. I've basically just been told that he left to save his remaining family and me. This is… so typical of Aaron, or at least the Aaron I knew. I don't think he's changed very much at all. He was always so nice, so understanding… so protective.

"That's how you learned to shoot a gun," I finally say. "And you don't have to apologize, you know. You did what was best…"

He scowls. "I do have to apologize, because I left you and I knew how much it would hurt you then. Even if you're fine now, I still did it. You needed someone there to help you, but that someone left."

"But as you said, that is the past, and it cannot be undone. You're right, it did hurt, but having explanations helps things, fills in the gaps." I smile slightly. "And I think you should let Sheila know too; last time I checked, she was on a hunt for her big brother."

He smiles, a small one like mine. "I know. I'm going to. And Matt, I want to know, what are you doing in California? I never thought you'd leave England…" A shadow passes over his face, and I know he's remembering my circumstances back when I lived with my parents. I shudder.

"I have explaining to do too, don't I? Okay then. Well, after you left things were…" I hesitate, wincing inwardly at the memory. "Not very good. I wasn't the happiest person around." He looks at me guiltily, and I shrug before moving on.

"After a few months or so, there was a fire one night… at my house. Both my parents…died in it…" God, why is talking so hard? Why can't this get any easier after so many years? The nightmares, although never completely gone, have dwindled down to hardly ever haunting my sleep. I've buried the memories deep enough for them not to bother me, but when digging them up like this, I keep pricking myself on their thorns.

I clear my throat and close my eyes. I'm just going through this methodically. "I was hospitalized for a while. I never got over…fire. Anyway, an orphanage called Wammy's House picked me up. It's a place for gifted children…" I stop here. How much do I reveal? How much can I? Not much. I can't tell him about L, or Kira, or anything like that, can I? No.

"Listen, there are things here that aren't mine to tell, so I have to skirt around them, but I assume you've heard of L, the detective?"

"Um, yeah. Once or twice. He's the best in the world, right?"

"Yes. Well, Wammy's was actually designed to train the next L."

I let this sink in, and he gasps. "So, you were, like, training to be a detective?"

"Something of the sort. Anyway, I never really wanted the position L holds, but I stayed there. It was a better home than I'd had before, at least. I had a better life there. But about five, six months later, the place burned down." I shiver at the memory of flames surrounding on all sides, smoke choking me and clogging my throat. "Me and two other boys from the orphanage were sent to L. We were the top three in the place, so we joined him in… he was outside of Europe. He was, and still is I believe, working on the Kira case."

"Kira…" Aaron murmurs. "Yeah, crime got pretty tough after he came around."

"Well, Mello and I- Mello was one of the other boys- left shortly after arriving at L's. Mello wanted to pursue Kira on his own, and I went with him."

I'm saying far, far too much. I sigh again, fiddling with the buttons on my DS. "I'm sorry, I've already said too much about all of this. Basically, I went to an orphanage-slash-school for smart kids then hung out with a famous detective for a while, before coming with my… friend to L.A. to help him chase Kira down."

There is a long, long silence. There are still questions bubbling under the surface, but the searing heat of them has dwindled down to a warm glow.

Aren't I poetic today?

The weird thing is, it doesn't feel awkward even after so many years, even after the circumstances around our separation, even after telling each other the wildest, most uncompleted stories ever.

"I'm sorry I can't elaborate, but there are certain identities that need to be kept secret and hidden," I explain a little sheepishly. I feel kind of guilty for divulging as much information as I have to Aaron. Who knows if he's still trustworthy? But somehow, for reasons I can't explain, I don't think he's lying.

"I'm not surprised you got excepted into a school for the…extraordinary, you said?"

"It sounds like a mental asylum."

He laughs. "True that. But I'm not surprised."

He really hasn't changed much. He was always childish, even though he's two years older. And although he knows how to be mature when he needs to, he always preferred to fool around.

I ask if he wants the pictures Sheila gave me, and he says he doesn't need them. Part of me wonders if he wants me to have them, but I push that away. There's nothing between us now, anyway. We're just catching up and explaining what the fuck happened, and what's been going on for five years. It get's easier and easier with each word that comes out of my mouth.

I really should have done something when I heard the keys rattle in the lock. No, I should have warned Aaron beforehand, but I wasn't expecting my roomie to come home so soon.

I really should have put a sign on the door reading, _Mello: there is someone here. Don't try to shoot him the second you open the door please. Thank you!_

Instead of acting when I hear the telltale clink of metal and the click of the lock unlocking, I sit on the floor like a dumbfuck, my legs bent and my DS in my hands, staring with surprise at the door. Aaron turns, curious.

As soon as the door flies open, there is a gun cocked at my poor guest's head, and a very ferocious looking blonde at the other end of said gun, looking ready to shoot first and ask questions later.

God, he's terrifying. He doesn't even flinch when the door slams behind him, and he still has his current chocolate bar between his teeth after using his hands to unlock and open the door. Aaron lets out a noise halfway between a startled squeak and a strangled gasp, and cringes away, hands flying up to his shoulders in surrender.

There is silence for a second, and then I burst out laughing.

If there has ever been a time when I did the single most inappropriate thing considering the circumstances, it would be now. I feel like I'm laughing at a funeral. Shit.

Both of them are distracted for a moment as my laughter dies off, and I don't really know what I thought was so funny at the situation. Maybe Aaron's expression.

Aaron looks scandalized, and Mello ticked off. Very ticked off. I should probably explain things. Yes, that would be a good idea. But before I can even open my mouth, Mello cuts in.

"Who the _fuck _are you and what the _hell_ are you doing in my home…" his gaze travels to me for a second, and I can see the suspicion in his gaze. Suddenly, this isn't very funny. "…With _my_ boyfriend?" Mello hisses at Aaron. He looks ready to shoot.

For a moment, Aaron looks surprised. Oh yeah, the boyfriend thing. Slipped my mind, I guess. Cue nervous, guilty laughter.

I didn't think it mattered, okay? It wasn't an important detail. Was it?

Aaron returns his attention to Mello. "Um, Matt? Help? Care to explain?"

I smirk. Mello has this kind of effect on people. Aaron's completely forgotten the gun hidden in the back of his shirt. "Hey, Mels! Didn't expect you to come home this early," I say, grinning. I'm unreasonably happy considering the situation, but I haven't seen Mello in a week.

He has a very different effect on me than he does on normal people.

"Yeah, I came back to make sure you were okay. There were weird reports…" his voice trails off. "So who the hell is he?" Mello demands, eyes narrowing. He lowers his gun a bit and stalks forward, getting right in Aaron's face. "You… look… familiar. Who are you?"

"Aaron. My name is Aaron."

"Aaron…" something sparks in his eyes; a memory. "Reeves? Is that it?"

Aaron nods somewhat hesitantly. Oh, dear, Mello isn't happy. The gun is back where it was a moment ago.

"Hey!" Aaron's hand flutters for a moment at the back hem of his shirt but he seems to realize that if he pulls out a gun he'll be shot. "What's your problem?" His eyes are glinting with indignation and anger, but he's scared of Mello. Everyone who knows him is, a little bit.

Although, he's a different person than he was back at Wammy's, back when he wore black cotton a little more and leather a little less. Back when he didn't shoot guns or take over major crime syndicates.

"Mels, calm down."

"He left you once, why's he back?" he demands, glaring.

"How do you even know that? I never told you," I mutter, standing up and crossing my arms.

"You forget, I'm a genius. And I have no respect for other people's stuff. I figured it out years ago, Matt."

"Figures." Poor Aaron is looking between us, Mello's gun still aimed at his forehead, utterly confused. "But you can lower your gun, Mello. He had his reasons."

Pointing his gun elsewhere seems to be the last thing on his list, but he does anyway. He talks to me, but doesn't look at me. His eyes are trained of Aaron. "Elaborate, why don't you." He steps away from the couch, and Aaron watches him warily, with curiosity visible under his caution.

I move over to the couch and plop down, returning part of my attention to my DS. I run through the whole story, starting from when I was attacked whilst setting up Mello's cameras.

"Shit, Matt!" his eyes zero in on the bandage on my arm, and for the moment Aaron is forgotten. Mello stalks over to my side and pulls my arm out to look at it. He pulls the gauze back, scowling at the scratch. "So that's what happened…I shouldn't have let you go. Why didn't I have someone from the office do it?" he growls, more to himself than me.

Office. Ha.

"It's fine, it doesn't hurt," I assure him, rolling my eyes at Aaron, in hopes of relaxing him a bit. "Quit fretting, Mels."

Mello just scowls at me, hands on his hips. I ignore his glare and go on to explain how Aaron rescued me, and his reasons for leaving.

For me, knowing why helps. Seeing him again, knowing things helps. The action itself stopped hurting long ago, but knowing is still helpful. His explanation makes sense to me, and more than that, makes me realize just how much he cared for the people close to him at the time. Just how far he would go.

That sounds so much like the Aaron I knew.

As for Mello, however, his explanation doesn't seem to cut it. He won't stop glaring at Aaron as if he's going to set a bomb off any second.

I'm a little too at ease here. This is, in reality, a very touchy situation. But I can't help it, can I? Mello is home.

I really want to kiss him until he chokes from lack of air, but I don't think that's a very good idea. I mean, we do have company, after all.

It takes a good ten minutes to explain everything to Mello and Aaron. I do most of the talking. Thanks, guys. I'm such a social butterfly, that's why I'm so good at these situations.

I think I just made things more complicated.

"Well, I can tell I'm not wanted," Aaron says, rubbing the back of his head and smiling kind of nervously. "I can walk to my place from here; it's actually pretty close."

I blink. "Uh, okay." Mello glares at Aaron one last time before moving from my side and heading over to the kitchen…area, probably to get more chocolate. That leaves Aaron and me relatively alone at the door.

"I know things aren't in the best place at the moment, but I did…miss you," he mutters, one hand on the doorknob. "And I _am _still sorry."

"I missed you too, you know. You were…not just some guy I liked... you were my friend too." I hesitate, wondering if that was appropriate. I think it was… "Thanks again, I would have been screwed back there."

Aaron smiles ruefully. "It's no big deal. I've done worse."

I shudder lightly. "Well, I guess I'll see you around then. Depends on where things go, pretty much."

He nods, stepping out. "It was nice seeing you again. I have to go track my sister down now, so bye then, I guess."

"It's been too long. Good luck with Sheila," I agree, murmuring a goodbye and shutting the door after him.

I have a feeling I will be seeing Aaron again soon. After all, you don't just meet up once with someone you knew five years ago and talk for only and hour before they disappear again.

At least I hope so.

But now I have other things to do, like attend to my boyfriend who has been absent for a week. I tread over to the kitchen, where he's busy making hot cocoa for whatever reason. I lean against the counter next to him, watching him stir in a ridiculous amount of chocolate syrup.

"I don't like him," Mello announces.

"I noticed."

"Why are you so okay with his explanation?"

I sigh. "I don't know. I mean, I got over it all a long time ago. He was my friend too, you know. I liked him in a lot of ways, and I did miss him for a while. It's nice seeing people you'd never thought you'd see again." I straighten off the counter and move closer to Mello. "It's also mice seeing people you haven't seen in a week," I murmur.

He tilts his head slightly. It's so cute when he does that. "It is, mm?"

I lean forward, my breath hitting his neck. "Hey Mello?"

Mello turns to face me now. "What, Ma-" I don't even bother to let him finish his sentence. I wrap my arms around his waist and pull him into me, crushing my lips against his.

I don't usually kiss him like this, so for a second he's taken off guard, but it only takes a moment before he starts kissing me back, his fingers tracing from my shoulders, up my jaw, and into my hair.

I miss the taste of chocolate and, well, _Mello_ when he's gone. I miss the feel of his hands on my shoulders, my waist, and my hair. I miss his voice, and I miss his just being _there. _When he is here, all I want is him. Because, who knows when he's going to leave again and how long he'll be gone for?

I really miss knowing where he is and what he's thinking.

So talking and explaining can wait, because I've waited a week to see him and kiss him again.

It's a good thing I'm patient, really.

**Humph. **

**Okay, I'm going to sound like I'm fishing for compliments, but…**

**This chapter drives me INSANE.**

**Thou art rushed, o twenty-seventh chapter. Thou art awkward, rewritten countless times, and… Bleh. **

**I am bad at Old English.**

_**So, to add commentary to this chapter….**_

**Mello: I don't even know what just happened here.**

**Matt: That situation WAS awkward, chika! Yeesh! **

**(It was, I did a bad job of setting the mood)**

**Aaron: Why do I even exist? I mean, what's my point? To get in between Mello and Matt-Cat?**

**(You'll see?)**

**Mello: Don't fucking call him that!**

**Aaron: Unlike you, I am a purely fanmade character. I don't have a zillion alter egos and different takes on my personality. So I'm stuck being true to one nature. **

**Matt: You sound smart. Are you supposed to be a genius too?**

**Aaron: I have no idea.**

**Mello: I knew this guy was a loon.**

**Matt: Hey Mello, if he's annoying you, just fuck him with a cheese grater.**

**Mello: Wrong story, asshole.**

**Aaron: I think I'm scarred for life. **

**(Okay, ignore this. Wipe it from your memory. This is me being weird. I think I snort crack in my sleep. I do this purely for my own entertainment.)**


End file.
